On Friday I will be decommissioned, put out of action, consigned to the reproductive scrap heap, put out to grass. My tubes will be corked and my fertility stoppered and there will be no more babies for me. I'm 38, I have had 6 children, been pregnant more times than a body needs to be […]
Admitting Small Elements of Defeat to Stay Standing
It??s been a rough week. The kids are all unwell and have been, in varying combinations, since last Thursday. Fran came down with another sore throat and got progressively worse all weekend; despite having a friend on sleep over, she needed all the pain killers going to keep her upright, so on Monday I took […]
The Gallery: April
As things go, the Gallery provided too many opportunities for reflection this month. Too many I couldn’t walk past: they felt like a summons. But April hasn’t been a sad month, after all, it has been a happy month, one that has helped me see how lucky I am, even if it takes a certain […]
This thing called…
When someone dies, people tell you a lot about the stages of grief. I believe there are 4; it says something, though I’m not sure what, that I can only ever remember 3 of them at a time. Right now though, I know exactly which one I’m fighting with: anger. I’m angry and I’m frightened […]
The End of All Things
The one that starts with things endings and ends with things beginning and covers up an awful lot of wondering “how could you?” It has been a horrible week; I’ve cried harder this week than I have all year, mostly bout things I can’t write and partly because anything stressful turns into more tears about […]
That one last get out.
Thanks to the arrival, today, of my period, I have passed a milestone, the bitterest yet. I have to sit out next month in this grim and vile trying to conceive malarkey and so I can no longer be pregnant by Freddie’s first birthday. I can no longer have a rainbow baby in 2011. Anything […]
