I did better today. Not as in “feel happy and chirpy and like Xmas is coming” but better in a “put one foot in front of the ****ing other” sort of a way. I can do happy. I can do Christmas. My garden is not full of snow like the other parts of the country […]
Down in the valley, drumming… drumming…
I am the Grinch and I am Scrooge. I do not want Christmas cheer. I do not want the fun to start. I do not want lights or jolly men in red suits, or greenery to signify life, or newborn boys in mangers or light to wash away the dark or death. I do not […]
96
Number 96 in the Top 100 British Parenting Blogs of 2010 🙂 That feels like something indeed. Thank you to everyone who reads and comments and who has got me through these last 8 months. Your comments and kindness have kept me writing – and the writing has kept me sane. I sincerely hope none […]
Co-operative Membership Fund Local Project Funding Opportunity
A few years ago I found myself in one of the loneliest places in the world. I found myself in a situation where it felt as if only I had ever experienced what I was going through and the very nature of it meant that I was silenced, wordless and largely alone. Where I was […]
Christmas Wreaths & Fimo Xmas Shapes
A couple of weeks ago I did a round up of some Christmas craft ideas, when I still had hope we’d replicate last years happy Christmas crafty month. We’ve not quite achieved that so far, but there is still time and we finally made a start on it on Monday,yesterday and today – thank heavens […]
14th December 2010
So many numbers. 4. 5. 5th of 5. 5th of 6. Or, perhaps, none of those. Very much eclipsed by this year to the outside. But not to me. Not forgotten, even if not quite remembered in the same way. I can’t say the pain is any less, or the grief, or the loss or […]
Seasonal hibernation
I’m not really here much, but it isn’t for any particularly good or bad reason. We’re very busy at work and I’ve been there every day this week, with the girls having days with friends, relatives and even a paid sitter one day. This works okay; I get up early and sit with them through […]
Maddy Heaven
She’s loved Buzz since she was about 2 years old; finding this was Maddy heaven. She took it very seriously 😆
Still here, more or less
Last week we were away in Devon for a annual holiday with friends in a Youth Hostel. I’d like to say I had a great time, but I didn’t, it was just too hard, but the GIRLS had a LOVELY time and really, that’s nearly all that matters. It’s incredibly comforting to be in the […]
Missing
Dear Freddie, On the day you should be 8 months old, I am with friends, lovely kind friends. I am surrounded by children. In this place are all the children your sisters love and who would have loved you. We are here with the babies who would have been your little gang. There are conversations […]
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