I did better today. Not as in “feel happy and chirpy and like Xmas is coming” but better in a “put one foot in front of the ****ing other” sort of a way.
I can do happy. I can do Christmas.
MyÂ garden is not full of snow like the other parts of the country but we woke up this morning to a beautiful frost and these gorgeous cobwebs, festooned like decorations along the fence behind one of Freddie’s trees.
I’ve probably gone insane.
I bought Freddie a tiny tree.
The good thing about a dead baby is you can give them non age appropriate presents. I got him marbles to match his blanket; they represent the ones I lost and found this year I guess. The girls all bought some each one day, so I got him some too.
There is no dignity in baby loss.
After I kicked and screamed for a while, I decorated the house.
And Josie, endlessly brave little Josie, hung the ornament up for me that Angie made for us. It’s lovely.
Thank you Angie.
If you’ve got a few spare pennies in your Paypal account, I’d love you to send them to our SCBU via JustGiving – there are babies in there this Christmas and I know those wonderful nurses will be busy making memories for their parents and siblings; some of them will be the only memories they get to have. A few pennies will help them do that for another family. We spent Easter there and they did everything they could to make that special, for us, for Freddie and for our girls. We’ve raised £1402.50 so far, plus some to come in from sponsored posts and customer donations via our sites and we’re incredibly grateful to everyone who has contributed to that total.
One foot in front of the other.