Dear Freddie, Today you should be four months old. I’m managing not to count the weeks, I’m managing not to think so much now about the things you should be doing. For me you are frozen in time now, that little boy of 0 to 11 days old. A little boy who I only really […]
Target Achieved
We’ve made it to £1000 on our JustGiving page in memory of Freddie. That was my first target. Thank you to everyone, friend, family, reader and customer who has contributed to this and also to the suppliers who donated items to go direct to the hospital, a batch of which went off this week and […]
The Weekly Round Up.
Last Friday we went off to Wicksteed Park for the day. Not been for ages and the girls all really enjoyed themselves, mingling with friends and going on rides with them and with Daddy. I was happy just to mooch and watch them enjoy their half price wristbands; I’m not a fan of rides and […]
Goodness
I’ve just realised that for the last two Fridays I haven’t counted how many weeks it is since Freddie was born. For at least the last Tuesday, I haven’t counted how many weeks it is since he died. I guess that is progress of sorts. I’m not going to count. I think 2nds and 13ths […]
All backwards
I hate that long after I have forgotten how it was to feel pregnant with him, I am left with the loss of him. I hate that the memories are so few, gathered under such immense pressure, that I can barely hold them together. They are barely worth having. I hate that I cannot remember […]
The beginning of the end
In honour of many things, not least some births and my period, which signifies the end of all hope of another baby before Freddie’s first birthday, I have typed up his birth story. Be gentle with it.
Stand down
We’ve kept the last few months incredibly busy for the girls, hoping to waft them past as much of the rawness of early grief by just keeping them busy. We’ve done musicals, grading days, gym competitions, holidays, friends, dancing shows, music exams and this weekend more friends, the Festival of History and a ballet exam. […]
Counting Magpies
A very busy week. I’m hoping to persuade Max to blog Friday as a guesting blogger (he might) but I don’t think I’ll hang on for him so I’ll do a quick phot round up. After the busy weekend and then Monday doing art with le Ciel Rouge, we visited Stanwick Lakes on Tuesday with […]
Funny Things
Children playing at Stanwick Lakes today. A much needed day out with two good friends. My perfect little heart, given to me by a friend. Love it. Kitchen windowsill. An African Violet given by a friend to cheer me up several years ago, an Orchid from another friend to remember Freddie, the Carnation that I […]
Duck Pond
I am ice. That is what I am. That is all there is. The thinnest, clearest, most fragile piece of ice on a pond at the start of a winter that will be long, cold and dark. The spring is so very far away. There are four little ducks walking on that sheet of ice, […]
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