We forgot to go to Freddie’s funeral. We were busy, the girls were alive and needed us and life goes on and… oh my word, it was today and we forgot. Max was okay with it; after all, it was just a procedure, he didn’t need us there, the girls needed us. It was just […]
At the Kitchen Table with Glow: Time
This is my contribution to the meme hosted at Glow this week on the passage of time after the loss of a child. Two others I love are by Jeanette and Jill who both, thanks to us ‘knowing’ each other online before the deaths of our babies, have been particularly special to me in the […]
Soup
I mind this new soup that I’m swimming in; don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful for it. I’m grateful for the break from grief and the break from the relentless trying and recovering. It’s a relief to have at least one answer to one question, one why knocked off the list. But this new place […]
Make it stop
It is certainly not unique experience to the babylost parent to feel cold horror creep when they hear of another parent losing their child. You do not have to have watched a child die, or be told your child has died, to know that it would be the most terrible thing, the most dreadful thing, […]
A Tale of Three Blankets
In terms of things, I think it is possible this is my greatest ever creation. It’s the culmination of a years worth of work, a square a week, through one of the toughest years of my life. It has a story, a huge and enormous story, a story no mother would ever want to tell. […]
Kestor Bliss
Kestor is our place. it’s the place Max took me on our first Dartmoor walk together, the place we got lost in fog together, the place we have walked out children at all the ages they have been. It’s his second ‘home’ tor, nestling above Chagford and Thorn where his Gran lived and where he […]
Scribbling on the sky the message He Is Dead
Miss you little boy. Night night. Wait for me.
Remembering Freddie on his birthday
From Rich & Ella in Australia, a photo by Merrily Me on Flickr. Remembering Freddie on his birthday. I also made a picture to send to StillLife 365. I’m very grateful to Angie for featuring it on his birthday. Fran wrote about him too. Angela lit a candle for him… thank you. So did Cara; […]
One week until 11 days until 2 weeks until forever.
I’ve tried not to be maudlin this March. I thought it would be so awful and it hasn’t been but suddenly it has hit me that in 6 days I should be celebrating a birthday. In 6 days I can’t say “I was pregnant this time last year. This week is it. This week is […]
Knitting Progress
The knitted sanity blanket continues and I’m starting to think this blanket says a lot about the process of the last year. There was no expectation of anything changing, ever again, in the beginning and no expectation of recovery, or learning to live alongside all of this. I didn’t think I’d ever be able to […]
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