Actually, I hate that advert. Too many pregnant women and daddy’s nestling their babies. But I like the song. Yesterday there was a loud knock at the door, I answered and it was the lady collecting electoral roll data. Naturally this year i really haven’t got round to filling that out. (This is blatant hiding […]
I've run out of words
There are so many I could say but really, what’s the point? I’ve never felt so helpless in all my life. There doesn’t seem to be a single place in any aspect of anything where I can force or provoke a change that would make any of it better. I can’t help my children to […]
International Baby Loss Day
Today is International Baby Loss Awareness Day At 7pm people around the world will light candles to remember babies lost in all circumstances, at any age, during pregnancy, birth or after. Jess has read a list of baby names aloud at AfterIris. I’m incredibly grateful for the special effort she made for Freddie when he […]
Oh, to wear my heart on my sleeve
Six months ago today, our little boy died. 11 days was not enough. Twice in the last few days, people have, meaning to be kind given me their condolences and said “sorry to mention it, you must not want to think about it.” But I do. I think of ‘it’, of him, all the time. […]
If there were a way to switch it off I would
Last night I dreamt about Freddie. We were a few months on and he was still in hospital and I was trying to split myself between him and the girls and working and everything else in my life and not doing a good job at all. And people kept asking me how he was doing […]
Too long since you left me
Dear Freddie, Today you should be six months old. I’ve been dreading this one but it hasn’t been as bad as it could have been. Maddy and I went shopping and yes, the place was full of little boy outfits and little boys and yes, I did look at an outfit for a six month […]
Dreams are never free
I’ve been a bit off blogging about the endless, wearying aftermath of trying to come to terms with life through a new lens. Various things caused it but the effect of it has been bad; if I don’t write it down, it washes around my head and causes me pain. In the same way my […]
Trees
When you are small, some things are forever. At my junior school, the Wednesday walks in the Arboretum were forever. At my senior school, the trees on the Quad were forever. At my Nana’s house I played under an avenue of Oak trees, gathered acorns, mulched leaves, gathered knobbly twigs to feed autumnal bonfires and […]
Our Family Tree
The “family tree” has been a watchword in our family for a long time – we lived opposite one that became christened such for a couple of years, in honour of “The Tigger Movie” and Maddy planted one a few years ago in a pot which is now a strapping sapling, waiting to be planted […]
In between two weekends.
I do wish I could remember to blog more frequently about life, rather than about death. B- Must try harder. I spend a lot of time worrying about life, trying to keep things right for everyone and annoying people by going on about it, but not perhaps quite enough time living and doing it. Right. […]
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