The heads of the daffodils in the garden are already turning yellow; they’ll bloom in a matter of weeks, they’ll be over before March has ended. Daffodils are Freddie’s flower. I don’t want to do April without daffodils. Seeing them nodding and bobbing on the 2nd April is one of the things that keeps me […]
Mostly… nice.
I’ve craved a year that could be called ‘mostly nice’ for the last few years. It’s been a while. Mostly painful, mostly dreadful, mostly despairing, mostly frightening, mostly stressful – those are the ways to describe the years from about 2006 onwards. From torrid times at home, to stressfully trying to maintain a business and […]
Felted Stars and Thoughts on Christmas.
I didn’t get much time crafting last week, aside from the crochet squares I was working hard at finishing. I’m down to the last 25 or so and then the blanket just needs putting together. But in one quiet moment, I did make these, 1 for my little momentary nod towards Freddie, 2 to send […]
Got ya.
This will be our fourth Christmas without him. I’m quite practiced at this now. I’ve learned what to do and what not to do. I know I’ll cry when I see 5 stocking put out, but not as hard as I cried at 4 and when it felt like there was no hope of there […]
The Angry.
Wednesday was a really tough day. Every so often, a grief day emerges, out of nowhere except a combination of events and hormones and co-incidences and moments of unexpected thoughtlessness. And Wednesday started, as it so often does, with a dream. I never dream about Freddie; I have barely dreamed of him at all; I […]
For You.
You are missing – and so a part of me is always missing too. You are gone – and so a part of me has gone forever with you. You were here – a part of you is with me in all my days and all the dark of night. I saw you with my […]
The Silent Salute #WaveOfLight
There are days when I ache to speak of Freddie with my voice, not my fingers. Days when I wish for someone to sit with me and hold me while I sift his hospital notes and my hastily copied social media comments for the snippets of his life which have fled my memory. There are […]
We don't talk about the SCBU days.
I’m writing today at Glow in the Woods about the reality of parenting after losing a child who lived his whole life in the care of the medical people we trust with our lives and who couldn’t save him. I don’t write much about the SCBU days. It’s still too painful to think about, let […]
This bit of me.
I think I once knew these as ‘Preacher in the Pulpit’, a long time ago, when people told me the names of flowers. I think, confused, I mixed up pulpit with spit and believed they grew from the untouchable, improbable, highly suspicious cuckoo spit that foamed and flawed the weeds of our walks. Spit. Pulpit. […]
Monkey Do
He was playing on the floor at work this week, engrossed in two plastic cars off the stock shelves and a box of shredded paper. Perfect play fodder for a little boy. Cars and mess. We were both smiling at him and watching him play. Distracted, he looked up and reached for a different toy. […]
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