Last Friday we went off to Wicksteed Park for the day. Not been for ages and the girls all really enjoyed themselves, mingling with friends and going on rides with them and with Daddy. I was happy just to mooch and watch them enjoy their half price wristbands; I’m not a fan of rides and […]
Goodness
I’ve just realised that for the last two Fridays I haven’t counted how many weeks it is since Freddie was born. For at least the last Tuesday, I haven’t counted how many weeks it is since he died. I guess that is progress of sorts. I’m not going to count. I think 2nds and 13ths […]
All backwards
I hate that long after I have forgotten how it was to feel pregnant with him, I am left with the loss of him. I hate that the memories are so few, gathered under such immense pressure, that I can barely hold them together. They are barely worth having. I hate that I cannot remember […]
The beginning of the end
In honour of many things, not least some births and my period, which signifies the end of all hope of another baby before Freddie’s first birthday, I have typed up his birth story. Be gentle with it.
Stand down
We’ve kept the last few months incredibly busy for the girls, hoping to waft them past as much of the rawness of early grief by just keeping them busy. We’ve done musicals, grading days, gym competitions, holidays, friends, dancing shows, music exams and this weekend more friends, the Festival of History and a ballet exam. […]
Counting Magpies
A very busy week. I’m hoping to persuade Max to blog Friday as a guesting blogger (he might) but I don’t think I’ll hang on for him so I’ll do a quick phot round up. After the busy weekend and then Monday doing art with le Ciel Rouge, we visited Stanwick Lakes on Tuesday with […]
Duck Pond
I am ice. That is what I am. That is all there is. The thinnest, clearest, most fragile piece of ice on a pond at the start of a winter that will be long, cold and dark. The spring is so very far away. There are four little ducks walking on that sheet of ice, […]
Co-dependance Day
Today is mine and Max’s anniversary; we’ve been married 12 years. Twelve years ago today, about now, we were enjoying our reception, in the garden of my parents house, thinking wed done an okay job of what we hoped would be the biggest event of our life, the birth of our first child and seeing […]
Days that never came
Dear Freddie, 3 months ago today, also on a Friday, that laughably named ‘Good Friday’ you were born. You should be 3 months old. I think, now, that I never expected you. I was expecting, but I never believed you would come. And you never did. I’m never going to wonder whether to send you […]
Sometimes…
Some days it is okay. Other days it is mostly okay, with a few added tears and wobbly moments. And some days it is just not okay at all. Yesterday we received a letter from the Child Death Overview Panel, letting us know that our son’s death (condolences by the way) would be anonymously discussed […]
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