Yesterday the counsellor I’m seeing tore all of my “lalalalalalala… it’s not happening” defences into pieces. Consequently, all I really want to blog is “my baby boy is dead, my baby boy is dead.” I’m in pieces. However, that isn’t going to help, I think, so I’m going to blog something else instead. I’ve fallen […]
The best things in life are free….
Family fun has been a bit short on the ground this summer, what with one thing or another. I had to root around in my head to think of something that we’ve all done together, all laughed, all been happy and all got what we needed from it. And the answer came, as it so […]
Our Family Tree
The “family tree” has been a watchword in our family for a long time – we lived opposite one that became christened such for a couple of years, in honour of “The Tigger Movie” and Maddy planted one a few years ago in a pot which is now a strapping sapling, waiting to be planted […]
In between two weekends.
I do wish I could remember to blog more frequently about life, rather than about death. B- Must try harder. I spend a lot of time worrying about life, trying to keep things right for everyone and annoying people by going on about it, but not perhaps quite enough time living and doing it. Right. […]
Right back where I started
Max and I had a weekend away. Well, before that, I had a trip to the hospital – again. I got an opportunity to talk over things with a fresh pair of eyes, from long before Freddie to the here and now. What might have gone wrong, what might be wrong now. Could we have […]
Horror
A bright spring day. A handful of the kindest people. Smart clothes. Red brick, neatly tended. Flowers. A shiny black car. Silver trimmings. A tiny white coffin. A father’s arms to carry it. Flowers. Letters filled with love. Love was not enough. Music. Poetry. Flowers. A kiss on a box to say good-bye. A touch […]
Creative every day
We’ve had a really tough week, more disappointment for us and other people I care about, difficult stuff at work and a week of the younger three girls playing SCBU and Labour Ward games with PlayMobil. They’ve been clearly testing me, checking to see how well I cope with their subject matter and it has […]
More than a pair of socks
Here’s a nice picture of Freddie’s blanket. I made it big enough for him to sleep under as he grew – but he never did. But it has been such a comfort blanket – for me. I read the other day that an average pair of knitted socks has 34,000 stitches. I think this had […]
Pleased so far :)
First, the obligatory pox pic Not too bad, not ill at all and tonight is night 3, so hopefully over the worst. It’s nearly at her ankles and wrists now, so hopefully the worst is over. Amazing the way it spreads like that! I’ve done my piece of art to submit (it’s on flickr, I’ll […]
Love
This is a photo of my first cuddle with Freddie. I can pretty much count the cuddles I had with him on two hands 🙁 It was one of the most amazing moments of my life, as you can probably see from my face. The photos we have of him are mostly not terribly good, […]
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