This is a photo of my first cuddle with Freddie. I can pretty much count the cuddles I had with him on two hands 🙁 It was one of the most amazing moments of my life, as you can probably see from my face.
The photos we have of him are mostly not terribly good, it wasn’t much of a priority at the time. You don’t know you are only going to have 11 days during the 11 days. Every so often, I fiddle around with one. It’s kind of like doing something with him. Or for him.
This came at the end of a long day of photo-therapy. A nurse (my very favourite nurse) asked me if I wanted a cuddle and I remember saying “Can I?” and my heart leaping. He was trying to open his eyes, I know that Max and I really knew he was responding to our voices all day but during that cuddle he was responding to touch and making a real effort. I do wonder, an awful lot, if my instinct that the extra drugs that night would be a bad thing, was right. He was trying so hard in this picture. I remember saying “are you peeping at me?” over and over again. I still thought he might be okay.
This photo is very precious.