In the days following Freddie’s death, I was pointed to the Glow in the Woods writers and forum and a place where I would find comfort and solace and friendship among others who would understand what I was going through. I badly needed a place where the focus was not on angels or god or baby dust or tickers of people trying again. I needed a place where it was okay to feel angry and cheated and to rage and swear.
I found it at Glow. I survived the following 2 years up until Bene’s birth mostly thanks to the people who pointed me there and commented here and answered me there and thanks to the erudite writing of their post authors who describe the ebb and flow of grief so eloquently. The people who supported me here from Glow are people I will love forever. Though I’ve been less obviously active in the baby loss community than some, it is a circle of bloggers I think I will feel most closely at home among for the rest of my life.
Today I am honoured to have a guest post there; Glass Words describes as best I can the feeling of carrying on after the loss of a child and particularly our experience of carrying on with our other children and shouldering grief alongside them. Living children is one of the painful aspects of the infant loss community in some respects, it can divide us as much as it unites us. I wanted to try and encapsulate some of the bitter beauty of having other children to focus on in the aftermath of grief.
This post is for those of us who had to come home and break terrible news to the children who we would lay down our lives to protect from such heartbreak. And it is, just a little tiny bit especially, for a few people in my real life and my online life from aeons ago who have been in this same position and who have done so much to keep me going through the darkest times.