So Ben is two weeks old. It seems quite amazing that all that stress and worry turned into a baby and being at home and everything being really quite normal. I look, it is quite obvious, about ten years younger. I hadn’t realised quite what the time had done to me. I don’t know when it started? Did I look sad and drawn since Freddie or since before that? Either way, it seems to have melted away.
He’s settled with his feeding, though he does have a cold, which has set us back a bit. 5 sneezes in a row is a lot for a baby. I think he might be gaining weight now, since we’ve just realised he can’t straighten his legs in the tiny baby size babygro and he’s back in the newborn size one he wore his first night in hospital. His cord came off a couple of nights ago and we get lots of awake time now, with big thoughtful looks like this.
The girls have all been thrilled to learn to change his nappy; he sprinkled Josie twice in the process, to her horror. I think they mostly like doing this to marvel at the relative size of his boy bits compared to his body though. Willies are interesting, but squishy testicles are a source of endless fascination 🙄
I still just like gazing at him, especially when he folds up all sleepily like this.
But the crowning achievement of the week has been losing the yellow and dumping the syringes; as of yesterday he wakes up and feeds and asks and is flesh coloured.
It’s funny the things that catch me out though. It’s not the obvious things, like people in the house who almost never mention Freddie accidentally using the wrong name. It’s the curved balls that get me. Ben is growing eyelashes now, which he didn’t have at birth. They are blonde. I didn’t know if Freddie had eyelashes. I had to check a photo. And he did, long, dark ones. Ben is blonde, getting fairer by the day. And his lashes are blonde. And his mouth, much as I want it to, looks more like mine than Max and Amelie and Freddie’s. He isn’t him, nor really going to look as he would have looked. There are just shades of Freddie, little expressions and flickers. But not him.
We went out on Wednesday and went to WedEd. The girls made paper mache hearts and fimo charms stamped with letters and did gravity and forces by driving toy cars down slopes into pieces of banana and seeing what damage was caused and working out… Errr….. Something. They know, I don’t. Maddy says it is the best science ever.
They also did amazingly good animations using black card on white paper. Amelie has done two more since we came home. These are Maddys pieces.
It was lovely to be out, doing normal things for a day and be with friends. I loved showing Ben off and I loved the girls being relaxed and happy and back to ordinary life. And he and I went out for a baby wearing walk together 🙂
I love this photo. I love it for the life in his eyes and the fact we’ve nearly got this feeding thing cracked. And his beautiful gorgeous healthy looking self. But this one is my very favourite.
This was why I knew, all that time ago, that we needed to bring home one more baby. Because I just love watching this man be a daddy. And we make good parents. Not perfect, but really, really good.