So Ben is two weeks old. It seems quite amazing that all that stress and worry turned into a baby and being at home and everything being really quite normal. I look, it is quite obvious, about ten years younger. I hadn’t realised quite what the time had done to me. I don’t know when it started? Did I look sad and drawn since Freddie or since before that? Either way, it seems to have melted away.
He’s settled with his feeding, though he does have a cold, which has set us back a bit. 5 sneezes in a row is a lot for a baby. I think he might be gaining weight now, since we’ve just realised he can’t straighten his legs in the tiny baby size babygro and he’s back in the newborn size one he wore his first night in hospital. His cord came off a couple of nights ago and we get lots of awake time now, with big thoughtful looks like this.
The girls have all been thrilled to learn to change his nappy; he sprinkled Josie twice in the process, to her horror. I think they mostly like doing this to marvel at the relative size of his boy bits compared to his body though. Willies are interesting, but squishy testicles are a source of endless fascination 🙄
I still just like gazing at him, especially when he folds up all sleepily like this.
But the crowning achievement of the week has been losing the yellow and dumping the syringes; as of yesterday he wakes up and feeds and asks and is flesh coloured.
It’s funny the things that catch me out though. It’s not the obvious things, like people in the house who almost never mention Freddie accidentally using the wrong name. It’s the curved balls that get me. Ben is growing eyelashes now, which he didn’t have at birth. They are blonde. I didn’t know if Freddie had eyelashes. I had to check a photo. And he did, long, dark ones. Ben is blonde, getting fairer by the day. And his lashes are blonde. And his mouth, much as I want it to, looks more like mine than Max and Amelie and Freddie’s. He isn’t him, nor really going to look as he would have looked. There are just shades of Freddie, little expressions and flickers. But not him.
We went out on Wednesday and went to WedEd. The girls made paper mache hearts and fimo charms stamped with letters and did gravity and forces by driving toy cars down slopes into pieces of banana and seeing what damage was caused and working out… Errr….. Something. They know, I don’t. Maddy says it is the best science ever.
They also did amazingly good animations using black card on white paper. Amelie has done two more since we came home. These are Maddys pieces.
It was lovely to be out, doing normal things for a day and be with friends. I loved showing Ben off and I loved the girls being relaxed and happy and back to ordinary life. And he and I went out for a baby wearing walk together 🙂
I love this photo. I love it for the life in his eyes and the fact we’ve nearly got this feeding thing cracked. And his beautiful gorgeous healthy looking self. But this one is my very favourite.
This was why I knew, all that time ago, that we needed to bring home one more baby. Because I just love watching this man be a daddy. And we make good parents. Not perfect, but really, really good.
LOVE this post Merry ~ and YES, you do look wonderful :D.
Ben is adorable ~ and obviously so adorED 😀 It’s loving to hear how you are all settling in together. It’s precious that Ben reminds you of Freddie, yet is so fully himself already. I keep looking at your pictures on Flickr and have such amazing thankfulness in my heart that Ben has been gifted to your family ~ because ~ I think you really do make really, really good parents 😀 . Your blog is always an inspiration to me ~ through the highs and the lows. I would despair to have walked your journey (and pray I never will), but you are an amazing family to have survived (and still be swimming) the storm together ~ strong and in love with each other. THAT inspires me.
You remain in my prayers.
Cx
Love the photos and the fact you are managing so well and still coping with HomeEd…. (don’t know how you manage)….
Laughing at the nappy changing girls!!!
Look at him so earnestly feeding! Wonderful photo! 🙂
And yes, you really do look fabulous 🙂
Love your photos! You look amazing!
I really love your photos.
You deserved this happiness after all the difficulties and Im glad you finally got it. You do look so young in that top photo 🙂
I laughed at the nappy changing. Seb used to save it just for when someone was changing him.
Love the photos, wonderful to see you happy xx
ditto all the above. You truly are amazing parents, have thought that since the first time I discovered your blog….. an inspiration. Especially lovely to see a picture of you Merry, so often absent in your family photos. You look wonderful x
if I look so well after this number of children and what you’ve been through I’d be very happy. Sometimes I feel like I look 10 years older and I only have one 2 year old 🙂
a lovely post, especially the end phrase is stuck in my mind now..
I didn’t know you back then, so at first glance I assumed this was a photo of you with your first baby, and that the text would be about the difference between new and experienced motherhood. It’s wonderful that you are getting such joy. Goodness knows your family deserves it. And you will bring him, as all your others, great joy too.
Oh this is such a lovely post, grinning and tearing up again here. I’m so very happy for you all, and big big yay to no more syringes and no more yellow!!
Glad to see you are out and about and enjoying showing off that sweet little boy.
You look fabulous and he is perfect.
perfect, just perfect!
I love me a babywearing piccy – actually I loved all these pictures and your joyful, thoughtful words. You make very good parents 🙂