It hasn’t been quite the run up to Christmas that I planned; work, school, the pantomime, camp and pregnancy have combined to mean no time, lots of stress and very little blogging of Christmas crafty stuff, never mind doing it. We have done some things together but I lost my Christmas joy somewhere along the line and a lot of sadness and grief has caught up with me. I miss the little girls who spent all December with me these last two years, even though I revel in the big girls who are making lives for themselves now. But the rush, the grief, the empty spaces and the pile of things in the present wrapping that just isn’t there – oh, it all feels too much.
We resurrected it today though; the girls indulged me in some craftiness, we went out to town and wrapped presents for each other and then we went out to watch the panto together. The dancing girls were great, Maddy and Josie got called up on stage to take part in the singalong, so were totally delighted. And now tea is over and the girls in bed and the 4 stockings are out.
They made me smile today by drawing this on the windows. i thought they’d all forgotten and I was hurting but trying not to show it. But they hadn’t forgotten and they made me smile.
One stocking each, including Freddie and Marmite.
It’s Christmas; it doesn’t feel right and half of that is because I haven’t had to try quite so hard to make it bearable. It’s crept up and there is still someone missing. But Christmas it is – and we have much to enjoy and be happy for.
Missing my little boy very much, but grateful and glad for everything I have.