It hasn’t been quite the run up to Christmas that I planned; work, school, the pantomime, camp and pregnancy have combined to mean no time, lots of stress and very little blogging of Christmas crafty stuff, never mind doing it. We have done some things together but I lost my Christmas joy somewhere along the line and a lot of sadness and grief has caught up with me. I miss the little girls who spent all December with me these last two years, even though I revel in the big girls who are making lives for themselves now. But the rush, the grief, the empty spaces and the pile of things in the present wrapping that just isn’t there – oh, it all feels too much.
We resurrected it today though; the girls indulged me in some craftiness, we went out to town and wrapped presents for each other and then we went out to watch the panto together. The dancing girls were great, Maddy and Josie got called up on stage to take part in the singalong, so were totally delighted. And now tea is over and the girls in bed and the 4 stockings are out.
They made me smile today by drawing this on the windows. i thought they’d all forgotten and I was hurting but trying not to show it. But they hadn’t forgotten and they made me smile.
One stocking each, including Freddie and Marmite.
It’s Christmas; it doesn’t feel right and half of that is because I haven’t had to try quite so hard to make it bearable. It’s crept up and there is still someone missing. But Christmas it is – and we have much to enjoy and be happy for.
Missing my little boy very much, but grateful and glad for everything I have.
Merry Christmas.
((((xXx))))
Best wishes to you and all the family. x
I have been feeling similarly – fine, okay, content, grateful and -bam- I have spent the greater part of today having crying jags … at the cemetry, nursing Toby to sleep, prepping veggies. But, like you, I have much to be thankful for and I wish us both peace and joy tomorrow. Happy Christmas, Merry.
Wishing you all you would wish yourself. xxxx
love the stockings, all your babies loved, remembered, hoped for. is the bottom picture the view from your front window? i want to move in with you, it looks wonderful and so england-esque (is that a word?)
merry christmas, dear friend.
Yes, this all sounds so familiar. Watching my big girls, and loving how they’ve grown, but missing the little girl that should be here with them and my lovely boys.
Thinking of you and all of your children.. Merry Christmas
Those stockings would have had me bawling, it would been happy-ish tears, but I would have been crying none the less.
I hope your girls continued to bring smiles to your face on Christmas Day.
The bittersweetness is really ramped up a notch at Christmastime, I think.
xo
I love the stockings even though they made me cry so much I can hardly type. Wishing you joy and peace now and in the New Year, lots of love xx
Oh Merry, sounds like my Christmas. Beautiful that your girls drew stockings for Freddie and Marmite. Sending you all lots of Christmas love xxx h