Marmite has made it to 19 weeks and is still going strong 🙂 Yesterday my consultant and I agreed I am now half way. We have a date that should be Marmite’s birthday and a plan of sorts. The plan falls somewhere between mental health padded cell accommodation for me and the best and most sensible plan for the baby and it goes something like this.
Freddie’s birth did not appear to cause his problems; no one who has gone through his notes believes that apart from the consultant who delivered him who feels he must have missed something. He didn’t. If I hadn’t had 3 c-sections, both me and the new consultant would be comfortable with a 38 week induction. But the sections write off most of my induction options.I don’t think I can mentally go beyond 38 weeks, but I also can’t plan an elective section unless a medical reason presents itself. I’m still petrified of them and I know I can’t go through the doors expecting only that.
So my plan 😆 is to pretend that for the first time in 6 babies I will have a perfectly positioned baby at 38 weeks and that for the first time ever my cervix will not still be hermetically sealed. My plan is to arrive on that day hoping they can break my waters with all those perfect situations in place and labour normally, if cautiously and with a lot of monitoring which will miraculously not stress me out and slow things down and will miraculously not upset baby, who will perform perfectly and arrive 3 hours later.
If that doesn’t work, we’ll go for the exit hatch. I must admit it makes me very sad, because Freddie’s birth was lovely and I know I can do it, the thought of a baby who needs SCBU with me post operative terrifies me and the recovery and the thought of being in a hospital I have such sad memories in for more than a day horrifies me. But I don’t think I can ever have a birth as lovely as Freddie’s – and I definitely can’t risk the possibility of another random and statistically unlikely disaster occurring. So now I just have to contend with the one thing I’ve always been frightened off with a c/s, a weird fluid blow back thing – I’m secretly convinced I have that coming and it will kill me.
Ha.
SO this baby got a good checking over yesterday and a slightly early anomaly scan, as it was a good time to fit it in. It was much less stressful to do it unexpectedly although something desperately sad occurred in the room ahead of me and I just ached for the couple ushered out 🙁 Everything looked very good, nothing missing, brain in place, heart working, spine looking lovely, limbs and organs all accounted for.
And (hopefully) even better, Marmite is a boy 🙂
He’s a bit trixy this one, not quite a accommodating of my sensitivities as Freddie. He’ been wiggling on and off since the end of our holiday but he goes to sleep for 2 days at a time and scares me, eventually giving me a good old booting when I’ve given him up for lost. But the wiggling has got gradually stronger and this last few days I think he has tipped up and made it into the interior rather than hanging around near the exit. He also doesn’t think Mama should listen to his heart. 🙄 I sense a personality here.
Despite all the terror which inevitably accompanies this baby, I know I feel more positive than I did with Freddie. I know that even on the day when there was no obvious baby to scan right at the beginning, I didn’t quite believe it. I know while waiting for my blood tests I told Max I just sensed it was okay. I know that when she rang to say they were not doubling, I didn’t quite believe her. I was petrified that the world had more coming for us at the Nuchal scan, but since then my confidence has grown and I didn’t really expect them to see anything bad yesterday. I almost believe this one will come home, thoughI suspect we’ve got a few hoops to jump first.
When we discovered he was a boy, a little bit of me wondered if the universe has forgiven me, if I’ve done enough now to pay back. And that is an encouraging thought.
Be well Marmite. Be feisty and and strong and angry and come home and make us jump all the hoops you like. Just come home whole and healthy and well.
What wonderful news Merry. I am smile for you. Marmite is a boy, that is fab. I hope that all goes well with the birth, both mine ended up as c-sections before 38 weeks and both were fines sizes (6.12 and 7.02) and neither needed NICU, so heres hoping for you too
This is fantastic news Merry! So pleased to hear that everything is going well and that you are trusting your instincts & feelingmore positive. I think it’s wonderful that Marmite is a boy – and I am certain that he will be coming home with you. Lots of love xx
Congratulations Merry! You’re sounding so strong, it’s good to hear 🙂
Fantastic 🙂 Well done, Marmite Puddle, keep growing strong and healthy for your mama, dada, sisters and brother xx
what a lovely post for a wild september morning 🙂 I’m happy for you all, and like everyone else send you lots and lots of very very special mama wishes for this little marmite and all of the hopes vested in his safe arrival. we’ll be here. every. step. of. the. way. willing you all to a happy ending. x
How lovely to hear some positive news 🙂 Marmite was the name of our boy’s imaginary friend and he was a super chap – always bringing presents. All good wishes to you, Merry. x
Fab news… and a fab name 🙂
Oh Merry. A baby boy, just what I’d hoped for you. How amazing. I’m so, so pleased for you.
I hate Marmite the substance, but *love* it as a nickname 🙂
Look forward to seeing more pictures of you, Marmite! Behave for your mummy 🙂 xx
Thanks for the update – lovely to read such positive news … I can’t believe you’re at 19 weeks already (although I appreciate that for you, it must feel like it’s taken a long time to get this far). We have a series of toddler-art in progress at the moment, that has been titled ‘Marmite’ by its creator lol
Oh Merry, I am so pleased to read this news. A little boy with all the vital bits in place – how wonderful. And I like your plan. I couldn’t envision anything except an elective section when I was pregnant with Toby – and it was fine. He was big and healthy and lusty at 38+3 but sometimes, I still wish I had tried another vba2c (although he was not ready for labour at that point and I think it would have involved me holding on for another couple of weeks). I think there might have been some healing in it that eludes me now, as my baby birthing days are done.
I truly hope that your ideal scenario presents itself, it sounds like a good plan. I think Marmite will be arriving not long after T’s birthday (19th January)?
So, so , so please for all of you Merry, I have everything crossed for you!
Zoe x
I really hope it goes well for you. All good so far….and I believe you will be fine. The birth – who knows HOW he’ll get here, but Marmite will be ok – I can just feel it.
19 weeks! Congratulations Merry! Ah, the birth. Something I have been effectively avoiding thinking about in my own situation. Such decisions, but it sounds like you’ve got a good plan and I sure hope it all goes perfectly.
Be well mamma….. xo
{{big hugs}} And many hopes and prayers for you and Marmite! So happy for you, and you are sounding really well, Merry.
19 weeks and a fabulous post! Birth after loss is so difficult – I wish you all the best and a calm heart as your pregnancy continues to progress. I am so happy for you: happy it’s a healthy boy, happy to read joy in your words. Continue to thrive Marmite and take care of yourself, Merry.
So lovely to read this.x
so very pleased for you all a lovely boy the very best wishes for you all x anne and family
Awww a little boy, So pleased for you Merry, and willing good things for you all.
I had a 36wk and a 37wk and neither needed special care.
(((hugs)))
Carol
congratulations, that’s wonderful news, sending best wishes for you all.
Love the plan, just a little bit early doesn’t necessarily mean scbu, my youngest was an elective c section at 38 weeks and she weighed 7lb 15, and my eldest was born at 34 weeks weighing 5lb 3 neither needed scbu.
great to hear your good news 😀
What a handsome Marmite! And a healthy looking one too! Hang onto that good feeling Merry – I think he’s coming home with you. Glad to hear you’ve got a plan in place – and a plan b if necessary. Sending lots of good wishes for the next 19 weeks xxxx h
I’m so happy for your wonderful news! You are such an amazing person and you are going through this pregnancy with such strength and grace. Love and blessings to you and little Marmite and to the whole Puddle family xx
Love and hugs to you all. Sometimes there are no plans you can make that are ideal, so plan for the best you can do in the circumstances you are in? I had a good, peaceful cs with Carys and was sitting up within an hour feeding her. One of the gifts Freddie gave you was one less scar on your uterus (albeit with a massive one on your heart). And you never know, Marmite might decide to buck the trend and come out early 🙂
Jenny xxx
Thank you all very much for your lovely comments.
I must admit a wave of real sadness has hit me at the thought of a c/s. It feels like a defeat snatched from the jaws of triumph.
As for SCBU, I’m not really worried by 37 week requirements so much as ‘inexplicably sick’. If it wasn’t Freddie’s birth that caused him to be so ill, it was something else – and something else could happen again.
“Be well Marmite. Be feisty and and strong and angry and come home and make us jump all the hoops you like. Just come home whole and healthy and well.”
I will join my voice in your wishes quoted above. Be well. Live, be happy and healthy! Congratulations.
Thank you very much 🙂 Have been reading your blog. *hugs*
I think you should try osteopathy – our family always have posterior babies but I went to an osteopath and he really helped, and the baby was positioned so perfectly she came out with the first push. Also recommend natal hypnotherapy. Sending love xxx
Well I do think having my back sorted helped Freddie’s birth. This baby has its placenta at the back, the first time ever for me, so no doubt it will be perfectly positioned but just refuse to move ahead of time. if I could have prostin, I’d stand a chance, but I’m not holding my breath for anything otherwise. I’m sad. I’d love to do another beautiful birth and carry him out the same day.
A lot I can relate to in here. I so wanted a VBAC with Juliet, but at 38w3d, I was done and she wasn’t going anywhere. So I took the elective c/s. I couldn’t book it in any earlier, as I hated the idea of making plans too far ahead. I wanted to wait as long as I could, but in the end I just couldn’t get there. Her birth was beautiful though, even if I didn’t get to push her out.
So pleased Marmite is so well. If you lived here, he’d be Vegemite!! 🙂
xo