Good things first – the Melrose stairs, a bit of bad tummy and swollen tonsils have done their work – i’m another 1lb lighter this week. So that makes 11lbs since Christmas Eve now. I’m not sure that anyone could really tell yet, but i can. Plus my husband is practically wasting away; i’m going to have to start putting sugar in his tea or something. 😆 From here on in i’ll be delighted with a solid downward trend of 3lbs a month, which should be even more do-able once i feel better, can start walking again and can get to the allotment. It does feel good to be making inroads into the only thing that makes me really unhappy, at last. Getting down to a sort of comfortable i’ve-had-4-children-but-i’m-not-completely-incapable-of-showing-some-control size would be really nice. I can put up with just about anything else, from people who have decided to hate me, to people who think i can never be good enough for their high expectations, but i can’t put up with my own low opinion of myself. Things are just beginning to snap in me; i’ve acquired a hard shell in the last few months that i wanted to never get because i thought that to want to be good and giving and kind would always be enough, but which i am starting to realise i need in order to protect myself. That will only really work if i am proud of myself from inside. Thanks to Max’s support over the whole dieting thing, i am beginning to find the strength to do that.
Other than that it has been a mildly pants day really. Last night i was completely out of it with temperature to the point of lying shaking and shivering on the sofa, despite all the pills i could take, accusing Max of having lost Josie (he’d put her to bed!) not knowing the light was still on and having a series of confusing dreams that mixed up Josie’s birth with the film “Goodfellas” – rather unpleasant to say the least. I went to bed in a duvet, a sleeping bag, a hot water bottle and a jumper. I must have started to get bed in the night as i woke up this morning in just my duvet 🙂 I think i really need to look at improving my general health; it is just ridiculous that at 32 i can be knocked out by a throat bug. I shudder to think what this is doing to my general life expectancy 🙁 I’ve had 3 years of being pulled to pieces by routine infections now 🙁 I’ve had so many courses of antibiotics, my body has a permanent hostelry set up for candida infections. It has its own curtains and kitchen cupboard right here in my portholes 🙄
On the other hand, Max and i have been Rightmove shopping having decided that whichever of the 4 current options on offer in life at the moment we end up taking, we’ll buy a house soon. Has been very enjoyable to be looking a houses, nice houses, with excitement today. I’d like to mull them over with people who know me sometime soon, but it’ll have to be away in private somewhere, so if you’d like to know where i am musing, let me know and when i start, i’ll send you the addy.
Also rather liberating to set the girls loose with a candlemaking kit jax gave Maddy and see them make 3 really good candles. Normally i’m horribly anal about getting them to “do things RIGHT goddam you!!!” I’m not sure if it was because i was ill or because someone else had bought the resources but i didn’t feel any requirement to supervise and they worked it all out themselves. Well done girls.
Amelie went mental over something or other but lately she and i have been practising a deep breathing thing to calm her down; she asks me to help her do it now when she gets upset and it works.
So, hopefully i’m now recovered enough to do the next 48 hours (visitors welcome); Max has left me food parcels and with Chris P’s help, i’ve even just encrypted our wireless. I’m so good.
It is an extremely stern voice, having carted her off to a secure and separate place, that informs her that she is GOING to calm down and that yes she can do it and then we do several big breaths together. And we are touching, normally her on my knee, all the time. It has taken some practise, but we’ve got there.
Glad you’re starting to feel better.
Wish I could interest M in calming down when she loses it – that sounds a useful trick
Hm, are you suggessting that those of us who have more than four children *are* completely incapable of showing self-control? 😉
(You could be right, anyway LOL)
Hope your health improves soon :-/
It’s not too late- 32 isn’t old! You’ve started on a good road and you sound like you plan to stick to it. Sounds like you need to really overload on good stuff going in (not just the diet bit). I was thinking of you the other morning, I have started drinking those Innocense smoothies plus forcing 2 litres of water down 😉 and they have really helped to detox my body. My skin is smoother and fresher and I feel so much more alive. Not really explaining this very well I fear.
House hunting sounds good! I wish I could just pick an area and go for it, we are completely tied to here. Good Luck!
That calming technique works for two of mine- nothing works for Boo as yet! She screamed and thrashed herslef to sleep last night because Tony played with Buzz :-(.
Oh Ros 🙁
Nah, 32 isn’t old at all – but i must admit all this ill health has made me feel just dreadful, so i really must get a handle on it. I know i can do it – we got the most recent batch of photos from Olan Mills today and the difference in how Amelie looks in them from before the milk revelation has to be seen to be believed! i think you are right, i need to do the same.
Yes, i think one way or another we need a change, there is much going on i can’t put here but i’ll let you know as soon as i know. Some of it we’ll probably know by tomorrow.
Lol – and Deb – no not at all, although i do find i lack time to think of self control.
No, what fires my self loathing is i find myself thinking – “i hate my stomach, i hate being fat, fuck it, i’ll eat a packet of biscuits.”
Yeah, that makes sense 🙄
It makes sense to me! Or maybe I’m confusing sense with familiarity…
And – tomorrow? Tell me, tell me! (Email?)
Good for you all round, Merry. You won’t need the hard shell to protect yourself once you feel good about yourself generally – self-esteem is protective in itself – (says she all theoretically as I haven’t achieved good self-esteem myself yet!)
I wish I could help you on the health/infection front – nutritional therapy is my ‘thing’ but I still just don’t know enough to really be consulted properly – I may be able to give a few pointers though although they may be things you know already. Let me know if you want me to do a bit of research for you! I will enjoy it.
And hooray about the house shopping!!
It is all change then-what will we do without you here in pboro?! we can’t have muddplepuddle without mrs. muddlepuddle.
But you won’t be here either!
Ill health, I remember that after Jake was born, as for losing weight well done, again I remember doing that too (again after Jake). The calming technique sounds interesting, might try that. House shopping sounds good.
We have a similar technique with B, I cuddle him up close (under a blanket works best) and we count backwards from 10 doing big deep breaths. It doesn’t always stop it but it helps!
House stuff sounds very exciting, trying not to bounce up and down saying “G’won tell me all the stuff” as I appreciate you don’t want to tell everyone! I’m really glad the milk free stuff is working for Amelie and well done on encrypting the wireless. We had to do ours when someone else locally went wireless, we realised if we could see their network then they could see ours!
sally, can’t find your email addy – so email me. It is really only secret because it is related to Max’s work so if i have met people, i’m happy to talk 🙂
lol Sally, we have about 4 around here, 2 encrypted (incl ours), 2 not – handy when Sarah’s Mac was having trouble getting through the encryption 😉
Looking forward to hearing all the developments Merry!
Merry – mailed you!
Alison you must live in a very techno-able area, people look at me like I’m mad round here if I say something like “We do our shopping online now” (obviously it would be in context, I would be mad if thats how I started the conversation 😉 ) so one other person being wireless was amazing!
You should be proud of yourself on the inside and the outside – four fabulous girls, a home business and the ability to organise a bunch of people who are about as easy to herd as cats. We all loved Melrose, and Myf wants to crochet a circle ‘just like Merry’s’. 🙂
And I’d love to join in the house musing please. xx