So, hands up if you’ve been screaming “take her out of nursery” from the back rows for a while now? Yeah… thought so 🙁
Today was the last gasp attempt; i had a bit of a conversation with her very lovely class teachers, but they can’t tell me what to do, i watched her playing, i saw her panic when she thought i was going (i wasn’t, i was looking for her) i heard her say “I don’t want to be on my own” in a very forlorn voice – and i still persuaded her to stay for an hour without me 🙁 When i went back, she was okay but hardly enthusiastic, she wouldn’t look me in the eye, she won’t tell me anything she did, and she won’t even tell me for definite how she feels. All i’ve had is a very small “no” when i asked her if she wanted to go back next week.
If this has been a worthwhile exercise in anything, it’s shown me how horrible it must be for people who haven’t yet discovered HE or who can’t believe it would work. Trying to summon up the courage to buck the trend and have the courage of a half-believed conviction must be a nightmare. I can so see why people end up trying everything to make it work and agonising over how to keep kids in, rathe than take them out. Even knowing what i know, even knowing there is no reas
on for her to be there, it’s been impossibly hard to get it right. I’ve been so convinced that i have turned her against it, without meaning to, that it has been difficult to really hear her voice. I really wanted it to work for her, not for us. But it hasn’t. She doesn’t want to be there.
I feel utterly and completely a total failure over the whole thing. The one thing i thought i had learned was how to listen to my children. Amelie and i don’t have a particularly easy relationship but i did think i knew her and i thought i knew well enough how to get it right for her. But i’ve utterly failed. I was so worried i was letting my gung-ho “buck the system, get them out” mentality get the better of me, that i’ve ended up actually sacrificing my daughter to the system i dislike. I couldn’t see past the fact that the other two have enjoyed it and that Amelie “ought” to enjoy it. What an a*se. What i’m left with, after half a term, is a daughter who has reverted to screaming at me if she wants something and who no longer trusts me enough to tell me honestly what she feels.
Who knows what she feels? If this is Call my Bluff, i guess she’s now called it hard enough to discover the consequences. If it wasn’t, it’s only fair that it is me who suffers her displeasure i guess. I’m the one who hasn’t been listening, after all. It is a bit of a shame it had to all come to a head this week though, i could have done with the week ending on a high. I guess it has really, i’ve claimed my girl back from the system earlier than i thought i would; i’m damn sure Josie won’t be going. I’d had it. Withdrawal letter gets dropped off on Monday.
don’t be so hard on yourself, it’s only been a few weeks, and you can hardly call yourself a failure when it’s all been so confusing. I’m sure the trust between you can be rebuilt really quickly.
Hey, you haven’t failed – it’s only been about 5 weeks, and both of you have shown an awful lot of ambivalence. Anyway, you weren’t the only person making the decision, and you’ve kept your side of it – and I completely know what you mean about not wanting your bias preventing her from having a good experience there. You’ve tried, she doesn’t like it, she’s not going. That’s not a failure, she wants to be with you and her family – take it as a compliment 🙂
Merry, it took me 2 years to get it through my head that Becca hated nursery, 5 weeks was a fair trial – you tried, she decided to be different from her 2 big sisters, you took the hint and it’s finished. Becca has “recovered” and forgiven me, I’m sure Ammi will do the same for you.
yep, I’m with the others. D did 9 months of nursery and HATED it every single day. He cried, I cried BUT it was what led us to HE. We are still very close, he has never blamed me for leaving him anyway and better to have tried and decided against it than never to have tried at all! Go easy on yourself – one trauma at a time eh? 😉 xx
Don’t be so hard on yourself Merry. As I remember this you was never that happy about it but felt you had to give it a go cos Max thought it was worth a try. ( not blaming him either btw) She will get over it and at least you will never have the what if…….
I’ve no idea *why* you think of yourself as a failure!! It could equally have been considered wrong to have removed her at first whiff of dislike because sometimes it’s the newness that’s difficult, not the thing. So if you’d removed her at first sign of a ripple then she might find it harder to get past the newness anxiety about something else next time. You gave it a fair shot, she didn’t like it so you removed her. What are you beating yourself up over??
Next time an opportunity arises for something she hasn’t experienced you can remind her that, like nursery, if she trys it and doesn’t like it then she doesn’t have to do it. Lucky Ammi, not all children have parents who are able to listen to their young children AND act on it 🙂
FWIW you havent failed, you have given Amelie the choice of nursery and home. Dont be so hard on yourself.
(((Merry)))
Please try not to be so hard on yourself. Least it was only 5 weeks, compared to my 6 months with ADJ. She will come round I’m sure, ADJ has. To my surprise AW loved nursery, but we went through a ‘sticky patch’ with tears, after he’d been there a year??? I think he was bored, because once he moved up to the next class, we didn’t get a backward glance. As we all know children are unique. EJM starts nursery in Jan. Not looking forward to it, but he has asked to go? Hoping for him he’s like AW and not ADJ, but he could be something completely different.
Love to you all. You are a fantastic mother, don’t forget it!!!!
Love Karen x
awww Merry only just read this post, at least you gave it a go , it took 3 diff attempts at school over 6 motnths for me to get it through my thick skull that what Naomi had been sayig was right, and 6 years for poor old Lana ! pics of your girls always look so happy you must be doing a good job 🙂 xx