You’d think i’d have some inkling of what’s going on by now, i mean i do have 4 of them and i am with them 24 hours a day – and i do put in a reasonable amount of thought about them. But no, i seem to stumble about in the dark quite a bit.
Still. Tammy came over today to sit the 3 others while Amelie and i tried nursery again. Amelie came out with the surprisingly lucid (if you think about it) comment “I do want to go, but i don’t want to go.” For a 3 year old, i think she expressed that fairly well. So we went, to give it another try, and within minutes it was obvious she was perfectly happy for me to leave her. Which given yesterdays performance was a trifle surprising. On the way home though i had a lightbulb moment and came to the conclusion that this is a control thing, not in the negative sense but in quite a reasonable and acceptable sense. Amelie likes to be in control; going to nursery is a big thing and she needs to know she is calling the shots. Well, that is fair enough. I think yesterdays tears were about checking that if she said no, i would listen and when i did listen, that made it fine.
So *Gold Star Mummy* points there i think. Must admit feeling really frustrated for the screaming little boy at the door while i was watchnig Ammi through the window though. His mum held him and cuddled him, promised she wouldn’t leave him then walked in, let a nursery teacher peel him away, turned around and left. Now, i know its not easy, but the last time i left a child like that, Fran was less than 1, accepting a few weeks when it just couldn’t be avoided when Maddy was 6 months or so. And i just feel so frustrated for people who perhaps don’t realise this doesn’t have to be obligatory. I’m just such a different person from the one who thought lying to a small child was okay. (EDIT: Just want to qualify this a bit; i’m not being judgemental of the individual here, though it might seem it, but i do think that we have a system set up completely wrong if it mainly revolves around children being “broken ” from their parents. If we had the school system right, it would start at an age where children were ready to move away to some extent and this whole culture of having weeping children peeled away from sobbing mummys just wouldn’t exist. If Amelie had wept, i’d have taken her home, i only wish she had really.)
Anyway. This morning passed in a haze of normals, maths book boardgames, colouring etc. Fran did some stuff on Richard the Lionheart, which we talked about in some depth (not that i know a great deal.) We talked about how the “infidels” of our story are actually a Religious group we know well, the difference between Religions having an impersonal “hating” face and the personal level of people who know each other, how the Crusades are probably responsible for much of the Worlds troubles since. And yes, you’ve guessed it, she’d quite like to know more. So we’ve got a plan to look at Islam and Christianity in more depth and also try to find out the story from both sides; i think i know the perfect people for that. 😉
All of which did make me think that while i’m not good at fascinating my children with the wonders of maths, something i beat myself up about rather a lot, i am a pretty good resource when it comes to the story of our world historically. And more, how wonderful it is that my children have inspired me to know more about that.
(PS “Scarf ladies” as the girls here refer to you, Tammy and i were wondering about covering Eid at group and then some other religious festivals in the run up to Xmas. Would you be up for that? Would be nice to cover several different religions to give it balance.)
This PM we did some Rainbow Rock, played with Sam, finished off First People and decided to do a Timeline of some of the things we’ve discovered and then the big two played while i fed Josie.
Maddy has decided to give up dancing, she has found the instructions to hard to follow, so that meant only Fran was going to be going. I needed to collect Ammi from Late Club promptly because if you go even a minute over the cut off point you get charged for the next hour, which is an extra £3. I bathed Josie, settled down to feed her, gave Fran a 30 minute warning and reminded her of exactly what she needed to do. 15 minutews later i called out and asked her if she had everything together and asked her to start changing. “Yes, got it all, done it” she called. So, 5 minutes till leaving, Josie finishes and i tell them to go get in the car. At which point it becomes obvious that Fran is not washed, not changed, has not brushed her hair, has not found her missing sodding ballet shoe. ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And what i hate about this is that a) she had lied and b) i just start screaming. So i turn into the mother from hell, she cries, we end up driving like a loon to get there, all because she thinks i’ll nanny her into everything (which i never do with this so you’d think she’d have learned) and because she is incapable of putting her uniform and shoes into the uniform and shoes drawer. I mean, how difficult is it? I’m not ferrying her to ballet for the good of my health. 🙄 She does actually want to go, so i mean, come on?
She got her come-uppance today because i charged her the £3 the extra minute cost me, so that is this weeks pocket money gone. *Horrid mummy*
Tomorrow will hopefully have some arty-crafty, hands on stuff in it. We’ve finished ETC4 and are going to take a break from that, so i think we’ll aim for drive-by-normals of a few pages of Singapore (nice and easy for her and clear and simple) and a bit of Smelly Spelling. She and i looked at some CGP History too; might use that as normals for “jumping off” points but really, given its supposed to go up to age 11, its stupidly lightweight. She’d be bored silly with that level of stuff in school. Might get back into a reading book too as she isn’t reading much now all out long car journeys have stopped.
My last thing of the day is the complete warfare that has broken out between Amelie and Maddy. They are being utter bitches to each other and it makes me so sad as up till now we’ve generally had very harmonious sibling relationships. When i think how badly my own relationship with my sister broke down during our childhood, it made me realise tongiht (after they were sent to bed in silent disgrace for a cat fight), that i have to approach this differently. I need to give them some strategies for dealing with the strong natures they have and their different abilities to deal out, deal with anger. Maybe if i start now and give them some understanding of how they hurt each other, the teenage years will be almost bearable.
Having been that person who peeled children out of parents arms I can say it isn’t usually for the parents good or because they feel the child ‘has’ to attend nursery. It is heartbreaking for the three people concerned and taking home is rarely an option.
ballet shoes are a world on their own and I don’t think it EVER gets into their heads! We have started to pack the bag and put it next the front door straight after breakfast on dancing days so I can check it and they have all day to find! Starting to help :-).
Siblings fighting? Welcome to the world most of us live in every day! I fought with mine and still do but I think it has just made our bond closer. It was and is a ‘healthy’ battle. Difficult to word this…. Mine fight and argue, name call and are hell to each other but my word are they close! I shouldn’t stress about it. Boo is rather pleased that she has upset someone if I say it LOL! Then again she has little understanding of emotions and couldn’t give a toss really one way or the other. She often tells us all she hates us and we are the worst in the world (fill in the gaps with real abuse). perfectly natural childhood behaviour from a child who isn’t so naturally a child.
Oh i know, i think that is my point though really. It’s all just gone terribly wrong somewhere 🙁 of course, given i’m dropping my child off there too, its hardly okay for me to say it but i wouldn’t be able to do the walking away from a sobbing child thing now.
I must admit though, it was the blatent lie involved: “I’m not going to leave you” bam! i’ve left. How have we reached a point where people think they have to do that, or indeed DO have to do that? it seems a less than ideal premise to start the scenario on. I actually remember my mum taking me to playgroup on my first day and then realising she had gone without a word to say so.
No perfect scenarios, like i say, i’m hardly anti-childcare-environment as i have used it for all of mine so far. But it seems to be more and more brutal, like its an accepted rite of passage to sob for your mummy. The nursery staff think i’m mad because i won’t sneak away, but then most of the hospital staff were astonded we had warned Fran at 5 that her mouth would hurt post-op. Bizarre really that people think children will be less traumatised if people tell them it won’t.
maybe she meant “I’m not going to leave you here forever” but has poor communication skills.
When you find the answer to the ‘siblings being nice to each other’ scenario, please share! My three are constantly bitching and fighting and pinching and kicking each other, and we’re nowhere near the teenage years. Myf is turning into a really nasty little cow and sometimes I don’t know where she’s got it from.
And then at others, she’s adorable – like today when she changed Piglet’s nappy, cleared and laid the table and then asked me if she could make me a cup of tea. All without asking. 🙂
Maybe. It was all a bit dismal, made me feel like i wanted to rush up and tell her she didn’t have to do this, just incase she didn’t know. Managed to restrain myself 🙂
I too have heard comments at the nursery gate like ‘he had to be carried in kicking and screaming – but you have to do it don’t you’ – I couldn’t help myself I said ‘I couldn’t do it’ – no-one jump on me – I didn’t say they couldn’t do it – just me. I stayed with Emma until I knew she was fully occupied and happy and always said goodbye much to the disgust of the staff! She always worried if I wasn’t there when the doors opened and all the other mummys were there. Mind you I must say that I had already made the decision to home educate before she ever went to nursery so I think you are aware of these things more than most mums. I’m not saying that a lot of mums don’t also get upset when their children cry because they are being left and sometimes they may not have a choice as Ros says – no-one to look after them if both parents work etc It seems that the mothers also have to go through this upsetting ritual to come through the other side too. What has society turned into? What I used to hate were comments from some staff like – ‘it does them good to cry’ wtf? and other such rubbish. xx I can read the side bars now Merry.
Merry, I’m the same as you these days. I can’t leave my baby’s crying no matter what. I feel like it is their testing us, to be sure we will respond. I know there’s not an easy answer for a lot of people, but I like you feel like something somewhere has gone terribly wrong when we just ignore their cries. Tough lesson for Fran, but seems very fair to me:-)(((HUGS)))
Hi Merry,
I know the dragging feet senario. We do a count down, 10 min, 7min, 5 min, 3 mins and often Abi is left screaming she ‘isnt ready’ or hasnt done xxxx. I also tend to give similar punishments either monetary or in time- has to be done and sometimes it has to be the hard way.
As for the sibling thing, we suffer terribly from that between Abi and Emma who often ‘hate’ each other and it certainly like watching a movie of me and my sister. We have never really managed to salvage that and things still are strained to say the least, which i dont want for my girls.
If you figure out a way through it with your girls, let me know.
((hugs))
Carol
xxx
and you’ve seen my lot fight, so you know it happens here, and you know I don’t have a clue how to sort them out – they will sort themselves out eventually (or Abbie will kill Josiah, whichever comes first).
Had to laugh at the similarities between your day and mine over the ballet kit. Life’s just like that, I suppose!
ROFL – Sarah i laughed out loud at that!
It is all a bit weird, i’ve obviously had a very easy start because Fran amd Maddy really don’t fight, i can’t think of many times at all, except over things like Maddy not helping to tidy the room which is, lets face it, something that happens because i interfere in the relationship by making them tidy up!
This screaming fury of teeth and nails stuff between Maddy and Amelie is a bit of a new one. it does bother me because it is reminiscent of the fighting my sister and i did and to be honest, we never really did sort it out. I had a sudden image of myself sitting on the end of a phone in 15 years time fielding angst from them about each other and just figured that zero tolerance to it was not enough, somehow i have to try and make them have a smattering of respect for one another 🙁 . But we’ll see.
My brother and I fought physically all the time, basically until he finally grew taller than me and it wasn’t a fair fight any more – when I was 14 or 1. But we were always very close when we weren’t fighting 🙂 The year after we stopped bashing each other and resorted to verbal attacks, I really could not stand him
oops, dunno what I pressed there, but I certainly didn’t mean to send that yet!
Anyway, just wanted to say it’s not all doom and gloom for the future just because at 3 and 5 they’re fighting! Throughout our late teens and early twenties K&I spent a *lot* of time together – loads of shared friends, I went to his school for 6th form, he used to come up and see me at college when he was having a year out – and got really close again. And we still get on very well now 🙂
Me and Frazer fought like the proverbial cat and dog as kids too and are close now. My two squabble a fair bit and know exactly how to push each others buttons but would also stick up for each other and play together loads. I am aware that they are in what many would consider a ‘false environment’ (although I see it as natural) in that they rarely do much without each other so I’d probably be more worried if they didn’t wind each other up really.
Similarly I don’t really tolerate physical violence though – but I suspect even if I left them to battle it out like that it wouldn’t last long 😉 One is bigger and stronger and the other is swifter and more spiteful – and even match really and one which ends in someone’s tears by about the second blow!
And finally, getting out of the house is the cause of more rows in our house than anything else put together. That includes me yelling at the grown up resident of the house when he is faffing about too! 😉
I don’t think you can sort the fighting out for them. It requires them to understand each other and that will only come with maturity imho. My next sister down and I had some humdinger of some fights, she regularly used to threaten to kill me and a couple of times even got a knife to have a go, I remember barricading myself in my room when my parents were out and her jabbing it under the door! Our teens were indifference to each other at best and now although we aren’t close in emotional sharing everything terms I do appreciate her for what she is and shes one of only 4 people who I trust to look after the kids (2 of the others being my parents!) and I know I can rely on her in an emergency. So you might have to wait 20 years but they will get better 😉
I really enjoy reading your blog, Merry. I’m from Texas, so it’s really interesting seeing homeschooling from a different culture. I wanted to let you know about a great book for children. It’s called Saladin-Prince of Islam, by Diane Stanley. My son really got a lot out of it.
Thanks Dot (hello!) i’ll look out for that.
Eid isn’t really the “festival” we work for. Ramadan is the occasion we follow – Eid being the culmination of that. Just two cents. Would be good to do something on it as it starts next week.
hi merry, lovely new look. i like.
i’m the book lady. great in theory, terrible in action.lol!
but anyway, siblings without rivalry is really good if you want to borrow?
let me know how it works, i might try it!!!
i don’t mind looking at the basics of all the world religions, but i don’t want to do anything more detailed than what my lot already know at this point in time, ie: what they need to get along and show respect and understanding for each other.
the problem when you have people who are passionate about what they believe is that things are no longer explained objectively, and that bothers me hugely in a learning environment (my teacher training experience springs to mind, where Jesus *is* the son of God, Hindus believe…. Muslims believe….Buddhists believe….)
Could write a lot about this, but since I don’t actually *go*, will have breakfast instead!!!