This will be our fourth Christmas without him. I’m quite practiced at this now. I’ve learned what to do and what not to do. I know I’ll cry when I see 5 stocking put out, but not as hard as I cried at 4 and when it felt like there was no hope of there […]
The Angry.
Wednesday was a really tough day. Every so often, a grief day emerges, out of nowhere except a combination of events and hormones and co-incidences and moments of unexpected thoughtlessness. And Wednesday started, as it so often does, with a dream. I never dream about Freddie; I have barely dreamed of him at all; I […]
We don't talk about the SCBU days.
I’m writing today at Glow in the Woods about the reality of parenting after losing a child who lived his whole life in the care of the medical people we trust with our lives and who couldn’t save him. I don’t write much about the SCBU days. It’s still too painful to think about, let […]
It's been outstanding… #MadBlogAwards
So. A friend, or two, say you should start blogging and you think about it for a while and you think that maybe you will. You write about the first words a daughter says and how it feels when wasp larvae eat the caterpillars and there are a lot of Hama Beads and an awful […]
This bit of me.
I think I once knew these as ‘Preacher in the Pulpit’, a long time ago, when people told me the names of flowers. I think, confused, I mixed up pulpit with spit and believed they grew from the untouchable, improbable, highly suspicious cuckoo spit that foamed and flawed the weeds of our walks. Spit. Pulpit. […]
Monkey Do
He was playing on the floor at work this week, engrossed in two plastic cars off the stock shelves and a box of shredded paper. Perfect play fodder for a little boy. Cars and mess. We were both smiling at him and watching him play. Distracted, he looked up and reached for a different toy. […]
Right Where I Am: Three Years, Two Months
The yearly check in with grief via Still Life with Circles has become fundamental to me. I have waited for it to come around again yet now I wonder what thoughts to write. If I say “Life is good”, I feel the eyes of the boy who isn’t on my back. Imagining myself walking on, […]
See the sun again.
April has come and gone. It was hard this year. Hard because it will always be hard. Hard because it fought against the Spring and the sympathetic balm of warmth and light that is normally so familiar, so sweet, so sad, did not come. Hard because there was no fug of new baby warmth and […]
Three.
I love you, little boy. We didn't get long enough, or enough cuddles, or to get to know each other properly, but you are loved. Loved by all of us. In all sorts of ways. Sleep well little boy. Happy birthday.
You may Wonder.
I have a friend, who I have never met and who I share only a few things in common with, called Johnny Daukes. I’m not even sure how we came to be Facebook friends if I’m honest, perhaps through home educating. When Freddie died he was one of the people who checked up on me […]
- « Previous Page
- 1
- 2
- 3
- 4
- 5
- …
- 16
- Next Page »
