I think most people thought our family was complete. I think we thought so too, despite having very different feelings about that. Thats another story. But with our youngest approaching 5 years old, we decided that perhaps we would, after all, have just one more baby. Sometimes knowing that we argued about that, about that […]
When you can't make it better
The only way round it is to try and do something good instead. We’re going to be making Hinchingbrooke SCBU the good cause that Merrily Toys & Crafts Ltd supports. First on our list of things to try is a virtual free gift in the checkout area. Choose that instead of a free gift on […]
This is how life is now
Wake up unusually cheerful. Very nearly bound out of bed without normal wallowing. Go to help Maddy with her laptop and CBBC has ICU style beeping in the background. Do my best but inevitably end up back in my bed crying. Beeping and anti-bacterial hand wash are, annoyingly, my two SCBU triggers. Make it through […]
Say goodbye to the world you thought you lived in.
A couple of days ago i read something that put, very succinctly, the confusion i had been feeling about where we are at the moment into words that i think might make sense to other people. Until i read it, i didn’t quite understand the sense in me that i was living a bit of […]
In the hands of a bitter, bitter moon.
Dear Freddie, You should be 2 months old today. I can’t remember what a 2 month old is like – i was very much looking forward to reminding myself with you, finding out all over again about having a baby in the house. In a perfect world, the one i have to remind myself we […]
Frost and Earthquakes
7 weeks. Really? Only 7? I can hardly believe there was ever a part of our life that didn’t have Freddie as part of it. I was going to say in it, but that isn’t true. He’s not been in it for so much more time than he was. Already. That isn’t true either of […]
Words
Every picture tells a story? A picture paints a thousand words? Words don’t mean anything? The problem with reality, even in the finger tips of a five year old spelling out the names of her family members, is it doesn’t always equal actual fact. And which is fact, 6… or 7?
The sun always rises.
There is some form of normality around, although too much of it is over laid by things which just aren’t normal and right now, if i’m honest, don’t feel like they ever will be. Reading this post on glow this week pretty much summed it up. The ripples really are everywhere. (Breaks to watch Dr […]
Blue
It’s been a month. A month since I held our baby boy in my arms and watched him breathe slower and slower until he stopped. A month since I watched his little fingers turn the wrong colour, covered them with a blanket as if to stop him being cold and didn’t call for help. A […]
Boxes & Beginnings
Today has been a difficult day. Every day is difficult at the moment, mostly because of Freddie and then other stuff which is lying on top of that, or underneath, but which isn’t mine to blog about. I think it is fair to say that life feels a bit surreal at the moment. There is […]
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