Ben is 11 days old. He is older than his big brother. It just is not right for that to happen when he is just so small. He is so loved, so part of us and I cannot believe that 11 days after Freddie’s birth I was sat at home, with aching, empty arms and […]
Breastfeeding – 6 babies, six different experiences.
When I was pregnant this time, I said to someone in a fairly joking fashion that I had very few new experiences left; birth by a roadside, on my bathroom floor or by forceps being three of the only obstetric things left on my to (not) do list that I could think of. I also […]
Out with the old.
Blogging has been on the quiet side recently because I’ve been keeping very busy. A year of trying to keep busy, the endless run of taxi driving and then the worry and weariness of pregnancy has taken its toll on the house. Somehow the last couple of months of the year felt even busier than […]
Christmas to now.
I seem to have bloggers block, that and a frantic nesting and knitting and ipad-ing habit 🙂 We’ve been busy though, and mostly happy, though I am finding it harder and harder to maintain any sort of sanity in the face of impending birth of baby. Still, with a maximum of 5 weeks to go […]
A New Year.
The last two years I did a New Years Eve post, one full of hope and joy, one full of anger and despair. This year I didn’t think I would take the risk. In fact, looking back at the festive period this year, I think I got through it all by just deciding not to […]
A relationship with Oak
Of all my happiest memories, the garden of the house my grandparents lived in when I was growing up, is the place I remember with the most peace and joy. Oaklands. I spent weeks there, most often the only grandchild staying, caught up in a private, solitary world of my own imagination. I was the […]
That life that was mine.
Fran and Amelie start the proper run of the pantomime they’ve been rehearsing today; six weeks of Sunday mornings morph into a run of 16 performances. They’ve experienced a shouty director who expects them to behave like pros (despite not actually being paid!) and the shock of finding themselves cut out of a dance because […]
Unrecognisable to myself
I don’t know how old I was when I saw the film Philadelphia; I saw it at the cinema, with my friend who had a close family friend dying of AIDS at the time, contracted while working in Africa before anyone knew to be wary. We were teenagers. I don’t think I’ve seen the film […]
Edit: Erase: Airbrush
People don’t mean to be cruel. They don’t mean to hurt me, or us. What they want is to save us pain. It’s easy to be accidentally tactless of course, because what was like a barrel of boiled oil poured on ready flayed skin to me, is to every one else just ordinary every day […]
Empty Chairs at Empty Tables
There can be few images of loss in literature more potent than that of the empty stool shown to Scrooge in the Cratchit house after Tiny Tim has died. There are few images more powerful in a film than that of Dumbo’s mother as she is torn from her child and left without him. It’s […]
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