Blogging the inane. I’m doing that, because I don’t really have the spare energy to write the awful. How many times can you write “My son is dead”? How many times can I look at a post and think “I wrote about him,” “I didn’t write about him,” “I cried today,” “I didn’t cry today”. […]
Goodness
I’ve just realised that for the last two Fridays I haven’t counted how many weeks it is since Freddie was born. For at least the last Tuesday, I haven’t counted how many weeks it is since he died. I guess that is progress of sorts. I’m not going to count. I think 2nds and 13ths […]
Gone in a Flash
I took these photos on Max’s birthday. I just liked the discarded bit of paper and all the colours. Afterwards, when I saw the way the two had come out, I had a wry smile. Big Birth Wishes. Gone in a flash. I forgot to wish for a bring home baby. Must get round to […]
Counting Magpies
A very busy week. I’m hoping to persuade Max to blog Friday as a guesting blogger (he might) but I don’t think I’ll hang on for him so I’ll do a quick phot round up. After the busy weekend and then Monday doing art with le Ciel Rouge, we visited Stanwick Lakes on Tuesday with […]
Chased by Mr Barrie
I’ve always been taken by the story of Peter Pan, the little boy who never grew up. I fell for it completely in my last few weeks of school when, tail-gated by the recent death of a friend, my 6th form friends and I worked on and performed the musical as our leaving finale. I […]
Duck Pond
I am ice. That is what I am. That is all there is. The thinnest, clearest, most fragile piece of ice on a pond at the start of a winter that will be long, cold and dark. The spring is so very far away. There are four little ducks walking on that sheet of ice, […]
Co-dependance Day
Today is mine and Max’s anniversary; we’ve been married 12 years. Twelve years ago today, about now, we were enjoying our reception, in the garden of my parents house, thinking wed done an okay job of what we hoped would be the biggest event of our life, the birth of our first child and seeing […]
The tiring and the downright bad.
The worst thing about this is how it turns you into a downright bitch. Oh, i know it. I don’t know if there is any way round the raging bitterness that leaks out into the most ordinary of moments. The happy moments. Unexpected announcements. Hate them. Photo contests. Hate them. Talking about how long it […]
Answers that make more questions
I’m not doing so well. I wish i was the kind of person who could switch off, accept things as they are, not question, not query, not wonder. I suppose i’ve headed on past shock and denial stages of grief (though shock seems particularly capable of re-emerging, i spent most of the last two days […]
Sometimes you just know
I think most people thought our family was complete. I think we thought so too, despite having very different feelings about that. Thats another story. But with our youngest approaching 5 years old, we decided that perhaps we would, after all, have just one more baby. Sometimes knowing that we argued about that, about that […]
