Recently, Jax wrote about her mojo being AWOL. We’ve had some similarities in our life over the last few years, Jax and I – a significant loss(es) each, a long period of trying to be pregnant, juggling work and home educating. And I certainly know what she means about mojo upping and leaving (I hope […]
Poking a toe at off grid – buying better
We want to shop better. We want to do our grocery buying better. As a family, we’ve been thinking about who we spend our money with and where and we’ve come to the conclusion that it is time, especially now that as a family we HAVE a little more time, to shop in a more […]
Graduation
I graduated from counselling today. It was my last session, my final chance to talk about all those thoughts and feelings that surround Freddie, his fleeting life and the drift of flotsam that has been left in his wake. The last time I can ponder and talk and rage and cry to someone without wondering […]
Inspiration for Aspirations
A while back I read something about it being unkind to give a child unrealistic expectations. It was just a thought, one I was not privy to the background of, but I’ve thought and thought and pondered and pondered about it. I’ve wondered if it’s true? I’ve wondered if it is right? I’ve wondered how […]
Fotheringhay
Fotheringhay has such history. Births of princes and kings, sanctuary for a Queen fearing the country was turning against her, a home, the rally and meeting point for a family in a country torn apart by war, the prison where a Queen was held and ultimately beheaded. It probably has one of the most oddly […]
Age Shall Not Weary Them
Remembrance Day is always important. It is always a good thing to stand and think of the people who are not here and good to think of what we have because of them. The world is full of remembered heroes and unsung heroes and people who have laid down their life for one person or […]
Telepathy & Pixies
Dear Freddie, Seven months. More than half a year. Most of the time I was pregnant with you. Seven long and lonely months learning to live with the feeling of you not in my arms. I’ve spent so much of this month thinking of the link you and I shared and of all the times […]
Wishing for nothing
A few days I caught myself imagining being given £1million a month for life. I realised, with horror really, that it couldn’t make me happier than I am. This is not a bad thing, because aside from tragedy, I think I actually am happy. Roughly £2K a month might take the pressure off financially, but […]
Day of Reckoning
I sincerely hope, when the day comes when someone asks my daughters what they most remember about me, they will remember the mummy who made cloaks for them more than they remember the ‘in a minute’ mummy who was often working and often crying. So this was my creativity today; not only making two cloaks […]
Largely wordless
In common with many of those in my dead baby mama community, a community I value but so wish I were not part of, I find myself largely wordless this month. I wonder if October just does that; the cold, the sense of death, the bleakness. Any hope of life being sustained, of a miracle […]
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