I’ve been avoiding writing this and it has taken me a while to work out why but I have now. The biggest reason is that I feel guilty that we had a nice Christmas Day. When I think back to the last 3, suffused with guilt and grief in equal measure and topped and tailed with tears, it’s hard to say out loud that this year I let myself be carried along with happy and the sparkle and I pushed Freddie to the side of my mind for the day. I don’t feel good about that but, well, we do what we do. It’s part of living with it.
Another reason is time; it has been mental. We’ve not had a relaxed Xmas holiday, we’ve been as busy as can be. So blog posts and memory making have both been rather stop and start and short and sweet. Lots of s words 😉
But the real reason, if I’m honest, is feeling the pressure of the tyranny of the right on thrifty Christmas post. Lots of posts and statements and comments and pictures that have made me feel guilty because I’m not thrifty, or frugal or minimalist about Christmas. It’s a long standing joke that every year I say I will be and every year I fail. I always know I will, everyone knows I will, it’s funny. And I don’t mind that – I LIKE that. But this year I felt under pressure from lots of “less gifts is more love” type of posting – it made me feel bad. Because frankly, for Xmas morning, our house looked like this.
Presents from friends, the kids to us and each other and some family.
And also this.
Now, I don’t know. There are 7 of us. Max and I buy ourselves our gifts and we get the kids to wrap slippers, wool for our next project, a dvd we wanted, new shoes we needed anyway – that sort of stuff. The girls spend £5 tops, of their own money mostly, on each other. Bene had all his presents bar a couple (Lego and pjs and a couple of tinies) from our shop. We get cheques from family and put that towards the gifts. We save up winter clothing allowances and half the kids parcels are clothes, tights, dance stuff to wear in lessons. This year lots of the gifts came from reviews I did of shopping sites. That pile represents a year of saving money, putting things aside and not a scrap of debt. But it represents an awful lot more than that.
To me, Xmas morning is magic, traditions, a whirlwind of excitement I wanted them to feel for as long as possible and carry with them. What gives me pleasure is thinking really hard about what thing will make their tummy lurch with joy and give them pleasure. I don’t weigh up budgets carefully because not each child needs equal spending to produce that effect. This year was Josie’s turn for the big gift, an iPod to share with Amelie and which will give her years of story listening pleasure. I don’t think Maddy loved her £35 ukelele any less and and Amelie is thrilled with a phone in the same way Fran had a last gasp moment of childish joy over a beautiful doll. I don’t love them less because actually I go a bit overboard; hair clips wrapped up in a silly present to unwrap are just part of the daftness but I get such joy from thinking hard about what each child will love. It’s not lavishing them with financial spend so I don’t have to think or care about them.
Our Xmas morning always starts the same, stockings on our bed, all together and then a family breakfast with gifts from the big man, normally designed to promote family time.
And then upstairs. I snapped this photo, trying not to see that space opening up on the sofa (I’ve been reading the Terry Pratchett Death books lately and the space that opens up around him and Susan… it makes me wonder…)
Oh the joy. A beautiful Girl for All Time doll for a girl who is almost big but wanted absolutely nothing else. Oh for the days when all she needed was a few more Tudor facts.
And a pretty ukelele for Maddy. She’s just beginning to get the hang of it – she makes me smile so much.
Most of Maddy’s other gifts were extremely annoying puzzles like this one…
And Rubiks cubes of various sorts. My idea of hell!
Until Bene got the hang of present opening (which didn’t take long) we really enjoyed a slow unwrapping and looking at each others gifts. And then… he got the hang of the fact that his ones had car stickers on!
All hell broke loose! Eventually we had to hide all wrapped presents so he could enjoy what he had got 😆
We had to get some train set out to make full use of his new roadway 🙂
While Fran gloried in a new hair clip, Amelie read Percy Jackson books and Maddy twiddled with puzzles. Josie had some Rubens Barn dolls to dress up and make beautiful.
As well as loving some new shirts that make her feel like she looks like her bestest friend in the whole world.
Amelie got a new phone as her proper gift; she seemed to love some skirts, a colouring set and her books just as much though.
My gift was a gorgeous blue bear. He needs a post of his own.
And when it was all over… there was sleeping to do – before a family tea (pork in the slow cooker!) and a family film, more train tracks and a satisfied snuggle up together. We even fitted in time for a boardgame which Fran and Maddy had thoughtfully bought me.
It made me laugh very much – while we played Discworld (a game that comes from a book), Josie built Minecraft Lego – a toy that comes from a virtual building blocks game. The world is upside down.
And that was our Xmas; not minimalist, not frugal (well, still probably better than I normally do!) but full of thought and joy and love and giving from all quarters (eighths?) of the family and play and togetherness and memories. And that’s how I like it. I hope they will always remember it.
There is nothing wrong with having lots of presents and doing Christmas the way that suits your family best. I was going to be very minimal this year because the budget was much tighter but still managed to buy more than I planned. Our gifts were still more than doubled by friends and relatives! For me, Christmas is all about children and giving. And after Christmas is all about trying to find homes for everything 😉
I see that space in so many of your pictures too. He’s always there xx
I think the point of being frugal is being thoughtful. And *usually* when a person is in a pattern of giving lots and lots of gifts, really thinking about them and the person who they are for can reduce the amount. However, I think as long as you are mindful, it can totally go the other way, just as you demonstrated 🙂 I have a nearly 4 year old boy and he’s currently on one gift per holiday system. Mostly because it lets him concentrate on really getting into and enjoying what he got. I can see how it will change with age though and as an adult I totally get an appeal of a pile of stuff to unwrap. My husband wraps things for me individually and sometimes makes a treasure hunt for me 🙂 It’s fun 🙂
I’m with you! We had a more frugal xmyth than usual but it still wasn’t exactly frugal really. I love searching for just the right presents for people, especially the girls, and don’t see why I should feel guilty about buying them a lot. Like you, a lot of what I buy are practical items that they will use throughout the year (toiletries, underwear, tights etc), although they usually go in to their stockings. I say stockings, but they are nearer the size of pillowcases 😉 Then it’s downstairs to masses of presents under the tree. Doing it big isn’t something we should feel guilty about, it’s a personal preference.
“That pile represents a year of saving money, putting things aside and not a scrap of debt” – sounds like the essence of frugality to me. I write a frugal blog because that is how we live and it is all I know…..don’t beat yourself up for living your one life the way you want to live it. We all make choices and get things thrust upon us too, and picking our way through it all is just the best we can do.
I always fail to be frugal. We had less money than ever before this year so they had a bit less, but still when I gathered everything together it seemed a lot. And I see the space in your pictures often too. I don’t usually comment on it unless you do, but I see it xxx
I remember reading a post on (I think) Miss Thrifty’s blog when a reader had given her a hard time about buying some expensive luxury or other. And she responded perfectly by saying, “Well, the reason I am thrifty is so I have the money to indulge in things I really, really love,without going into debt.” And that felt perfect to me.
So if you are thrifty in the run-up to Christmas so you can afford to indulge in perfectly picked presents that will make your family smile and feel loved, I’m not sure where the harm is. I spend unashamedly on travel because that’s what I love. Oh, and a semi-automatic Nerf gun for Christmas. For Flea, obviously. *cough*
sounds like a lovely christmas with some perfect presents. You are worth a lovely christmas merry x x x
I love presents. I love giving and receiving them. This year I wrapped a few special food items from the pantry because it was *one* more thing Bennett could open and enjoy. I’m glad you had a beautiful Christmas (and I’m sorry this comment is so late!) Your children will treasure these memories.
Do Christmas the way you want and quit reading the “be frugal” blogs! Those frugal/save money blogs are there for people who are looking for ideas on how to cut down on spending – they aren’t meant to judge or shame you. Christmas is the celebration of Jesus’ birth, but if you want to do up Christmas in a grand fashion, more power to you! I am very generous with my family on Christmas (but all during the year as well) and I listen to them and try to buy gifts they truly would love, so no money spent is a waste, in my opinion.