The following post is a hosted sponsored guest post and I have received payment for it’s placement. A long time ago, I was once in the position of knowing I could not afford to leave if I couldn’t resolve a relationship crisis and so this topic is close enough to my heart for me to think it has a place on my blog. I’d normally have written it myself, but as I explained, times are tight and so is time this week!
The recent increase in numbers of couples choosing to cohabit rather than marry has led to issues when the relationship breaks down. Research has shown that this kind of split among couples who have spent some years together may, in some ways, be even more overwhelming or more stressful than a divorce. Kristen Wynns, a psychologist in private practice in Cary, N.C. says that essentially “It’s not just as easy as walking away. What if both have their names on the deed to the house? It’s not as simple as walk away and start a new relationship.” So how do you deal effectively with this kind of break up?
Needing Closure
Many couples living together but not married will not feel the kind of closure that divorced couples get once the relationship is over and dealt with legally. Although the process may be lengthy, divorce does bring with it a definitive end, with a splitting of assets too. For cohabiting couples there may not be this kind of solidified ending which can make it more difficult to accept or move on.
Back Up Agreements
Cohabiting couples should always draw up agreements to make the split easier, and ideally draw these up at the start when first choosing to live together. Linda Lea Viken, of Rapid City, S.D., resident of the matrimonial lawyer’s group says that couples “Basically don’t have a protection under law, so the only protection they have is under contract for division of finances and property.” Making these agreements won’t make the emotions any less real or any less painful, but it may take the edge off having to go through lengthy arguments and debates over who owns what.
Friends and Family
People might think about financial aspects of breaking up first, but what about the division of friends and family? Many couples find this the hardest because although not married they still have close relationships with family members and bonds with friends and it isn’t always as easy to separate and remain close. If you talk the break up through with close members of family and friends then they should be able to comprehend how difficult this will be for you despite not formally marrying.
Stuck Together
Many couples may find that they can’t afford to move out if they split, recent surveys have found. Nearly a quarter of people have continued to live with a partner, or know someone who has, because they couldn’t afford to live apart, according to a 2010 report from Shelter. This is terribly problematic for some couples, so keeping friends close and family members to help out for a while whilst you get back on your feet might be a good option. Living together after a split can be painful and will make it more difficult to move on.
It’s never easy to break up, and can be more difficult without legal obligations to help when cohabiting couples break up. Keeping friends and family close for support is always preferential to leaning on a former partner, but understandably this can make relationships strained. Counselling may provide some respite but it’s important to get to grips with what you will be dealing with before starting to make any decisions.
