The boy beautiful.

I wish I had learned earlier to just sit on the floor and watch. To just hand bricks over, to just see the learning happen, to cuddle and tickle and never be in a hurry to do more stuff. I wish I had learned how boring a yahoo group, a computer screen, checking for sales, instant messaging was compared to watching a person become.

I did learn, I know. I also know that back then it was harder; tired, overwhelmed, younger, less patient, too easily bored. It's easy to be critical of myself now.

But there is just sheer joy in this.

I handed blocks over, posted blocks, counted blocks. And I watched his face, that clever, inquisitive, enquiring face. And I wondered what I missed with the girls, because I was too busy to just sit.

I think he will be an engineer.

It's funny that he looks like hardly any of his sisters at all and certainly not like his brother. But he has fran's charming outgoing personality and a desire to never stop moving. He has maddy's inventive and curious mind and her ear for music. He has Amelie's cheek and sauce, gods help us. And Josie's patient love and her ability to play alone.

I wish I knew what he had of Freddie.

He's all about firing synapses this week. That series of photos with the posting box was something new, a patient approach to a toy, looking to work it out. He has stood unaided, balanced and cautious and loves to run around the room with his sisters holding his hands. He took a step from standing to the sofa and he prefer to be upright to crawling now. He can climb like a devil, throw like a hooligan (pasta, accurately, at Fran across the table last night) and he knows he can smirk and we will laugh. He shouts, he bashes, he legs it to any open door but most of all, he loves. He is just the most loving, open, adoring child.

He knows where his toys are and will get them out, tries to pull back any car to see if it will go. Today I sat and watched fantasia with him and he was riveted by some bits. The firebird suite was his real favourite and he sung his favourite noise ( da da daaaaaa!) along to the beat. I love that. We play games when he feeds where I make sound patterns and he copies, just like Josie did.

I am a very lucky, unlucky person.

For all the cost, and there was far too much cost, I am so glad I have experienced being an 'older mother'. It is a different thing. And it is good.