November you can kiss my….

It seems November is determined to compete with April for crapola. It's been a really tough month. For the sake of argument we will include here the last two events of October. First there was my cork plugging op, which sadly did not go entirely as planned or hoped. To the best of my knowledge the procedure worked, but it was neither as stress free or as sensitively handled as I had hoped and left me a little emotionally battered. I'm okay but one of the saddest things for me was realising after a couple of days, once I had processed it, that I'm so battle bruised these days that it takes quite a lot to distress me too long.

Then Max had his his eye op. Now, this was in itself great and we are so pleased with the result, but it was certainly stressful. I was so worried it would go wrong and found worrying about Max and wanting to protect and care for him afterwards, really triggery. I have no idea how he made it through me having six babies :/

3 nights into him recovering, I had a late night call to say someone in my extended family was seriously ill and might not make it through surgery. It's someone I'm extremely close to, probably the adult who influenced me most as a child and it meant a late night dash to a hospital and a worrying few hours. Thankfully, amazingly, she's fine.

We were just breathing from that, when Bene got ill. First of all he woke up screaming in the night and when we finally decided to wake him properly and change him and try to make him comfy, we discovered he had an enormously swollen foreskin. I lost it completely, which is totally unlike me in dramatic situations as I normally rise to the moment and wail afterwards. I find the unknown really frightening now, it keys into a part of me from the scbu days that I simply can't shake. Since he was clearly in extreme pain and neither of us knew what it was, we had a 3am out of hours doctor trip and balanitis was diagnosed. Poor boy had a swelling the size of a malteser on the end of his willy 🙁 we think perhaps he transferred a little behind the ear infection down there, his ear and his willy being the so things he fiddles with the most! An anti fungal cream didn't work on either but eventually an anti bacterial did.

Just as he was getting through that he came down with a going cold and cough none of us got. Luckily it was mostly snot but I was fretting about it when no one else had it, as I suspect it might have been rsv. Still, if it was, he got through it.

To top the month off, 2 days ago I looked at Maddy and thought her throat looked swollen. She has an enlarged thyroid and I'm desperately hoping its just a puberty triggered thing and not anything else. It's linking up in my head with other concerns I have always had about her and I am worrying. It's hard when the child is old enough to also have questions. I don't want to make her worry, when it is probably no biggy. Blood test results tomorrow and we will see :/

So frankly November…. Begone. Let's have a pretty picture instead.