When programmes celebrating the past decades come up on television, the things that make me ooh and aah are often the brand names on the shop shelves of bygone shops; products in packaging once so familiar, which reprise in more modern form in our cupboards now. Custard powder packets, golden syrup, soaps and cleaning products, foods and more. We talk about brand awareness now like it is a new and clever thing but we all have allegiances and alliances with products from our childhood. I have cooking ingredients I would always pick up for preference from things I saw in my Nana's house, reinforced in our own cupboards or bathroom sink side by purchasing done by my parents. I thought today when Max brought home one brand of temporarily required disposable nappies that we are 'not a x brand family' and wondered why he had chosen that over the other brand. (It will have been cost; he cannot be influenced by anything other than an offer!)
My great brand loyalty though, the one I know was never really in question, comes down to a pretty personal product. All through my childhood, the bathroom shelf held a packet of Lil-lets tampons. My mum used that brand and when the time came, provided me with them too. I used them from the very second time I needed them and never really even considered alternatives. What my mum used, I used and I simply assumed they were the best and the default. In fact, I have a slightly bizarre conflation in my head between the other brand and the USA and all pad brands meaning I have to roller skate. Such is the power of image and advertising; for me, I simply settled with the notion that Lil-Let's were the default British best and that was that.
Obviously my brushes with home educating crunchy types means I've flirted with all other sorts of San-pro since, with rather limited success. Nothing makes moon cup use less appealing than a complicated conversation about it with 3 wide eyed toddlers who you had to take into the public toilet cubicle with you 😆 I did try, but I think in this, I am my mother's 'not as crunchy as I could be' daughter.
With four daughters in the house, who may only forgive me for this post because they got sent lovely nail varnish so I would write it, the sanitary protection question is going to come up a lot. Glancing over specifics, I only just got my head around the fact that I no longer had babies in the house just in time. We stocked up a little bag full of all styles and types (I read a magazine article of ceremonies to celebrate the menarche with your daughters and decided they would have me put to death if I even tried it) and dealt with it all in practical and prosaic fashion. I was determined all conversations would be open, I'd be there in unembarrassed fashion for help, support and commiserations. Little bag was stacked with every brand, type and style I could think of…. And she chose the same brand that my mum and I had used before her, though in different form. I think I might need to get out more but this pleases me 😉 There's a continuity.
I was intensely anxious as a teen about my period, morbidly afraid someone would know, that my dad would find out, that my younger sister would ask me, that something would leak or betray me. I was beset by stress every month with it. I so wanted to make sure my girls had less of that and so periods and puberty have always been openly discussed here. One thing I tried to encourage from the outset was openness and avoiding embarrassment. I could never have asked my dad to get me my supplies and I tried to make sure the girls really 'got' that Max understands periods and is not phased by them, that they can tell him, ask for him to buy their provisions, or demand chocolate, in whatever order. (It amuses me that this does happen; he never questions a chocolate request 😉 ) We made sure there were books available, that questions were always answered from the very littlest age and the knock on effect is that now all of them are very comfortable with discussing and expecting this stage in their life.
It felt like a big deal, ushering the first teen into the family and I remember thinking a long time ago I'd have to do it four times. Turns out I don't really, the hive mind is at work 😆 It's all been a good deal less stressful so far than I imagined. In fact, if it wasn't for them messing with my cycle and sending me into panics every month, I'd say it had been a piece of cake. 😆 I think I pulled off cool mum without becoming crushingly embarrassing hippy crunchy talk about periods and feelings mum. (Someone tell me I did?)
Lil-Let's have brought out a new teen pack full of samples to help girls find what suits them and added a teen area to their website full of extra, useful information. We discovered their new pads a while ago and really like them, far more comfy, discreet and convenient than anything else we'd found before.
Since you probably don't want a picture of a pack of pads or a roller skating girl, I'll leave you with the sparkly nails we put on Fran this week. We discovered nail caviar, thanks to the lovely goody bag they sent us in exchange for this post… Unfortunately, we also discovered a new brand of chocolate 🙂
So tell me, did your mum get this bit all right, all wrong and did you do any better? Do you wish those conversations and moments had happened differently? Is having another fully functioning woman in the house better or worse than you expected? And would your daughters kill you if you wrote a blog post about periods? (I did ask mine first!)
PS I'm done now, Max gets to do the awkward conversations with Bene. And the standing up weeing stuff.
PPS I'm so not done, am I? This was the easy bit.
Going to need more chocolate.
Well, since you ask for the replies, here goes …
I’m one of two kids, with a brother three years older than me. I was always tall for my age and my mum worried I’d “start” early, so when I was under 10 (I know cos I remember the scene and I know we were still in the house we left when I was ten), she sat me down and gave me the sort of biology lesson you’d expect from a secondary school teacher – OK, she was a sports teacher, but she did first year med as part of it, and it was a “lesson” – it was right for us. She drew diagrams and explained the functions and everything. I never had an “curiosity” as a teen cos I felt I understood it all. I didn’t “start” early – I was 13 in fact, and on the train, fortunately with my mum, when it happened! We coped.
I was at boarding school that year – I was kind of “one my own” – I didn’t have the sort of relationship with my dorm mates to get personal. We had a suitably stocked school shop and I bought a little box of …. Lillets! The little no-applicator ones. I tried every month, discretely and alone – but had to use pads for quite some time! They weren’t very nice and I do have one or two not so nice memories of my pad days! When I finally got going with tampons, I used “the other brand” …. same as my mum!
I discovered Mooncups when Nappy Lady-ing, being immersed in the whole eco world! I SO wish I had known about them earlier, but I don’t think my mum had ever heard of them, even if they existed then! They work so much better for my needs, and I MUCH prefer the eco and financial benefits! I don’t use it at the mo, as I made the mistake of switching to a Mirena coil and my needs are next to nothing these days, but I’ll be switching back and will return to my Mooncup! I use washable pads from time to time too, but also own-brand panty liners sometimes.
I haven’t had this sort of discussion with my only daughter, just turned 7 – I don’t think it’ll be hard though, when the time comes, as despite my discretion, we’re not a door locking (or usually even closing!) family – she once saw my Mooncup and just said “that’s for when you’ve got blood” – errrr, that’s one way of putting it LOL!
Our three boys don’t quite have these concerns of course, though I hope they turn out to be as accepting as their dad – he might not be a pro in purchasing, etc. but he is not prudish about it all.
The good thing about having had 2 babies since all my girls were old enough to comprehend the mechanics is they have no inhibitions. Not only do the clearly know we still have sex, they know all about blood and, as Josie calls them ‘mummy nappies’.
I remember realising that my single-digit-aged daughters probably didn’t actually know about disposable sanpro!
These days … well, watching ER one evening, one character (in a toilet cubicle) asked another to get her a tampon. Dd3 (9 or 10) asked what a tampon is (she knew the concept, but not the word). Dd1 (15) went to get one (the other brand, lol – I always used Lil-lets, probably because my mum used the other ones – no, I preferred non-applicator) and gave it to dd3, who opened it, had a good look, and then asked what it was actually for? Dd2 said, “well, you know about periods?” at which the penny dropped, and dd3 threw it away screaming. Dd1 told her not to be silly, “it hasn’t been in anyone’s vagina!”
Ds (the only one) kept his eyes firmly glued to his DS throughout 🙂
Rofl at dd3 and ds 🙂
applicator always seems bizarrely prudish and faffy to me; maybe that’s where I associate it with America?
I was a lil-lets woman, for exactly the same reason that my mum used them, so I just assumed they were what to use – and in fact at 11 spent hours in the bathroom trying to insert ones stolen from my mums box. My mum had mysteriously informed me I could use the lil- let’s once I was married, but I couldn’t believe that until then I was really going to have to use a belt round my waist attached back and front to a hammock between my legs. I was beside myself with excitement when in 1972 Kotex brought out a pad with a tail at the front which you buckled onto a plastic buckle in the (special nylon revolting) pants you also had to buy. I remember my mum refusing to buy them cos of cost, so I bought hem myself off my newsagents job. But I still persisted with those lil-let’s, and didn’t after all have to wait till I was married! I would never have asked my dad to get anything or me, and it makes me smile to hear DD just giving DH his orders ‘are you going into town? can you pop into Boots, I need this kind, not the scented ones, they are revolting, makes sure you get the ones with the wings and can you get me some xxx(the other brand, shock horror) at the same time.’ I’ve terrorised the poor girl so much about TSS that she uses pads overnight, but I still feel surprised when I open the bathroom cupboard and see the other brand of tampon. It’s really not who we are :).
This comment has made me feel a) young 😉 and b) like you grew up in a Judy Blume novel 🙂
Is it like being a Lego or playmobil family, do you think? 😉
Or Magpie or Blue Peter
Actually – see the Judy Blume image on her Wikipedia page. That could BE my mother. The likeness is quite scary.
My mum never told me anything about anything, but I must have heard of periods as I knew what it was when they began. We were on our first oversea’s family holiday and I had been quite poorly with stomach ache for the last 3 days, everyone thought I might have food poisoning. On the last day we were sat around the pool having a drink while waiting for our airport coach when I went to the toilet and noticed blood in my knickers. I went back to the pool where the whole extended family was, trying to get my mum’s attention without anyone noticing was very difficult, but I managed it in the end. She just stood up and marched me off to our room where she ranted on about having to unpack suitcases to find me some clean underwear when we should be leaving any minute and thrust a sanitry pad into my hand, to which I said ‘what do I do with it?’ and she replied ‘just stick it in you knickers’. I went into the bathroom and figured it out for myself as best as I could (I was 11). To top it all off, when we came down from the room, we bumped into one of the Chuckle brothers who was on holiday with his family and I was made to stand a pose for a photo with him.
My DD, who is almost 7, has asked questions and has been in toilet cubicles with me and knows everything. She knows that when the time comes, I will be there to support her.
What is a ‘crunchy’ mummy? I’m confused.
I did all the discussion when the girls were younger and it was far easier to discuss all this stuff. Never really had periods myself since the coil has ended them for me … i did once think that perhaps I’d take the coil out in order to demonstrate but decided that was going a bit far!
Now that they are actually teenagers they seem to find it quite embarrassing, though I do still throw out an occasional ‘oh, you know I was just thinking that it’s been a few weeks since your last period so you’d better pack appropriately when you go away to Germany (or wherever)’, just to keep them on their toes. I think that despite their reticence to talk about it, they know they could if they needed to …
One of my daughters uses washables because they are more comfy. Disaster struck the one time she actually had to use a tampon due to a water-related activity, you’d have thought the world was about to end, the amount of fuss she made.
The other one has yet to need to test anything 😉
My DS also buries his head in his ipod/homework/anything he can find to hide behind when such discussions ensue 😉
hmm, and there i thought there would be a giveaway! none of us needing anything currently [hooray for MIRENA] but thinking should prepare!
My mum got it right. Told me about periods when I was about 11 (guess she thought I might need to know quite soon), but I actually didn’t start until I was 13. Told me about using Lillets and how she started using them. It was just me and her in the house, so we shared a box, but I couldn’t get going with them for a couple of years (eventually succeeding with a bit of added vaseline!). I always used them until baby #7, after which even the jumbo ones just wouldn’t stay in (sorry to be grim). In desperation I started searching for something else (I hate pads with a passion) and fell upon the Mooncup. It’s awesome and perfect for me. I haven’t really chatted to daughter #1 about tampons because to be frank, I don’t want to encourage her to use them and at only 11 I don’t think she’d be able anyway for a couple of years yet, by which time I hope she might be OK with mooncupping too. She’s knows about mine, but is happy with pads atm (which are excellent these days). She tried teen pads, but prefers grown-up ones. She leaves her Dad little notes for supplies, because she knows he’s OK with it, but she is a bit embarrassed ~ rather sweet! Daughter #2 knows about periods but is a long way off yet I think and daughter #3 (9) has no clear idea about them yet (I don’t think), but probably does have a vague one ~ she’s seen a baby born and has a hormonal big sister!! I do make a point of making sure my girls are ready by the time they need to be ~ and that my boys are aware of their sisters needs/emotions 😉