Sometimes being a home educator is completely brilliant. Sometimes is just one extra thing to beat myself with.
Right now baby Ben is asleep in bed, which is a good thing as last night I somehow put my back out and, despite costly trip to the osteopath this morning, I can barely move at all.
Maddy is sat behind me doing cubed and squared numbers in a maths book she likes. Josie, who has worked on spelling, reading, fractions, music and french all on her own this morning, is curled up with a DS game reading enough of it to get by. Not bad, given she’s pretty much been self taught there.
Amelie has done spelling, geography (pronounced pants and she’s right, so she’s moving on to the next section), music and reading and is reading for England.
In the last couple of weeks Fran added Lord of the Flies to her list of challenging classics to read and got through it. She’d been reading The Hunger Games too and said that while her friends had found the middle one boring, she felt that lord of the Flies and Animal Farm had really opened her eyes to the political side of the books and encouraged her to look more deeply at them. (Check!)
Maddy is reading her way through the Lemony Snicket books (now on book 11) and has read two of The Hunger Games. Amelie has finally found the ability to get through a book thanks to the Wimpy Kid. Josie is reading her way through Reading Eggs. Fran came home from school having got an A in a GCSE progress mock.
And I’m feeling a bit of a failure at the whole thing. More and more I see the buzz Fran is getting at school and how tired and weary of home educating life I am now and I think they’d all be better off getting an acceptable education elsewhere and leaving me free to just be a reasonably fun mum instead. I think perhaps they are beginning to feel the same too. If I’m really brutally honest, I’m only doing an adequate job and its not what I wanted.
That isn’t the same as them not getting more than an adequate education – they read, write, sew, make, create, learn ,do, find out. They are equipping themselves with all the skills they need and I wanted for them. They love learning. But I just don’t know if it makes me feel good enough.
And then I look back through my photos of the last couple of weeks when it has been cold and wet and we couldn’t go out and wonder if, on top of ordinary every day work, it is enough to just be living life without a constant stream of days out, museums, lectures and excitement?
Amelie cooked quiche Lorraine on her own.
We had fun yesterday with a microscope, looking at slides and light apertures and trying to see how the mirrors and lenses worked and seeing how best to focus it and observe different things under it.
Maddy turned a cross stitch pattern into a Hama Bead Hufflepuff crest. Josie and Amelie made the cakes on their own. Josie knows the alphabet and was readying what was on the backs of the cards. And we spent ages, apropos of nothing much, discussing PR and advertising thanks to a parcel that came through the post of Soreen. God I love that stuff. Yum (And yes, it was sent for free and yes, I love it really and used to eat it as a huge treat at my Nana’s and it spells and smells of childhood to me).
This week’s Lego challenge is ‘something in the street’. We had recycling bins and lamp posts 🙄 Maddy loves micro models though and I loved her bridge.
Ben is still growing.
He quite likes Super Smash Bros.
I dunno. Is it enough? The summer is coming, we can probably do better now (assuming my back fixes). I just wanted more for them.
Right now, I’d like a little peace in my head for me.
I think I’d feel I had let the side down.
But I mind about letting them down more. Fran has had a world open at her feet. She spent all last night telling me about atoms. She never liked atoms when I taught her. I’m worried I’ve ended up giving them one freedom but limiting them some other way.
I think maybe it’s time.
Home ed can be brilliant. But we’ve had a rough 6 years.
I’m not sure it’s brilliant here any more. I’m not sure adequate is good enough.
If you’re only adequate, then I have huge problems! Having a wobbly day here too. Only thing is mine are adamant they don’t want to go to school. Least yours seem to get on with it. Most of mine procrastinate and don’t do by themselves. What you achieve in a month we seem to manage in a year.
You are doing/have done a fantastic job!
I really DON’T think that’s true 🙂
Can you hand over HE mainly to Max…is that an option? It’s what we did here when I reached the “blah with it” stage.
The thing is…..(or was in our house)….that we pitched HE to the kids as their choice (an so it was)….but that meant we couldn’t justifiably or reasonably “send them to school” because it would have been denying them something we had given them as a right to choose over. We had to wait until each child decided on their own that school was what they now wanted. They were different schools for a couple of years, and there was a gap of almost a year between each of them going.
By and large you ARE giving the children what you wanted to give them – the skills and desire to learn. That is almost self-sulfilling in its ability to make you largely redundant.
Is it enough? Well, it’s enough for the children. Whether it’s enough for you I can’t say….but that doesn’t necessarily have a lot to do with home-ed. :o) <3
Along with the cooking, shopping, driving everyone everywhere and running the business? Hmmm… I don’t think so really 😉
My smilies went wrong!!! for 😮 read 🙂
I look at what you achieve and wish we could do the same! C has one huge criticism of me – she would like me to be more crafty. Or at least a little teensy bit interested in doing crafts. I just don’t have it in me to do the homespun things she’d love to do so feel an abject failure everyday :-(. Going to go off now and beat myself up some more about considerable parent failings :-(.
But you do all the days out. C isn’t stuck at home with a half broken mummy :/ Maybe you should go back to coming here for crafts and I’ll send mine out on days out with you 🙂
But you do normals Every Day. We don’t. So not only does C want to do more in depth craft type activities, she is probably also behind in all sorts of important areas I can’t be bothered to find out about because they don’t interest me. Seriously, don’t compare yourself as it will never end up as you thinking you do better, you’ll only think you are offering something second rate. I couldn’t even contemplate sending C to J’s excellent school that if we lived in that town we probably would have gone for. I refused before I let her look at the website as the commute was something I decided was good for neither of us. Is that a bad thing? Maybe. Possibly. Am I damaging her future? Maybe. Possibly. Would sending her to our local school be better? Maybe. Possibly Not. Do I feel sick about the future. Yes.
They could do normals at school. I don’t think they will remember that as particularly great :/ I think C will do just fine btw.
The issue is that I’m not sure just fine is good enough. I know she’ll do just fine.
Anyway, you can look at and apply for schools now for September and you and they know the place doesn’t have to be taken up, or can be taken up and then choose to be HE again, as Fran did before. Then at least you know you’ve got options. It also gives you time to get well and everything seems better after some sunshine (which surely should be back soon?).
One thing about home schooling is that if you are sick or have put your back out and are feeling bleugh, there’s no one to cover for you so you feel guilty. On the other hand, when you are up and running your children have a teacher:pupil ratio of 1:3.
I think it’s great that you are open to considering school if it turns out to be the best thing for some or all of your children as opposed to HE being a strict principle regardless of what the children want/need. With your outlook I have no doubt that you’ll do whatever is best for all of you – only don’t make any big decisions whilst you are feeling under the weather.
It’s just been a long, long time of ‘it’ll be better soon’ I think. Dead babies, business, mummy breakdowns, pregnancy, tonsilitis…. I dunno. I wanted to just have a good stretch of it being great like when I had energy and enthusiasm for it.
What do they want, do you think? Having a sister who’s enjoying school means they know it’s an option. Have they shown any interest in going?
Maddy is ready for school and we are applying for a place for her. But we are picky so when and if one will come up I don’t know. Amelie will possibly be pushed into trying it for yr 7 as I think she needs to be focused a bit more. Josie I could happily keep home for a little bit longer I think. I like home ed at senior level, it’s easier in some ways, but I’ve just reached burn out point I think.
Whatever you decide to do I don’t think you need to worry about letting any side down. x
Well as someone who is just about to embark on home educating her children I just feel excited when I read everything your family achieved today in what you feel was an “off” day.
I think the point is that Fran is flourishing in school now because of the amazing foundation for learning you have given her.
You sound exhausted though. Sounds like you could do with a break just to enjoy this new baby time…. Why not just take a break? One of the benefits already sold to me about home ed is that you don’t have to follow school holidays. Maybe take a break and reassess in a month? I know Fran is at school, but it seems she is moving along happily, and the rest if you could just take a bit of time out. Then in a month see how you all feel and make decisions.
I think the problem is that I feel we’ve been doing that for a bit too long now really.
For what it’s worth your off days sound like wonderful, education-filled adventures.
If nothing else then try to remember that a mum of a tiny baby with a sore back is not well equipped to make big life decisions- much like drunk people are not equipped to drive.
Shelve it for a week.
As you know my kids go to school but I always do other things at home with them as I don’t feel school is enough for them.It sounds like they’ve achieved so much in just one day at home with them and you have a young baby too.I think your underestimating yourself you know and should be proud to have got Fran to where she is today.
Oh god no, this was lots of days. We do things every day, I just don’t do enough to blog daily about it any more!
If you’ve found a school that meets their needs and your initial issues/ concerns with school education that contributed to your decision to HE in the first place have been overcome through Fran’s experience then there is no need to feel that you are letting them down by ending HE and enrolling them in the state education system. If you are trying to work in the business and look after a baby too then that is more than enough to contend with without adding another 3 full time children into the mix. Do you need to be doing work for the business yet ? (most people would still be in the early days of maternity leave and struggling with only the new baby/ children in school conundrum)
Merry
I’m not going to say that you should stay in HE if that is not what you truly want to do; I got to the stage where I couldn’t do it any more which coincided conveniently with my younger daughter asking to go to school. DD15 went to school permanently from Y5 although she had been in and out, and DD12 went permanently from Y4. They have both thrived because they started at the point which was right for us as a family. And that included me. We have brought our children up to be able to make informed choices, and I am pleased that my daughters are growing up into confident young ladies, with a lot to offer to the world. From what I have seen and remember of yours, yours are the same – wide variety of interests, articulate and bright. We have helped them to get this far, so we should be proud of what the families have achieved. By them going to school, we have not failed or given up on HE, but it is moving naturally on to another stage, and if the girls are ready to have a go at school, that is what matters. I worry that some parents keep their children in HE because they have been so strong in their opinions that they find it too difficult to accept that what suited a family 5 or 6 years ago isn’t right now. We are very lucky that DD12 and DD15 attend an Ofsted recognised “good” school, which helps, but I was pleased with the school even before it achieved that grade recently. You have obviously got Fran in a supportive school, and so I am sure that you could pick the right schools for the others if necessary.
Freeing up my time from HE has meant that I now have time to be Chair of Governors at the village school, which they attended previously, as well as support them in other ways, such as coaching at gymnastics: I have still got my fingers in their pies, so to speak, but in other ways.
xx
Whatever you decide, I think you have done an amazing job so far. I am always impressed by how much you do and how varied and interesting it is. Fran is obviously thriving at school because you have given her such a good foundation, so I am sure the others will thrive as well whether at home or at school. And I know that having a young baby and a bad back and home educating is not a great combination – I’ve been there – but (obviously you know this having had 6 babies) things move on so quickly, babies become more independent, they sleep for longer at a time, etc etc, so the situation now is not the situation you will be in after a few weeks/ months. I really hope your back gets better soon, it is so miserable being in a lot of pain and having to carry on being supermum. If possible, don’t try to decide anything now while you are feeling this way. Lots of love xx
I don’t have the answers for you and being a teacher, I know I wouldn’t have chosen the same path as you… but I have to say that I think you are utterly amazing for all that you do! My goodness, how you manage it all and run a business/baby is beyond me. Don’t beat yourself up when anyone can see how much your children are getting from you! You truly are super woman!
XxX
I am feeling similar to you tbh. We’ve had a stop/start year of constant illness and fairly major health issues with two of the children to deal with and it’s been a battle just to maintain doing basics never mind getting out the door to go anywhere. I don’t have the option of school tho as both the boys are far too autistic to cope in one. I just keep swimming and hoping things pan out again. They usually do eventually 🙂
You are so much more than adequate! You have done an amazing job with the girls, I have always been in awe of how much you do and how much fun you all seem to have doing it. If the girls do decide to go to school I know that they will be head and shoulders above their peers.
merry
Remember it’s the end of the year, give yourself a break breathe, your doing a good job. We flexi schooled when life was tough with Joe and Harriet is doing fine, don’t panic too much, kids bounce and if you were doing a really bad job you would have such lovely kids.
Rachel
Blah stupid spell check of course you have lovely kids!
Hi Merry, I saw this post and thought you might be interested…
http://shadowspring-lovelearningliberty.blogspot.co.uk/2011/02/not-everyone-can-home-school.html
I haven’t started home ed yet, but I’m considering it for my son, so that post really got me thinking.
Hm. I’m not quite sure what to make of that!
I agree with the last one…
It’s certainly food for thought 🙂
Based on that list I should never have home educated though, and they seem to have turned out okay.
that’s certainly not how it comes across in your blog 🙂
also there are different circumstances, you had to take Fran’s issues into account. From what I’ve read she would not have thrived in school environment at age 4..
also personally I believe that there’s very little formal “schooling” necessary at that age.
I still think you’ve achieved a lot though.At the end of the day it’s your choice and if you feel you can’t do it any more then do what makes you feel happy.