So much has changed. Again 🙂 He smiles, cheekily and engagingly, he visits smiles on us when we please him. He waves his arms and is thrilled when they connect with things, kicks his legs to get rid of blankets. I swear he wees at us on purpose and is charmed by the cries of […]
Archives for April 2012
Real blogging is hard to find.
Two years ago my head was bursting with thoughts and feelings and tears and fear and last year, worn out with another year of trying to conceive and grief and loneliness for a little boy who was never coming back, I just wanted to mark his moments and revel in having had him. We lit […]
Clearing out the stock room…
I’m in work this week, Ben tucked up on my front. And I’m clearing out the stock room. I’m going to be posting a series of pictures over on the Facebook page for PlayMerrilyToys. If you think you could give a (free) good home to a toy, then like the picture so I know what […]
Competition Winners (Hama & Djeco)
The winner of the Djeco £30 voucher for PlayMerrily is Rollercoaster Mum, who was picked at random by number shout from Amelie. The Hama Beads were won by Firefly, who has a Freddy – correct weight was 940g so she was closest! Get in touch via the contact page 🙂
Cousins
We are having a lovely few days. Comparing this year to last year is something I am trying hard not to do, because it seems unkind or disrespectful to be happy this year. But we are. Now is not the time to dwell or try to make sense of how unreal the last two years […]
It was, you may say, satisfactory.
We took our grief to Audley End, a place I carried Freddie secretly one hot late summer day 2 1/2 years ago. Walked the same grass, trod the same paths. We are not the same 6 as then. We are not even 6. We are a family who count ourselves in measured phrases and appropriate […]
I think it's kind of funny & I think it's kind of sad.
Dear Freddie, Today you should be two. We might have had a party, met up with your cousins and played chubby limbed boy games in the sun that shone. We might have driven trains on wooden track handed down from your sisters or bought you a new ride on car like the one Josie had […]
April Starts
This year we will live April. And love April. And remember Freddie, every breath of his last good moments and his coming and his being and his going. April is for remembering. April is for being family and saying his name and being glad we had him.
