When I was pregnant this time, I said to someone in a fairly joking fashion that I had very few new experiences left; birth by a roadside, on my bathroom floor or by forceps being three of the only obstetric things left on my to (not) do list that I could think of. I also said that maybe sometime I’d have to consider being some form of reactionary, bad-ass breastfeeding counsellor, having done nearly all forms of baby feeding too, mostly with irreverence. I’m well known for pointing out that my children increase in allergies in direct relation to the having had more breast milk 🙄 and I’ve always tried really hard, after beating myself up over Fran’s almost fully formula babyhood, to approach breast feeding from a ‘breast is best so long as it isn’t at the expense of sanity’ stance.
Fran, having been born with a cleft lip and palate, was not able to be breastfed. It does work for cleft babies occasionally, more so now perhaps I think as some babies get given little temporary bridges to pull their mouth together, but for Fran who had a very wide cleft, it was utterly unworkable. Various midwives tried to help and I did persist with it, but it never worked. I borrowed a double breast pump from the hospital and expressed for 13 weeks; inexperience meant I didn’t really understand how often I needed to do that, so my supply was never brilliant but she had about 40% breast milk for that time. I even had a wedding dress with pumping flaps in it. She’s my healthiest child and I’ve always felt I did the best I could in the circumstances.
Maddy was very different. I was desperate to make it work but again I had no experience and failed to get adequate support. She had a very narrow and high palate and ripped my nipples to shreds, regularly throwing up my blood in her milk. On reflection I think I could have fixed this but I didn’t know how. I lasted till she was 6 months by mixed feeding, with one formula bottle feed a day. It kept me sane, meant I could go to work in the evenings and reduced pain levels to a minimum.
Amelie however was a dream to feed, latching on quickly and always feeding cleanly and well, without the need to suck endlessly either. I was delighted to finally have it all work so well and we went on swimmingly till she was 8 months, when I was hospitalised with tonsillitis. She’d been eating solids for a while, the recommendations being 4 months on at the time, and Max managed to keep her going on milky baby rice, bringing her in for feeds as well. It was never quite the same after that though and ended fairly abruptly at 10 months ish when she looked up at me, smirked and bit half my nipple off. We stopped.
Josie was another milk monster, just as easy to feed as Amelie but with the added dimension of thinking she should be permanently attached. She was deliciously placid but unlatched for the first time at around 17 weeks 😆 She continued to feed until she was 2 and 1/2, which had not been my intention but it just seemed to work out that way. We missed the obvious weaning slot when she considered it due to some emotional turmoil and then it just carried on. As she went into toddlerhood we developed fairly established rules between us, mostly that she had a morning and afternoon feed, which accompanied a nap on my bed. She and I just to hum tunes to each other in little grunts – it was lovely and I’ve always been glad we shared that. It was always on offer if she was hurt or upset but we rarely fed outside the house and when she stopped and weaned it was all on her own terms. Weaning happened 5 days before a holiday where I expected to hare an airmattress and sleeping bag with her; I assumed the close proximity would restart night feeding, but she never even asked.
It was with Amelie, Josie and then Freddie that my friendship circles altered to be mainly populated by people who were committed breast feeders. I have no doubt it was that companionship that helped me to achieve better results. Breast feeding needs support so much.
One thing I learned with Freddie was how to express properly. I could do so little for him that making sure he had all my milk seemed very important. In his 11 days I was able to give him all my own milk, battling a 9 day supply drop (which I think might just be my body and what it does) with lots of two hourly pumping, eating well and drinking masses – an essential anyway in a hot Special Care Unit. I worked so hard to make sure there was enough for him to always have milk from me through his feeding tube – and it helped after his death to know that I had done that for him. He had plenty of milk backed up when he died – and I’ve always been so sad that it must have been thrown away.
And now Benedict. If I had only ever had Amelie and Josie I would have thought breast feeding was an easy thing, but Ben has shown me again that it is not always simple. With jaundice making him sleepy from the outset and 37 week ‘term’ status meaning he is less awake and short of energy, we’ve been really struggling against low supply and not being able to wake him up to feed, a circle of negative feedback making it harder and harder to achieve. Without all my previous experiences, I would definitely have turned to formula and a bottle. As it is, thanks to advice to syringe milk into him, I think we’ve turned it round. He’s waking more and feeding better. My lazy little boy likes syringe feeding though and went on full strike yesterday, refusing to latch at all. Yet again friends came to the rescue, suggesting skin to skin which he liked and which allowed me to see that his small and easily tired little mouth and my large and (in the words of a gp) well used nipple (!) had contrived to make an initially excellent latch go very badly wrong. Last night and today we’ve done feeding fro above, my nipple hovering over him until he’s well attached and can turn to the side and, remembering the experiences of another 37weeker mum, I started to make him such my finger while I syringed. Those things have been todays magic fix – who knows what tomorrow will bring.
Preparing for a baby is not about the retail experience of buying in stuff, it is about understanding that it changes by the minute and that you rarely get quite what you expect. 6 babies have given us 6 very different stories in every aspect of their early life – birth, health, feeding, death. To have 6 different experience of even breastfeeding is an eye-opener to me now I look back on it, while in the middle of the whirlpool of yet another experience. It’s an illustration of what parenthood is about – and for me, also an illustration of how much sharing experiences with others and listening to the experiences of other parents can help to get a good result for the whole family.
Medela have a tv programme this evening on Preparing for a Baby on Tuesday 07th February 2012 at 7.30pm and Sunday 12th February 2012 at 6.00pm. They have a Facebook page for more information. Medea have also given me a tube of their breast cream to give away so please drop a yes please in the comments box if you want to be in the draw. I’ll be trying out the other tube and seeing how it compares to the other two brands I have used over the years.
I’m fascinated to hear other experiences of breastfeeding different babies from mums. Drop me a comment or a link to a post and tell me about it 🙂
Sometimes I just don’t think I have it in me to have another baby…You’re a very strong woman and I like your blog very much.
“…ended fairly abruptly at 10 months ish when she looked up at me, smirked and bit half my nipple off. We stopped.”
That made me snort my coffee 🙂
This is a very honest post about breastfeeding and it’s ups and downs.
I am pregnant with my fourth child. Like you I have had a mixed experience .
My first was born at 37, had jaundice and was very sleepy. Would not latch at all and had
to be bottle fed. I pumped for ten days, she would hardly take an oz from a bottle too. Dd2 was born at 39 weeks was extremely hungry, but I couldn’t latch her properly and she made me bleed. I think that once again that I had failed at this contributed to the postnatal depression I had after her. I was determined with ds who is 15 months now to breast feed and get help doing so. However that wasn’t to be as when he was born he was very poorly and floppy and spent weeks in special care having tests and being tube fed. Because of his hypotonia he was unable to suck. I expressed again while he was in special care. He has been diagnosed since with a rare chromosome disorder, but he is coming on leaps and bounds.
I’m become a breastfeeding peer supporter 6 years ago after my experiences with my son almost 10 years ago.He was breastfed until he was 10 1/2 months, but I know if I had more support or information we would gone on longer.When his first sister came along it was a totally different experience as was her birth.It was when she was 5 months old I did my first training and my second when she was 18 months old, a month after I was forced by the doctor and dietcian to stop as she wasn’t putting on weight.When my third came along almost 4 years ago, it was another different experience (and so was the birth).She took days to latch on after being born naturually in the breech position.She, like her sister wasn’t putting on enough weight and I fought to keep her off formula but I relented into giving her 2 4oz feeds a day via a Doidy cup at the age of 4 1/2 months until she was 7 1/2 months.We finished breastfeeding last October when she was 3 1/2 years old and it was on my terms.I’m glad we had a sustained breastfeeding experience this time round as the stopping wasn’t initated by someone else.
I only have the 1. I was determined to breastfeed but found it really difficult at first – especially since I had lots of negative comments from people who were saying “Make it easy on yourself, use formula”. Anyway I stuck at it and fortunately had several wonderful La Leche League mamas on the end of the phone who kept cheering me on and also Clare Meynell, an extraordinary knowledgeable Lactation Consultant, helped greatly by coming around to visit and show me physically. I wasn’t right with the latch on and with a sleepy baby, small (she was a tiny 6lber) and getting increasingly upset as the milk wasn’t going in her. Clare showed me how to express bits of milk and we did a bit of syringe and a little bit of spoon feeding too, in order to top my daughter up. I was also shown how to comb through a blocked duct (very painful but the relief it brought was incredible), the result of the poor latch on. Once my daughter had a good fill of expressed milk she had a very different energy about her and then latching on was so much easier. We kept breastfeeding until she was almost 6 years old (we went through a biting stage – I was told to say a “No – ouch!” and then put her down gently and also find things more appropriate to use for teething for her – no wonder you stopped at the nipple bite off – mega ouch and a shudder).
I’d say to anyone who plans to breastfeed get the helpline numbers for La Leche League, Breastfeeding Network and so on if you don’t have anyone close by. Get yourself the support and knowledge structure you need.
My firstborn was born at 36 1/2 weeks and was also jaundiced, also a poor feeder. Due to my new mum status I had no idea what could/should have been done differently. I had had “breast is best” drummed in to me for the whole of the pregnancy so was horried when a nurse on the ward told me to give him a bottle when he wouldn’t feed! I ended up feeding him off a spoon, dripping it in to his mouth. We battled on through failure to thrive for 3 months before I gave up and tried the bottle – with no success either. Desperate, I weaned him on to solids. He thrived. Aged FIFTEEN it was pointed out to him that he is tongue tied! No wonder the poor lad couldn’t breastfeed! No one noticed. Not even his speech therapist. Not even his Mum 🙁 Next child had his first feed at 6 minutes old and fed for 10 minutes. He was so easy to feed, regular, strong. Weaned at 6 months. Third child – he wasn’t such a good feeder but at least his Mum was a more experienced breastfeeder! Weaned at 6 months. Then came home education and like you more exposure to women who understood breasfeeding and were very commited to it. Fourth child came – and had multiple intolerances from birth which meant he was always in pain, always crying, always feeding/needing comfort. Once I took the stuff out of my diet that was affecting him, he fed well. I realised that the only way to keep him safe was to breastfeed and so – with the support of friends – I breastfed him till he was 2 before he was fully weaned. Every child has been different, not least because their Mum has had different experience each time!
Merry, I really liked this,
“approach breast feeding from a ‘breast is best so long as it isn’t at the expense of sanity’ stance.”
I had a classic crappy start to breastfeeding – rotational forceps delivery and enforced three days in hospital with screaming baby and not a drop of colostrum or milk. Docs argued with midwives about what to do while I sobbed and gave a couple of bottles of formula. Got home and milk flooded in. Next joy was torn and bleeding nipples. Got through that and the boy breastfed to two years old – a happy and lovely thing. I’m glad it worked out that way but whatever keeps everyone ok is what counts, I reckon. All seems a long time ago now.
Only three babies here (so far – fourth on the way) – but three very different feeding experiences! I’ve learned that you never have enough kids that you don’t need to ask for help – #3 was the toughest to get to latch on yet, and #2 the easiest!
No matter how much I wanted to, I was just pants at breast feeding, so my first son Alfie, survived until 6 weeks, when a friend told me it was ok to use a bottle. The first time I gave him his bottle he smiled at me – I felt as if to say, “thanks Mum, I was starvinnnnnng!!!” My second son William, well it was just 2 weeks and he went onto the bottle. I am fortunate, both boys are at this time healthy and full of the joys of boyhood. I suffered from the “I can’t breastfeed” stigma emotionally, but I look at them both now, and I know, I did what was right for them both at that point. Personally, I would have loved to have been able to breast feed them, but something didn’t quite connect but they have turned out ok.
just want to say, no matter what, I think you’re doing a brilliant job.
Oh my. I’m going to keep this cut and dried and sparse because… well, because I still find it difficult(painful) to talk about these things..
Baby no 1 – was a young mum, unplanned pregnancy, was trying to stay in university, was in the middle of moving from my parent’s to papacrow’s parent’s, utterly sleep deprived after a weekend of labour (or ‘pre labour’ as they called it), had no idea what i was doing and had no advice really other than to formula feed from the HV with whom I DID NOT get on AT ALL.
I hung on for 3 months through bleeding nipples and thrush and pain and no sleep and struggling to express pitiful amounts and commuting back and forth to Uni, baby put on no weight and started to loose. I finally gave up when I was threatened with hospital admission – I’m sure they wouldn’t see as ‘threatened’ but seeing as how I was pretty hospital phobic at the time, I was terrified and devistated. Due to my allergies, he was put on soya formula (this was back in 97) and did well on it – life improved by loads but I’m still not ‘over’ it, it still stirs up a lot of deep feelings of loss and faliure.
Baby 2 – had done my research, had a home water birth and colosterum started coming through late in the pregnancy which caused a HUGE weight to move off my shoulders! He just seemed to know what he was doing, life was more settled, I had more support, we discovered co sleeping, I wasn’t sleep deprived, it wasn’t agony and it was bliss in comparison! I started work as soon a legally allowed, although it was part time and I got the knack of expressing. He lost interest around 8mnths and so had I, quite frankly, so we used follow on milk.
Baby 3 – again, nice home water birth, he seemed to know what he was doing, I even had 6mnths maternity leave! Then I thought I’d get him onto bottles before I went back work, as I wasn’t sure I could face all that expressing again. He promptly got broncholitus 🙁 it was AWFUL. I felt terrible and instantly offered him the breast – luckily he’d only been off it 5 days to a week and we re-established breast feeding easily. I kept it up with expressing after returning to work and he then drifted off it at about 10 mnths when we both lost interest.
I need to insert here that up to this point, I felt vaguely uneasy with the idea of feeding a very mobile baby – crawler/toddler. This all changed with Baby 4 – no idea why!
He was also a home water birth, he was a little over his due date and stressed during the birth – there was myconim in my waters and he had a core temperature drop after delivery which resulted in us overnighting in hospital. Despite this breastfeeding established quickly and easily (although we were plagued with thrush for a while) and i was quite sad when he lost interest at about a year when I was going back to work – I would have liked to carry on longer but you can’t MAKE A baby suckle if he dosn’t want to!
Baby no 5 – I stopped working during the pregnancy, it was an easy home water birth, breast feeding established easily – and then she turned out to be a pincher. She pinched the underneath of upper arms till I was covered with bruises. I persisted in removing her fingers, and onset of winter and thick jumpers helped! Then she started nipping – I thought it was biting at the time, but Baby 6 taught me that it really wasn’t – as this was around a year, I stopped feeding her. I would offer, she would giggle and nip me! So I stopped offering!
Baby no 6 – nice home water birth, easily established breastfeeding, a bit of thrush but no other issues… Then around 6-8 mnths she started biting. REALLY biting. I didn’t want to switch to follow on milk, now being much more informed about formula, breast feeding and our family lactose intolerance. Thank GOD for twitter! With a lot of support and advice, we eventually got through it but it was tough – she drew blood several times on both sides. It got to the point where i was so badly hurt that nursing was agony even when she wasn’t biting or hanging on with her teeth! After a twitter inspired brainwave I tried out nipple shields and this made feeding bearable until I healed up. I had to learn to really watch for the signs that she was going to bite, which was tough because it didn’t fit into a particular point in the feed or even teething!
There was a lot of ‘no, that hurts mummy’ and unlatching her. Then she developed a habit of hanging on with teeth, and that was nearly the last straw! Again, a lot of non-judgemental support from twitter was a life saver. I did lots of uphill feeding and re-established the latch. Thankfully, we got through it and she’s still nursing at 27mnths, mostly first and last thing but occasionally during the day, usually if she’s starting a cold or desparate for a nap. The only major thing we’ve done differently with her is not introducing a dummy, I do wonder if this was why the others weaned earlier – they transfered their allegance to the dummy!
p.s. sorry for writing a novel O.o
thank you merry ( and commenty folk) for sharing. Expecting number 3 here and not going to get complacent about ‘ having done it before’.
Breastfeeding has gone pretty smoothly here, staying in hospital with No 1 after a friend having told me to call for help for every feed ( and being anaemic enough to just do as I was told by her)- having a blood transfusion really got us off to a good start with breastfeeding, and luckily reasonable help from hospital staff.
I know a local independant international board cert. lactation consultant, and I think I few friends are breastfeeding counsellors too.
I fed both of my chiddlers until toddlers (son to 18 months; daughter to age 2). Both of them were difficult at first, and i had lots more problems with sore nipples with baby no.2 than I did with baby no. 1. Their latches were so different, and all the tricks I learned with baby no. 1 just didnt help with baby no. 2. Lots of help from HVs and breastfeeding counsellors and the local BF clinic did the trick – and switching to ‘laid back breastfeeding’ to help my daughter get a better latch.
For me, this underlines the idea that breastfeeding is a skill that both mother and baby have to learn/work at. It does come easily for some; and it is impossible for others. But many people find that they can get through the problems with help and support and advice from really informed counsellors.
I wrote about me breastfeeding experiences in Jan (http://apathlesstrodden.blogspot.com/2012/01/24-weeks-at-breast-success.html) but the gist of it was that I failed to breastfeed my other four but was absolutely determined to breastfeed lucas and a lovely friend supported me through the first 6 months. I couldn’t have done it without her. It really is a skill that needs learning.
Great post – I think it’s comforting to know that every baby really is different. I was lucky to have a lot of support, my daughter fed well after the first couple of weeks and self-weaned just before age 2. Breastfeeding isn’t easy, even when you have a good experience. So glad you’ve found a way to make it work with your latest. I have huge admiration for anyone who manages to express, not least after a prem baby and the thought of syringe feeding again gives me shivers!
So happy to hear the Ben is getting the hang of things now. I seem to be having the same problems starting out with #3 that I had with #1. Sore, cracked nipples and thrush with an extra helping of mastitis thrown in this time. I guess the only advantage I have with #3 is knowing when something is wrong and where to go for help. I nursed D until 20 months even after returning to work when she turned 1. I know I will breast feed C.S. until she is one (baring any massive tragedies that always lurk in the back on my mind) and after that we will see how things go.