We are loving getting to know this little boy. 6th time in and our eyes are opened all over again to what a miracle it is to see a baby breathe and be whole and live. I don’t think the full reality has sunk in yet for me, but it is beginning to. I’m just beginning to realise we get to keep him.
It was only really looking at this again last night that brought it home to me. I will never quite forgive the universe for what it put my children through; for my stoical little Maddy to be the one that broke down….
I’m prepare to forgive it a bit, now that we are here on the other side, but only just. We are a family of 8 who have to make do as a 7. That will never be okay.
Yesterday the girls got to cuddle baby Ben, something we never were able to give them with Freddie. It was glorious to watch.
I can see the strain and grief melting away from them. And there is nothing quite like seeing your husband being smitten by his son for falling in love all over again 🙂
Ben started to be more awake last night and he and I did the feeding and cuddling night that is the start of many. I slept upright him on my chest and it felt like I had been given my world back.