For some reason, I’m finding Christmas more of a struggle this year than I did last year. I’m not sure why, nor is it really from the perspective of ever last element of Christmas grating on grief like a raw and rubbing wound. This Christmas has some hope in it, which most certainly helps a great deal and we’ve all (but most especially me) got much better at handling the awkward things. I’m overwhelmed really, when I think about it, but how much I’ve got to grips with 4 present lists and Christmas carols and all the trappings that hurt like daggers last year. I’m hoping that it won’t mean it hits me like a brick on the day, but I don’t think it will.
I’m well known for my inability to be muted when it comes to material purchases. I’ve over-indulged in Christmas presents far too often and given my children too much stuff. From when Fran was little I worked on the ‘buy now, worry about the cost later’ principle and my gifts for herwere always what I wanted to get her, not what she needed or I could afford. Naturally this approach gets a) your finances into trouble and b) significantly harder, messier and more expensive the more children you have. After a spectacular row a couple of Christmas Eve’s back (before we really knew what a miserable Christmas Eve could feel like) I’ve been working very hard at cutting back on the piles of stuff, making things more meaningful and special and not overspending. Plus I’ve actually paid off all my debts and learned to live within a budget so ending Xmas will a credit card bill is no longer something I particular aspire to. This is the tree last Christmas – the first year that we all (perhaps me!) really properly understood that Christmas is about loving each other and the thought as much as the things – for 6 people, it felt quite sensible and it was a surprisingly joyful day too.
It’s funny really because through the year Max and I are not gift orientated at all as a rule. We’ve never done Valentines Day or wedding anniversaries bar a nice bottle of wine together and a bunch of flowers, most years we are extremely muted in our birthday presents. Two years ago I got a microwave – because we needed one 😉 Last year I got thoroughly spoiled and it was fabulous but I don’t expect it normally and Max is hopeless at never wanting anything and very hard to buy for. This year we are each buying ourselves a few simple things for the girls to give us and swapping piles! By the time we get as far as 70th birthdays or Ruby wedding anniversary gifts, I reckon we’ll be reduced to buying each other fresh surgical stockings and a new vacuum cleaner 😆
Despite all that, or perhaps because of it, I’m finding it very hard to get into any sort of commercial festive spirit this year. The grind of owning a toy shop changes it anyway I think. Christmas means 2 months of hard work, postal service difficulties and people being grumpy with us because it snowed, these days. I’m more aware than ever that we are a family that lives on a limited budget and, having got it under control in the last six months, I’m really reluctant to blow it on a gift fest. Then there are the children. They are growing up and are very changed by all the things that have happened to our family. I asked them for lists and this is typical of what I got – prosaic and undemanding it most certainly is!
This was Fran’s. I’m finding gift ideas for her very difficult this year. She’s on the cusp of young woman though still very young at heart, but certainly too old for toys from our shop any more. She doesn’t want for much and hasn’t asked for much – as you can see. I don’t mind, but most of that I’d normally just buy anyway. I think one of the reasons I’ve always tended to over-indulge in Xmas is the sheer joy of the magic and I’m sad to see that aspect of it go. I’ve got a houseful of people who are playing along with aspects of it all now, rather than being totally engulfed. It’s a change, a big change, not even an unwelcome change in some respects, but it is certainly a very new sort of family Christmas.
Of course, all being well, next year will be different again. I must admit I’m looking forward to relighting the magic a bit. Fingers crossed.
We’re trying hard this year to stick to ‘something you want, something you need, something to wear and something to read’… so far so good, except that I’m heading ‘up country’ next weekend & will be shopping with a friend, so…
Oh, I like that!
I find the whole thing very tedious in terms of buying stuff. I hate shopping as a rule and the pressure to be thoughtful and original is a pain. Much rather people tell me what they want than me dragging myself round various internet sites to end up with something that is ok. We have more toys than can be played with, books that can be read and clothes that can be worn. My big two couldn’t even think of anything really to put on their Christmas list. Shows that they get too much during the year I guess. I’m not sure that they even value what they have particularly as they take it for granted. This year is much more about cutting back on spending for the sake of and perhaps they’ll appreciate it more? I couldn’t do the ‘buy now worry later’, or rack up debt on the credit card – it would stress me too much.
It does rather feel like we end up in an endless circle of too much stuff> not enough money> what shall we get them for Christmas?
Blah 🙁
Maybe its the age of the older two but they haven’t asked for very much at all in monetary terms, just a couple things they want. Emma was the best to buy for because she asked us to surprise her 🙂 Seb was the worst for ‘wants’ but he is going to learn that it doesn’t work that way. We used to do the debt thing similar to you but this year we have done it without credit which makes me feel so much happier….I feel a blog post coming on,lol.
Thomas has a loooooong list, it’s about the only thing that he will willingly write lol – but he’s completely happy with the fact that it’s just a list, that presents are surprises, and that most things on his list won’t materialise.
I love that saying Liz! I will have to write that one down. Particularly as, like Merry of yesteryear, I horribly overindulge in Christmas presents. When it comes to buying for my daughter, it is almost like a . . . compulsion! But you are right, it is going to get messy! It’s already messier now that baby 2/3 is here and I am spending on him as well (although I don’t have quite the same bizarre need to?!)
Hubs and I don’t buy one another presents as a rule so I don’t quite know where it comes from. Like your microwave, hubs bought me a vacuum cleaner for our first wedding anniversary!
I love Fran’s little list. Very understated.
I hope you find some of that magic this year. I’m hoping for a little over here too!