Patch Of Puddles
  • Archives
  • About Us
  • Neonatal Loss
  • Health & Issues
    • Birth Stories
      • Birth Story – Frances
      • Birth Story – Maddy
      • Birth Story – Amelie
      • Birth Story – Josie
      • Birth Story – Freddie
    • Cleft Lip and Palate
    • Caesarean & Vbac
    • PASS will Pass
  • Home Ed
    • Making Paper Boats
    • Home Ed Resources
    • A Typical HE Day
    • Jump Page
    • Ed Report 2003
    • Ed Report 2004
    • Ed Report 2005
    • Ed Report 2010
  • Puddles
    • Poetry Collection
    • Books
    • Camping List
    • Favourite Adult Fiction Authors
    • Gardening Pages
    • Poetry Collection
  • Contact
    • Places PoP is Listed
    • Disclosure & Privacy
    • Social Media Channels
    • Work with Me
You are here: Home / Family Life / Freddie / The beginning of the end

The beginning of the end

July 20, 2010 by

In honour of many things, not least some births and my period, which signifies the end of all hope of another baby before Freddie’s first birthday, I have typed up his birth story. Be gentle with it.

Filed Under: Freddie Tagged With: baby loss, child loss, grief, life after loss, losing a child, neonatal death

Comments

  1. Sue says

    July 20, 2010 at 7:59 am

    (((hugs))) You write so beautifully. What a very moving description, and what an amazing birth. It probably doesn’t help to say that you can’t know ever what ‘might have been’… but had you opted for the c-section, and things had gone wrong, I’m sure it would have been even harder to deal with 🙁 I wish there was something constructive I could say or do… hoping and praying that time will, slowly, begin to heal in a positive way and thankful that you do have the memory of such a peaceful, loving arrival in the world for Freddie. (((more hugs)))

  2. sandra haynes says

    July 20, 2010 at 8:11 am

    Be gentle with yourself… sending you hugs
    San xx

  3. rachel says

    July 20, 2010 at 8:19 am

    ((((hugs))))

    Rachel

  4. Carol says

    July 20, 2010 at 9:05 am

    That was so beautifully written Merry, and it bought tears to my eyes. An amazing, lovely perfect birth for a beautiful boy. xxxx

  5. tbird says

    July 20, 2010 at 1:59 pm

    hugs Merry.

  6. Angela says

    July 20, 2010 at 3:59 pm

    Beautiful birth. Simple, sweet and near perfect. So sorry Freddie is not here with you.

  7. JillM says

    July 20, 2010 at 9:15 pm

    Beautiful, beautiful words about a very beautiful little boy. Your words took me right back to Emma’s labour and birth – there is such a lot of your story that is so very similar to my experience too – and it is heartbreaking and unfair and wrong that we don’t have our beautiful babies with us. They should be.

  8. Debbie Ellard says

    July 20, 2010 at 10:51 pm

    Thanks for sharing your birth story Merry.

    Freddies story has touched me deeply. I am sorry for your deep pain.

  9. Catherine W says

    July 21, 2010 at 8:38 am

    Oh Merry. You’ve made me laugh and cry all at once. I did love your muddled thought that Freddie would be born on the wrong blog! And I’m afraid that I’m not the kind of girl who would choose to eat a banana over a bacon sandwich.

    I’m so sorry that such a beautiful birth did not have the ending that you and your family would have wished for. There is such a strong sense of peace in your description of birthing your little boy. Freddy was such a handsome baby and it is so difficult to believe that he could be born somehow unready for this life.

    I know how hard it is to put those ‘what ifs’ aside but you made every choice you did with love, every action that you took was taken with love. Nobody could have done anything more than that.

    And I know I’ve said this before but I am so very sorry. x

  10. Merry says

    July 21, 2010 at 10:59 am

    Debbie – I have been thinking of you (and thanking you) lots. I’ve been trying to find the words for an email and failing miserably.

    Catherine – in labour; no, banana and toast was all I could manage!

  11. Claire says

    July 21, 2010 at 5:47 pm

    I can’t believe you turned down the bacon sandwich! 🙂

    Thank you for sharing his birth story. Hugs

  12. Debbie Ellard says

    July 21, 2010 at 9:15 pm

    Please Merry, don’t concern youself. It’s been an honour to follow yours and Freddieds journey.

  13. Debbie Ellard says

    July 21, 2010 at 9:16 pm

    So sorry about the typo.

  14. Michaela says

    July 21, 2010 at 11:12 pm

    Hello. I haven’t commented for a while, for fear of saying the wrong thing, but I have been reading and thinking of you all. Thank you for sharing Freddie’s birth story. Like Catherine, you made me laugh and cry. I’m sorry that such a peaceful birth did not end the way it should have. I saw a rainbow today and thought of you and Freddie x

  15. Amanda says

    July 22, 2010 at 10:49 am

    i just echoing everyone else – wish i could add more. thankyou for sharing. xx

  16. Carly says

    July 22, 2010 at 6:09 pm

    I haven’t commented at all before now, mainly because I don’t know the right thing to say. I’m not sure there is one.

    Thank you for sharing his birth story. It was a beautiful birth. I am so sorry it ended with so much pain. xx

  17. 'EF' x says

    July 23, 2010 at 7:52 am

    It would be impossible to read about Freddie without being deeply touched. I laid some meadow flowers for him and in honor of what you are living through on top of a beautiful hill we visit. The hill looks out over the sea and is very peaceful. Your writing about Freddie has honored him and means that a wide community is grieving with you. In some small way people who read you (or know you in day to day life) want to take a piece of the grief for you and grieve with you to somehow ease your passage through this difficult time.

  18. Merry says

    July 23, 2010 at 11:33 am

    Thank ou all for your comments. I appreciate them.

  19. Ellie says

    July 24, 2010 at 12:27 am

    Dear Merry, oh I am glad you have written his birth story, and shared it with us. What a tender kindness, I think this sort of sharing helps us all, no matter our own personal experiences and losses. I so wish I had written my wee daughter’s birth story back then, all those years ago. It took me over twenty — imagine. Thank you for sharing. Be well and take care. {hugs}

  20. Ellie says

    July 24, 2010 at 12:30 am

    (oh, my: deepest apologies for the typo in my previous comment’s website field. Mortifying. In my defense, I am typing from my phone, post-brain surgery for Timor removal –so there is that!).

  21. Merry says

    July 24, 2010 at 10:13 am

    It is a funny typo 🙂 And so glad you’ve made it out of surgery okay 🙂

  22. Caroline says

    July 25, 2010 at 10:49 pm

    Such a beautiful story and so brave to write it. You do write so very well. I am so pleased for you that you uttered those beautiful words whilst still in the pool ~ words to hang on to, and despite the sad and painful loss of your dear, sweet boy, HE gave you the birth you’d always longed for you. He told you you could do it. Everything was as it should have been and there is no fault or blame. In your shoes I would have made exactly the same choices. As I carry my 8th there are risks, but I will choose as I always have done and trust my instincts, just as you did, to guide me. Your instincts were true to you, they prepared you (as well as anyone can ever prepare for such a tragedy). I look at the picture at the end of the story and my heart wells up with love for you and your boy, for your family, for Max and the girls ~ I don’t want this to be the end of Freddie’s story and do you know…when at last the pain and grief begin to subside…I don’t think it will be. You are such a creative person Merry, I know you will find away to make Freddie’s life meaningful not only to yourselves, but to others whose lives you touch everyday across the globe ~ you have already begun to I know and I believe that the gift of Freddie will grow.
    Much Love and so many hugs ~ Cx

  23. Khadijah says

    July 29, 2010 at 2:03 pm

    It’s a beautiful account of Freddie’s birth Merry. You have a way of capturing moments with words so, so vividly.

    (I can somehow see the picture for friends and family only)

    xxxx
    xxxx

Categories

Archives 2003-2015

Recent Posts

  • After The End.
  • The End.
  • “The last thing I want to do is document it all.”
  • Big Changes.
  • A Toy or Two to Tempt me to Blog.

About Baby Freddie

  • Baby Freddie
  • Update on Freddie
  • Stop all the Clocks
  • Alongside and Beyond
  • Freddie's April.
  • 23 April 2010
  • A Life More Ordinary
  • Freddie's Day
  • Balancing it up.
  • Other Stuff

Recent Posts

  • The End.
  • “The last thing I want to do is document it all.”
  • Big Changes.
  • A Toy or Two to Tempt me to Blog.
  • 11 days. 
  • Not 6. 
  • Buying for Dad: Perfect presents for all ages
  • Memories of Paris from my teens – and my teen.
  • A mother’s day.
  • Easy Tips & Tricks To Introduce Your Children To Gardening

Daffodil Boy

#DaffodilBoy

MerrilyMe on Pinterest

ShareNiger

Cybher 2013

Copyright © 2025 · Metro Pro Theme on Genesis Framework · WordPress · Log in

This website uses cookies to improve your experience. We'll assume you're ok with this, but you can opt-out if you wish. Cookie settingsACCEPT
Privacy & Cookies Policy

Privacy Overview

This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. Out of these, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. But opting out of some of these cookies may affect your browsing experience.
Necessary
Always Enabled
Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. This category only includes cookies that ensures basic functionalities and security features of the website. These cookies do not store any personal information.
Non-necessary
Any cookies that may not be particularly necessary for the website to function and is used specifically to collect user personal data via analytics, ads, other embedded contents are termed as non-necessary cookies. It is mandatory to procure user consent prior to running these cookies on your website.
SAVE & ACCEPT