I took these photos on Max’s birthday. I just liked the discarded bit of paper and all the colours.
Afterwards, when I saw the way the two had come out, I had a wry smile.
Big Birth Wishes. Gone in a flash. I forgot to wish for a bring home baby. Must get round to writing up his birth story really. Not sure if it counts as a successful VBA3C story when the baby is dead. I think so still really, it felt like the perfect birth to me, right up to immediately afterwards.
The problem with writing up birth stories is that we kind of have to do it before we forget the smaller details. It’s also the same with death stories. Freddie’s birth sounds like it was a really special one (perfect). I really regret not writing mine up properly and sooner (birth stories). I just thought I would always remember, but stuff fades. The feelings about the births are still there but they are somehow wordless without personal written description.
There isn’t much to remember about Freddie’s really – arrived, panted a bit in the pool, got out, had a baby. The others (indelibly etched on my memory) were possible to write up years later. Either because his was so smooth and simple or because I had a lot of gas and air, is mostly a blur of physical feelings and not much else.
Now I understand why people find it odd when people are traumatised by difficult births – when they are awful, you just don’t forget them. I’ve mostly forgotten Freddie’s already, not because I’ve blanked it but because it was smooth and gentle and right and the natural thing is to forget.
This is exactly how I feel about Emma’s VBA2C birth. I had such big birth wishes – and they were all fulfilled right until the point when she didn’t breathe. (((HUGS)))
hugs. oh my heart aches for you Merry. Not very useful, I suppose, but there you are, all I can bring to the table i guess xxx
Also, just want to keep commenting… don’t want to be silent because it’s hard to try and say something xxx
Merry, I do think of Florence’s homebirth as successful, it was perfect, it was just afterwards that was shit.
I don’t have flashbacks to the birth, I remember it fondly. The flashbacks come later in the ambulance and at the hospital.
Write his story, it’s all valid. x
Write his story because he needs his place with his sisters in the side bar. He was born, he lived, he died. His circle was far shorter than the rest of his family, but its his story and equally important and worthy of a place.
All I can offer is *hugs* 🙁
I’ll ditto Tech. *hugs*
A friend of mine had a wonderful homebirth for her first son, who died within the day. His birth story is here: http://seoras.farr-montgomery.com/
I had a traumatic birth later with a baby who is fine and 6 years old now, and she was very clear when talking to me that the normal, good, homebirth experience was one she valued highly as part of her first sons life.
I remember Seoras – I was on the homebirth list when that happened. I’ve read his story since. The irony of it all is that Freddie’s birth was even smoother than that; short, simple, no extended pushing stage (maybe not even enough, maybe too quick). It makes it so hard to know that it all went right, completely right. And he died.
I’ve got such a troubled birth history, so much baggage. To have finally had it go so beautifully and yet have a dead baby to show for it is just dreadful. And to never know if it was that or not – almost intolerable.
I can’t offer comfort, but I did come back to read this.