Münchhausen’s By Proxy – that weapon of war against mothers. Used to vilify women in all sorts of scenarios and now, thankfully, largely dead in the water after Dr Roy Meadows was discredited for using it to bring to their knees the mothers of children who fell victim to cot death. I do not have a deep enough reserve of contempt for people who do this – and i have good reason to.
When Maddy was about 2, her toddler behaviour began to cause me enormous concern. She was a toddler who appeared to be neck deep in despair, rage, anxiety, compulsions and fear. Nothing i could do would help – she reacted with horror and fury to any deviation from normal, even down to simple things like me turning left at a roundabout we normally turned right at. She lined things up, she followed routines, she tried to hurt herself when things were beyond her control. She wasn’t talking and she had very little interest in communicating with anyone but me. Playgroups were a nightmare and the nursery she was briefly at reported that she sobbed inconsolably for hours at a time. She reacted badly to clothing, labels, textures and had items that she had to have with her at all times, panicking beyond all reasonableness if they were not in her hands. Loud noise, bright lights, too many people – all these things caused extreme reactions and yet often, if we were with other people, aside from being a little withdrawn, she seemed fine. She had a habit of ‘coping’ in public which would then cause monumental breakdowns once we were in private. It was distressing, frightening, worrying and i felt an enormous failure at not being able to either fix it or control it. Most of all, i just felt sad that i couldn’t seem to right her little world and the whole thing came to a head one day when a tantrum over some tiny thing, like which arm went into a coat first, resulted in her (at 2) trying to slam her head against a sharp corner of a piece of furniture in frustration and all i could do (heavily pregnant) was wrestle her to the ground and hold her down until she sobbed herself into a state where i could handle her and cuddle her.
So i went to a doctor. We’d just moved, Fran had come to the end of a long run of operations and i felt that i had tried everything i could and needed help. I described the behaviour and tentatively wondered if she might have some autistic tendencies, something that appeared to be manifesting in the family elsewhere. I asked for some support and help to understand her and help her, because i felt inadequate and out of my depth and it didn’t seem right to battle on alone when perhaps someone who have a magic fix. We hadn’t even decided to HE really at this point, although it was a thought whispering around our heads and Fran was in playgroup, Maddy had been in nursery – i was happy to be offered any support, including a nursery. We were not a way out family by any stretch of the imagination. But i had, it is true, had some bouts of depression, something i have struggled with on and off all my life and which the difficulties of Fran’s early life had definitely aggravated. Knowing myself i had always sort help for this, had light but effective medication and had remained at all times a person who functioned as i needed to.
The doctor sent round a health visitor, who came 3 times and seemed to be asking evaluation questions. It wasn’t particularly helpful but she had some ideas and thoughts and she was nice enough to chat to. On the third visit she told me she had been assessing me for Münchhausen’s By Proxy but it was fine, i didn’t have it. I was flabbergasted – but not nearly as scared as i should have been. It makes my blood run cold and perhaps it isn’t sensible even to mention it. But i hope if this blog is a record of anything, it is that we care deeply about our children here and their welfare and well being is paramount. We are not perfect, but they are the very centre of our lives. And if i could have this levelled at me, then so could any other perfectly ordinary mum.
I got investigated for being mentally ill with a desire to get attention by harming or inventing illnesses for my child BECAUSE i fulfilled my duty as a parent and sort medical help for one of them when i feared there was something wrong that i could not deal with alone. And i was right, because she was subsequently diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome by 10 professionals who took the time to get to know her and me. She needed some help and i went looking for it and accessed it. She needed personal, specialist attention and i knew i needed to make sure she got it. So i asked. And i could have lost everything by doing so.
And if that can happen to me over a health issue (which proves to be valid), what on earth is going to happen to home educators if anyone at all decides “there is no smoke without fire” over this little gem. That Mr Badman dared to ask if mothers who home educate are suffering from MBP. I mean, imagine – you decide that you want to give your child the personal, uniquely tailored education you feel they need, exercising your legal right and duty to do so and someone levels the possibility that you might only do so because you are mentally ill and intent on harming your child.
When i read that, i cried. Because these people are conducting a smear campaign and we have nothing but right and truth on our side and that is not going to save us from the people determined to smear us with shit. What else is there to do but cry? No one is going to listen to us while we cry foul.
We keep fighting.
Hugs.
Very aware that could have been me too.
Yes we have been there done that and worn the T shirt where MSBP is concerned. My Husband actually told the ‘professionals’ who were supposed to assessing our son that he knew what they were looking at us for. My son was 12 at the time and we had been raising concerns about him for years. When the MSBP fell flat on it’s face my son was then diagnosed with an Oedipus Complex which was frankly just as bad. My son was sent home on suicide watch for 48 hours but in reality we lived on a knife edge for 2 years. Our son was finally diagnosed with Aspergers after two complete breakdowns and 2 years after being taken out of school.
I find the fact that Badman tried to link MSBP to home ed totally unforgiveable.
I too have suffered depression, both post natal and reactive, I also suffer from underlying anxiety that means I take a daily low dose of anti depressant. I grew up feeling just wrong because I have dyslexia, dyspraxia and ADHD inattentive type and although i got by i never performed as i should in school that was a form of abuse for me.
It is not surprising that my kids have leaning differences, and that trying to negotiate the system for them was traumatic and depressing for me. I think it is likely that many mothers who have children with learning differences suffer from depression at the outright neglect and lack of care shown by society for their needs.
It is a case of being sane in an insane society.
I am very sorry this happened to you and Badman’s ignorance has just rubbed salt into the wound.
the people behind this war on home educators are the scum of the earth.
(((hugs))) It is truely terrifying indeed.
When I set out to get help for Nathan he was barely two. I was young and single so was looked upon with suspicion at the outset. I went to my doctor who told me actually it wasnt my son, it was me and that I needed parenting classes and anti-drepressants. I wasnt depressed, I had a son who endangered himself and others but noone believed me. I had to attend parenting classes, and my health visitor visited me once a week. When he didnt improve and the health visitor had a saucepan thrown at her she referred me to social services where I was told to keep my son in my care I had to have a keyworker, attend family therapy and have weekly supervised sessions at my house to see how I managed him.
I of course complied and N didnt improve so after three years they finally accepted it wasnt me. So then they blamed him and gave him anger management and therapy. It was only when they finally accepted that THAT wasnt working that they diagnosed him with Aspergers. He was 9.
The people who think they can blame parents when its isnt their fault are the lowest form of scum ever.
I am so sorry to hear your stories Merry and Maire. The trauma entailed in both is all too vivid.
Badman’s proposals are so destructive if for one reason alone, and this being that of the ill-considered consequences of them and other initiatives like it eg: duty to share information, is that people who need help will not seek it.
I agree, entirely, he should never have asked such a crass and potentially damaging question. My chief consolation, is that he appears to have asked it of one person, once (that we know of), and that the response he got seems to have dissuaded him from putting any mention of in the actual report. I’m not saying it’s not still his secret belief, I’m just saying that even he, with his long list of “I believe” statements, didn’t think he could pin this one on us.
Thank heaven.
My heart goes out to you Merry. Heres my story, briefly as poss: I was worried about my son from birth but told that I was probably suffering from post natal depression, which I had had severely in the past….I protested but to no avail and then thought they might be right. I was also feeling ill and in a lot of pain but this again was put down to depression. Five months after his birth I was rushed into hospital with a huge cyst on my fallopian tube, whilst recovering from the op, my daughter was involved in a road traffic accident which two days later proved fatal. I had had to very suddenly give up breastfeeding my son as they told me the high dosage of antibiotics I was on would harm him. I felt as if I was going completely mad myself as it was such a nightmare and tbh I have never recovered BUT everything that was subsequently wrong with me or my son was put down to me being depressed. Illnesses were not properly diagnosed and people felt I was too soft with my son who displayed behaviour that worried me. When I sought help I was given *that* smile….it was only years later and I saw a programme about Munchausens by Proxy that I realised that this was probably what I was believed to be suffering from. My son was finally diagnosed as having learning difficulties at age 11, after years of me asking for him to be assessed but it wasnt long afterwards that we began HE. I have worried that I was out of my depth trying to teach him and worried that someone would come knocking on the door and take either him or me away. So, yes I have been quite seriously mentally ill, I have been at times incompetent BUT I tell you this, he learnt more with me than he ever did at school and he was finally happy once away from school. His fears and phobias started to subside too. I always feel that when I tell my story that I may be seen as attention seeking [MBP?] so I hope you dont mind Merry but you just touched me so deepely by what you wrote. ((((((hugs)))))) luv Neenaw x
I am absolutely frozen with horror that you amazing people could ever have been suspected of trying to harm your children.
It has made me more determined to fight this evil vile government and the beneath-contempt utter filth like Badman who can kick people who are loving, caring parents when they are down.
I try not to wish anyone harm, but… I’m sorely tempted, believe me.
Danae
http://www.threedegreesoffreedom.blogspot.com
Well guys, I feel and understand your despair. This is horrible, what you are all living through. But Jax is right, you have to keep fighting, and truth and right will be enough, in the end. I really believe that. You will get through this.
SO far as i know, in as much as i just looked at her in horror said “but i don’t” and then tried to forget it, i believe their concern was that i was attention seeking, having had Fran in and out of hospital for her first 18 months. I think they thought i might be trying to get people looking at Maddy so i had attention and people around me, rather than that they believed i was actually harming her. But although it makes it less scary than what the others have been through (and oh my god, i can’t believe some of those stories 🙁 ) it is all a moot point if you’ve been looked at for something that women have lost their children because of.
It is truly depressing though – never in all the time i have had my children has anyone thought they were less than lovely and happy and we’ve never been called into question. Our LEA man was more than happy with us but all these unfounded rumours against our community really, really depress me 🙁
You wonderful caring parents have got to accept that Badman is the one with the problem, for him to assume a parent voluntarily taking responsibility for their child’s well being has to be mentally ill does not reflect on home educators it reflects on him. If a home educator had a crisis they would be enveloped by people ready to give their all , unconditional love and support would be spontaneous and sustained.
I wouldn’t wish anybody the hell of wrongful allegations but I can attest to the above being true.
We are a community a community that cherishes and values it’s young they not only fear us they despise us for making them look in the mirror and reflect on their own parenting
Sadly BTDT with H. It wasn’t till she almost bled to death from her tumour that anyone took me seriously.THE HV even asked if I had enjoyed the attention I had during my prgnancy and was sad when it stopped. And no one ever apologised for the misdiagnosis of BOTH of us in that most awful year of my life.
If you do not have a relatIonship with your doctor that is one of absolute trust, then that person is bit your doctor. Any doctor that will not deal with you himsekf when something is wrong should not be trusted. Also, you should never EVER allow a ‘health visitor’ into your house. These people are not medical practitioners, but are in fact spies.
You should know your doctor for years, and you should be able to predict their every move as you would a relative. I fear that the NHS has so corrupted the relationship between doctor and patient and the patients expectation of what a doctor is that abuses like this are probably common.
You were abused by this doctor and the health visitor. They examined you without your permission; a clear violation of your person.
If this sad story tells anyone anything its that you should only use private doctors, and never use the NHS unless it’s is an emergency. The more intimate the problem the greater is the need for private medicine and the privacy you get with it. Also, when you pay for something, you get what you pay for; if your daughter is acting strangely and you want to fond out what is wrong with her, a private doctor will look after HER because that is what you want, and it is what you are paying for.
O am very sorry to read this story. Thatnk you fir sharing it. I hope that everyone who reads it takes away this important lesson!
my heart goes out to you, and to the people here.
We have to keep telling everyone, and as many people as possible, that education comes in many forms, and many sizes, and we are in charge of shaping it for the future.
I do not believe it is a school vs home ed argument anymore; it is about creating a wide range of educational options, choices and freedoms so that we can build the best education for each of these unique children. the badman proposals are based simply on state and not state and i won’t have it; i reject that as simplistic, outdated, an anomoly.
but where ever we’re coming from, it’s worth keeping going, putting our opinions across, and keeping up the pressure.
A.S. runs in my family & both my son & my half brother were subject to every kind of insult & mis-diagnosis by both those who were supposedly professionals in the field (Doctors, specialist social workers, child psyc… etc) and those who had no place trying to make diagnosis of any kind (teachers, HVs, school assistants etc…)
I don’t doubt for a moment that if they could make the mud stick, those same ill informed & over opinionated individuals would jump at the chance of having all of us crazy care-too-much mums separated from our ‘school phobic’ being-taught-not-to-conform kids…
“they not only fear us they despise us for making them look in the mirror and reflect on their own parenting”… not to mention their own morals & ideologies about life in general Elaine, unfortunately I don’t think it is just Badman who feels this way… just that he’s just the only one stupid enough to speak it out loud- scary!
Another slice of ‘witch-hunt’ anyone?
xx
I feel for you all – the suggestion that parents who care enough to home educate (or have the temerity to ask for help) are potentially mentally ills is a disgraceful smear.
Sadly such methods reflect the socialist mindset of this administration with its tendency to rely on innuendo and fear to discredit and control those who don’t subscribe to its dogmatic, authoritarian world-view. Time and time again we have seen their refusal to accept scientific evidence when it does not support party-policy.
Such actions are, in my humble opinion (if that is still allowed), reminiscent of the Stalinist misuse of psychiatry to frame, shame and detain dissidents. It is a deeply worrying development that is symptomatic of a desperate, “do anything and whatever it takes” government.
However, you must realise that you are seen by the bureaucrats as subversives, non-conformists, radicals and potential revolutionaries. You show a marked unwillingness to submit your families to state control – you resist standardised education and encourage your children in independent thought – such actions are a danger to a centralised state since there is no telling what dangerous concepts you might support – concepts such as liberty, justice, and truth.
Blessing for freedom to choose and freedom of thought.
Father Ignatius Brown.
Merry, it is appalling that this was used as an opening gambit and suggests that ‘anything goes’ in the personal campaign to end the option of HE.
From your personal story although unimaginably awful to be in such a situation, it is surely an example of the health service acting as it should and putting child protection at the top of its agenda, making the necessary assessments and arriving at the appropriate conclusions which included onward referral to the appropriate professionals who had the luxury of more time and who were able to help.
Although I am not a GP or health visitor, it does not take much to imagine the situation: you are in a busy surgery and see a new patient in your allotted 7 minute consultation. She is a young mother. Her first child has/d significant physical problems which require/d a great deal of input from health professionals. The very regular contact from this has just come to an end. She is heavily pregnant again with a third child. (about to have 3 children under the age of 5yrs). She has a history of mental health problems. She has recently moved house (one of life’s major stresses). You have made no comment about the strength or otherwise of local support (lost or newly gained) or any marital issues, but I’m sure both of would need to be taken into consideration. She talks to you about difficult behavioural problems with child no. 2 which you obviously have no chance of forming any judgement on in your dwindling few minutes of the consultation. You do not have a preexisting relationship with this woman so can only go on what she tells you and possibly the little detail that is in her medical records.
This scenario clearly raises at least 4 alarm bells and as part of the list of potential causes of the child’s problem would reasonably require an assessment of the mother. The first cause to be ruled out surely has to be the most serious and in this situation would be one of deliberate harm.
Imagine such a scenario where the doctor did not consider that there may be a child welfare issue. Bookshops are lined with the grim tales of children who were not noticed by the system and were subjected to years of undescribable horror. There was justifiable outcry over recent cases of neglect and cruelty which hadn’t been picked up by the health care teams. It seems a fine line to tread and I’m very glad I don’t have to be making any of those judgement calls. Health care workers have to look beyond what they are told and not take everything at face value. There are already too many who are not spotted, how many more would there be if these people stopped thinking? Sometimes you have to think the unthinkable as sadly it is the truth. You may know it is not you who is the problem but a stranger does not and anything no matter how unlikely is possible.
It is difficult to convey tone through e mail so please don’t take offence at the above. I am not trying to make light of your experience in any way but sometimes looking at a situation from the opposite side, which is difficult if you are in the middle, can throw a little sense and clarity that may have previously been overlooked.
No, i do see your point – but i think it is odd to start from that point, rather than from the point of view that maybe i am a normal parent who knows her child needs some help. Surely suspicion ought to be triggered by some suggestion of an issue rather than a default thing to rule out first.
After all, just imagine this scenario – a mother has a baby and chooses to return to work after 6 weeks, putting baby into childcare 8-6 monday to friday. Mother is immediately put on suspicion of emotional child neglect and failure to bond and her parenting is reviewed by an HV, without telling her why, with regard to the possibility she might neglect and abuse that child because she doesn’t want to be with it all day? THAT scenario won’t happen of course, and yet to lots of the people i know, not wanting to stay at home with that long awaited baby seems far odder than wanting to be there.
As for it being a reason for home educating – definitely, definitely beneath contempt.
I’m afraid I cannot and will not accept that we need to consider guilt (and prove otherwise), before we presume innocence. And I’m not even going to write any more, or I may explode.
I know that MBP is about the attention seeking and that any harm that may come to the child is not the intention but this shows that the parent is not considering the child and it’s wellbeing and happiness. Why would anyone presume or even consider a happy child to be the subject of this sort of abuse? Oh of course, they must think that we force them to look happy….which is why they must be allowed to enter our homes and see them without us present…….it’s so ridiculously ludicrous!!!!!! Does Badman think it’s a plague or something?
Since I began home educating I have learnt so much about narrow mindedness, intolerance, suspicion, ignorance, smugness, condescension and paranoia from uncomprimising people, frightened of change or unwilling to even imagine that the “system” isn’t alright as it is. I have seen that look of suspicion on the faces of people when you mention you are HEing.
I have also met, in the HE community, some of the most wonderful people I have ever known in my life and am endlessly thankful that I made the decision to HE. I have also been delighted to be able o inform people of what HE is all about and have had some brilliant responses.
Although my son is now no longer at 20, going to be subject to any changes that may occur in HE [unless he has children and HEs them] I will try to help and support everyone who will be affected.
We mustn’t let them win!
It’s not an odd starting point as it is not the starting point. I’m not saying that we have to consider people guilty until we prove innocence but that all options need to be considered even if it is rejected immediately. It is what is known as a ‘differential diagnosis’, recognising that there may be more than one possible explanation or cause for a situation. It is when the more unpleasant options are not considered, through ignorance or fear, that you leave yourself exposed to criticism and litigation. Healthcare professionals have been pushed by society into practicing defensive medicine whereby you not only have to think every possibility but be seen to be doing so and have concrete documented evidence that all avenues have been explored so that you can justify your decisions and conclusions in court. That’s just how it works now.
In your experience there surely was suspicion of an issue – at least 4 ‘red flags’ that you mentioned which is why I assume the assessment procedure was triggered. And a suspicion is all people have to go on. Reading the papers people who harm children often present as ‘normal’ that is how they can get away with it for so long. How can these situations be discovered if professionals are not aware of the possibilities and act when concerns are raised? Doctors and social workers up and down the country I’m sure would love to have a way of knowing who is and isn’t causing their child harm but unless people confess up front, active awareness and healthy scepticism is as good as it gets.
I don’t follow your scenario of putting a baby into nursery. How would a HV or GP know what hours a mother is working vs childcaring? Who would put them under suspicion? Are you suggesting that all nurseries would report attendance figures to the local surgery for surveillance or that working mothers are more likely to emotionally negect their children than stay at home mums?
Many women are forced to return to work earlier than they would like because of the poor maternity packages that many receive. If they are the breadwinner of the family then there is little choice but to return after only a short period of time since statutory pay is minimal. Not everyone is lucky enough to be able to work from home or have their husband take on extra workload. Not everyone can take extended time off even if they wanted to especially in a job where they need to keep updated with current changes etc, meaning that taking a break until all children are school age, or uni age if HEing, is practically impossible. Perhaps if society demanded women to give up work when they got married and concentrated on bringing up a large family… But we’ve tried that and our grandparents found it was hardly utopia.
You also assume that all women want babies in the same way that you do. Many, many do but sadly not all babies are long-awaited, expected or even wanted. Not all women are born to be mother earth figures and many struggle to bond. Many resent their children for lots of different reasons. Many feel they need a balance of work and family life. Neither staying at home full time or going to work full time is odd. Everyone is an individual and has to make the decision that is right for them and their family at the time but just because you go to work doesn’t mean you love your children any the less than those who stay at home. You could argue that neglect would be worse for the child of a stay at home mum since they get not respite from it whereas at least at nursery or in another form of childcare there are interested adults to interact with and make some of the day an enjoyable experience.
All that aside, which is an interesting debate but way off your original point, using MBP as a starting position as to the reason why people opt for HE seems ill informed, inappropriate and unbelievably crass. Fingers crossed Mr Badman will not be in a position to continue making such remarks for much longer.
First of all, i am sorry my blog moderates some people repeatedly and not others – it isn’t intentional but i can’t seem to over rule it.
For a second, i’m not going to end up arguing with another health professional over this – it happened 8-9 years ago and is old for me and wasn’t affected by the current Baby P type scenarios.
However, i disagree strongly that a starting point for any mother, whether one who had issues forced on her previously or not, should be to rule out that they are mentally ill, as opposed to think “here is a mother who knows her child and is worried so let us see what needs to be done to help, even if she is actually just imagining it.” I refuse to believe that it is anything but a waste of time and resources to automatically assume the worst case scenario needs to be decided on first, not least because that then becomes a subjective piece of weaponry in the hands of the wrong or ill-judging hands. Like Dr Meadow.
My nursery example is purely this. At the moment we have a culture which fears people who want to spend time with their children and who attack people who dare to go for help – the stories above are clear. So IMAGINE the alternative – imagine the finger swinging so that mothers who don’t want to spend time with their children are the ones referred to HVs for oddity and suspicion. IMAGINE that it isn’t considered odd to be at home with children but IS odd to not be. At the moment we (HEers/SAHMs) get all this surveillance and suspicion because they (the govt) argue that they cannot tell the difference between people who do and don’t mean harm in our own, similar, scenario.
Now imagine yourself under suspicion – you (generically, not you personally) may have returned to work when your baby is 6 weeks old. The government have decided that may mean you suffer from Hippo Syndrome by Proxy which is a syndrome that affects women who don’t like their babies and so go back to work, going against nature and bonding principles (imaginary). They can’t tell, (and they don’t feel your word is good enough), if you want to go back or need to go back for money reasons. Therefore they assess you for a mental illness – guilty until you prove yourself innocent – only whether you are innocent or not is in the hands of a HV who may have her own working mother agenda – she may like or hate working mothers and your future depends on it.
Should you be assessed purely because you made a legally valid choice to return to work? Or should you be allowed to live your life, having done no wrong or should you have to prove yourself innocent. And if, for example, having gone back to work for whatever reason, you find it is all a bit harder and more emotional than you imagined and you really don’t have a choice but to continue and you and your baby need some help to find a way through. You could struggle on, or you could go to the doctor or your HV and ask to talk it over and get another perspective. You know you are okay really, but it is all hurting a bit and you want some support because you fear if you don’t ask now, you won’t be coping and someone might spot it and report you and then you will be deemed a bad parent. But low and behold, the doctor has you assessed for Giraffe Syndrome, a syndrome of working mothers who can’t order their life properly and get a work/home balance sorted out.
Feeling trapped yet? 🙁
Your question – why would an HV know what what hours we were working says it all to me really. They don’t – yet. But the way the pendulum has swung against us, wanting nothing more than to be with our children and give them a good education, when there is no evidence of abused HE kids, then i fear to think where it will swing next. Not against working mothers, i bet, but only because the economy needs them.
The nursery example wasn’t against you Sarah, merely an example of the opposite of me.
Merry I’m not taking any of this personally and not making personal comments in return. I’m trying to explain how and why the system works, whether or not you (generically) agree with how it does so. I’m obviously not explaining myself clearly so will admit defeat and retire gracefully before causing further unintended upset.
On a frivolous note, I would love someone to organise my life and sort out work/life balance as the patient population and their families that I deal with daily seem determined (unintentionally obviously) to do their utmost to exhaust me emotionally as well as physically and there are never enough hours in the day or doctors available to take off the pressure meaning I never seem to get a break from terrible situations and horrible decisions from start to finish.
Dear Sarah, i am really sorry that your career is that hard on you. As one of my very closest friends is a hospital consultant dealing with the lives of women and babies every day of her life, i can only sympathise with you as i do with her. But i presume that you, like her, choose not to leave it behind – i could never do her job because it would break me – but she does and for all it sometimes seems to break her too, she goes back and back because the job she loves and is good at and makes a difference doing, means so much to her.
When i was running the business full time as well as HEing, i frequently came to bits trying to juggle everything – it just seemed impossible. So i had to stop – and was lucky to be able to do so but before i knew that was going to work out, i had decided to shut down the thing i had worked so hard on because it was beyond me.
Parenting is different – i am bitterly, bitterly afraid that this thing i do which i love and which i invest my heart and soul in, every day and minute of my life without break or respite, whether my children are nice to me and appreciate me or not, might get taken away from me – purely because people fear my choice to try and do it well, full time and without interference. This is my career now and it is my right, my duty and my responsibility to do it and do it well and i ask for nothing in return. But what i get is smears of abuse, criticism and a suggestion i need to be inspected and moderated for wanting to do it and that there is something intrinsically odd with me for wanting it to be as it is.
welcome to our world sarah 😉 … trust me, we understand exactly how it is not to be understood or empathized with from each of our individual perspectives…
“never seem to get a break from terrible situations and horrible decisions from start to finish”.. yep that sounds pretty much like what we are going through as HEers atm… thing is it’s more than a job/career/vocation to us…. it is our whole lives & those of our kids at stake when a ‘professional’ whoat the end of a hard days work has been left feeling that their patients “seem determined (unintentionally obviously) to do their utmost to exhaust (them) emotionally as well as physically and (that) there are never enough hours in the day or doctors available to take off the pressure”… is the person about to make a value judgement on YOU, YOUR CHILDREN & YOUR LIFE which could have far reaching & potentially disastrous effects.
So i do not think merry, or any of us are ‘taking it personally or making personal comments in return’… but merely juxtaposing the issues you mention to highlight how important it is that the fear of “criticism and litigation” not to mention ‘differential diagnosis’ based upon fear & prejudice are not at the fore of the minds/actions of ANY of the health professionals that a parent comes to & bravely asks for help.
Hi Maddy,
I have a parallel experience I blogged about in response to Paula Rothermel’s memorandum. see here http://salamanda.wordpress.com/2009/11/05/evidence-to-the-select-committe-published/
((()))
Sally
In more detail: http://sallyll1000.wordpress.com/2007/10/21/why-peak-practice-sent-shivers-through-my-spine-and-those-old-programmes-with-starchy-matrons-and-subservient-patients-calling-the-doctor-doctor-and-apologising-with-their-full-body-language-for/
spamming you now, unintentionally. This may be better than the second one.
http://sallyll1000.wordpress.com/2004/10/07/did-you-see-the-news-prof-david-southall-our-daughters-paediatrician/