While i know i’ll jinx it now and then our holiday next week will stuff it up further, i thought i would comment on the fact that we’ve reached a milestone here. Not one i’m completely sure i relish, though i do like having more sleep.
It isn’t that long since Fran stopped being a regular visitor to our bed; she co-slept, against my wishes, right from the beginning and it has only been since we moved here that it has become less frequent. Before that, even as a 7 year old, she would be tucked up under Max’s arm most mornings. She was always too clever to get in my side, i sleep too lightly and get too hot and would send her back. Maddy has never come into our bed; even at 3 days old she would wriggle away from me and she sleeps very deeply and is quite happy to be in her own space.
Amelie was always so itchy that she used to lie in the middle of us and we’d apply cream to her half the night. She is a complete bag of bones and drives me slightly mad when she sleeps in between us; it’s all elbows and knees all night. But until the last week or two she was in most nights, very ably getting into the middle of us without waking us up and then spending the rest of the night working us both out to the edge while she starfished in the centre. Amelie breathes loudly and when she leaves the room, Josie notices, wakes up – and follows. Then we end up with one wriggly bag of elbows and one extremely grumpy, sleep like the dead type – and i end up leaving and finding somewhere else to sleep.
The last few weeks i’ve suddenly noticed a change; Amelie is sleeping through in her own bed, Josie is waking up much more rarely and suddenly i’;m awake at 5am because i’ve had as much sleep as i’m used to! Even more bizarrely, i appear to be waking up actually next to Max for the first time in 10 years. I suppose with Josie heading very fast towards being 4 now and Amelie nearly 6 1/2, it was very much on the cards but it does feel odd to not be littered with people every morning. I seem to have more energy for it and i’m definitely more cuddly through the day, having had a bit of time off at night.
I don’t regret the accidental slip into co-sleeping that happened, in fact my only regret is that i tried to persuade Fran out of it as a toddler. She was so miserable on her own and i listened too hard to what stupid child rearing ‘gurus’ had to say. Fran is the only one who has had sleeping issues, either going to bed or staying in bed from a sensible age. Maddy always had the option open to her (but her bed is her bed, that’s the rules and that is how it should be) and Amelie’s unbearable eczema was really only made okay by having her in with us. I wouldn’t have had it any other way with Josie, who was a dream to move gradually into her own domain. We never had problems with settling her or getting her to stay in bed – and if she wanders at night, so what? I don’t like sleeping on my own, i don’t see why they should have to. Overall i’ve probably had a lot more sleep for co-sleeping than i’d have lost traipsing up and down stairs and corridors to them and everyone seems to have grown out of it naturally enough. Between the 4 of them, they seem to be proof that co-sleeping doesn’t end with teenagers in your bed anyway!
Edit: So far, 1 wailing Josie and 1 wet bed from Amelie!
Hannah suddenly stopped coming into sleep about 18 months ago. I felt quite bereft for a while. She still sometimes comes in in the morning for a cuddle, but doesn’t stay long. I still sort of miss it – and she only very reluctantly shared a bed with me (Bob wasn’t there) in a travel inn a few weeks back. Humph.
It’s no secret I don’t like it. I don’t mind at all having a child with me if they’re unwell – in fact when they’re poorly, my preference is to chuck BN out and drag child in.
But – I never liked it with the babies – and if they come in too early in the morning, they get sent packing! 😆
well, I love it. whilst TTC I would dream of having a 2 year old snuggled in my arm, and have been more than happy. both can wriggle to all ways, and having both in is only a prob cos i have to hold onto the side.
i will voluntarily sleep with SB in her bed when she asks too.
Thanks Merry, having had a sudden bout of small child invading the bed reacently it’s good to know it’s still “normal-ish” I’d probably quite enjoy it if she didn’t wriggle so much you know!
JA always slept in his own bed, JI, although he always went to bed in his own, unitl he was well over 4 he almost always woke up in ours and neither of us ever knew when our how he came to be there (lol). A – own bed until morning, P own bed until early hours, E always own bed, C creeps (difficult now seen as we sleep in a loft bed) in with us if ever he wakes in the night and ALWAYS early in the morning – and lies there waiting quietly/nagging for more juice!. N at the moment is in a cot, so we will wait and see when the bars come down what he does! He currently disturbs us never, and sleeps happily and soundly in with his big bro’
Each of ours has been different, but the co-sleeping has always happened when the bars come off the cot 😉
funny how it goes isn’t it? no 4 son I kicked out at only 4 months because I couldn’t take him kicking me in the stomach any more (HARD!) no’s two and three were fine, can’t even remember the details!
little girl? finally moved the cot in with two of her bros when she was 8mths because I couldn’t take being woken at 4 anymore, or her waking at 11pm and being raring to go. She’s slept like a log all night ever since! If she ever is restless, it’s between 6pm and 9pm.
I should add that girl was a dream to cuddle all night, it was just her wriggling too early inthe morning that got her evicted,
and I’m VERY GRUMPY if woken in the night, even if for legitamet reasons (nose bleed, nightmare)
the kids all go to daddy.
and 7yrold dealt with nosebleed clear up himself recently because ‘well, mummy gets grumpy if she gets woken up’
🙁 yes, i was properly mortified!
“including sleeping all over the house and watching teletubbies at 3am…” oh god, us too. In fact, we used to strap fran in her car seat and put her in front of teletubbies at 3am… i was such a bad mother…
That was a nice piece, Merry. I think people finding their way through sleep issues always benefit from reading how other people have done things. It’s been years (7?) since anyone got in our bed but, I think, if I was doing it all again (which, thank god, I’m not!) I’d go with as much co-sleeping as possible. People certainly seem to get more sleep that way. We did just about everything when the kids were little, including sleeping all over the house and watching teletubbies at 3am…
Tbird Anni – me too. TB used to be fine, didn’t really care about sleeping in our bed at all. In the past few weeks though he’s moved in at about 4 every morning, plonking himself in the middle of the bed and rapidly pushing me out!
I am obviously just too mean and strict! 🙂
I usually still wake up kind of uncomfortable because Buttercup’s in bed with us. Occasionally still Ernest as well. I do sleep better when they don’t though!
We’re a few years the right side of it now but for the first 3 years of S’s life she was awake in the night and often ended up with us. D was quicker to get out of the habit but still always sleeps with me if Ady isn’t home (which I really like – I enjoy another person breathing and being warm next to me :)).