Mother can keep birth a secret.
Now, the father bit i don’t know anything about really, so i won’t presume to comment but what business is it of anyones to try and force an adult woman to tell her parents about a baby if she doesn’t want to? AM i missing something? And what has it got to do with Families Need Fathers? They weren’t in a relationship, presumably they never would be, even given the advent of a child and if the child is adopted, presumably there is every chance it WILL have a father. I don’t get it.
I think it’s a bit sad. If she is going to have it adopted, I think it would be ‘nice’ if the father were given the option of bringing it up. But ultimately, I do believe it has to be her choice.
i think part of the adoption process is seeing whether there are alternative carers within the family who would be willing to bring up the child, and this is seen as best practice. i imagine this is why there was a push for parental involvement – as possible alternative carers, and also for the father.
As to whether this should ever have proceeded to a court case…
fwiw, if chris had had a child by a one night stand [prior to us meeting, otherwise no further one night stands possible…] and he became aware that there was a child up for adoption, i would imagine he would have seriously considered bringing up the child, and probably would have.
This ‘father’ albeit in genetics only may also be similarly minded
i think when the mother doesn’t wish to bring up the child, it is important to look for the alternatives. i think the ethics behind compelling are dodgy though. i also think that alternative related cares who chose not to bring up the child should not be then allowed to impede adoption – something perhaps this mother was concerned about. and a generous dollop of counselling was hopefully given.
Looking at this from several angles here….
If it were me at that age then I wouldn’t have wanted my parents to know. It was bad enough their reaction to me being a married woman having a baby (and most decisions I’ve made since but hey ho) I would not have wanted my child to be brought up by them for 2 reasons 1) I know what it’s like to be brought up by them….. 2) it would be a stick to beat me with and held over the child too (be grateful, you aren’t ours, you were the stupid mistake of your mother, don’t make the same mistakes she did)
When it comes to the father, well, maybe the woman felt that he wasn’t suitable and didn’t want him to interfere with her child being placed into a (hopefully) loving stable family? Maybe she was protecting him? Was he married maybe? We don’t have any facts really so we can’t know.
But then, I’m an adoptee. I would love to know something, anything about where i came from. Having some sort of information about a father would be nice, even if it’s just a name. I dont’ think I’d want that information if it came at a cost to someone though.
I’d guess it was fairly possible that a) she knows something about her parents that means she doesn’t want them to (a la T-bird’s stance) or b) she knows her life is over if they do. Maybe she knows she can’t do it, but she knows that the physical reminder of her decision would be too much to bear if the child remained in her family. After all, she didn’t have to go throguh with the pregnancy at all, it’s a very 19/20 year old thing to feel you must preserve life rather than choose not to. This is a person at the start of their adulthood, it’s a hell of a choice.
I’d be absolutely f***ing furious is pcness meant my parents could be informed of something like that above my head, in fact, it would leave me with only one option instead and it wouldn’t be having a baby. Which hadn’t occurred to me when i posted but now the phrase “rock and hard place” definitely springs to mind.
well, they still can’t be informed without your permission. which i believe to be the right judgement. but i have no idea why the case went to court. i don’t work in that area, but would imagine it would be extremely unlikely in the majority of cases that seeking the courts permission to break the permissions and ‘rights’ of the mother involved would be considered. so yes, justice is served.
there are interesting ethical issues there, however, in the broader sense. and i think society has gone so far away from the chattel position of wives and children, that perhaps the consideration of fathership is undervalued. that we automatically think of children in the view of the mother – note the legal case over the IVF embryos of a split couple. morals and ethics are always fluid, situation and time specific. my moral and ethical stance is unlikely to be my great grandaughters!
I think there will be a swing away from parental rights to children’s rights next, which will indeed mean that potentially the father and grandparents are then involved, hopefully, though with great thought, consideration and safeguards for all individuals involved and more of a holistic view of family
I think that there is a clear, moral difference between the rights of biological parents and the rights of grandparents. I don’t assume that I’ll have any rights over my children’s children (should they have any). Of course, I hope they will want me involved in those children’s lives – but I can’t assume. I wouldn’t want the kind of relationship where I made such assumptions.
When it comes to biological parents’ rights then it is tricker, IMO. The child is biologically related to him and I think it is best if all people involved in a birth (parents of all kinds and children) share as much info as there is about how that person came to be. Unless there are serious dangers involved in doing that. Sometimes it’s not possible of course.
But, also, if they had a one night stand, and he had no reason to assume that she had taken care of contraception, then maybe he should have checked after the event?
Re not having to go through with the pregnancy, in the article I read, it said that she had found out at a ‘late stage’. Didn’t say how late, but I guess that would have at least had an impact on the decision to terminate or not, if not made it even more difficult or even impossible.
Very sad story for everyone involved though.