Bemused of Boringborough.

Ugh. Feeling a bit flat today, not sure why. Weather, perhaps?

Maddy and i both have headaches and Joey has kept me up a good bit of the last couple of nights and i’m now thoroughly confused as she appears to have a tongue covered in the same spots as Amelie got after eating the biscuits. So now i’m wondering if i’ve been bluffed and they both have a virus and the tongue just looked like it did after the nuts but was actually just stinging because it was sick and being irritated by an otherwise innocuous biscuit. Where’s the wall banging emoticon when you need it? Actually, where is the wall banging emoticon? Do you have to install them into every theme? I’ll have to go and root around in the ftp thingy.

Also confused by the fact that my children pester me for attention during the 90 minutes of early morning where i do something else, then ignore me and have a billion things to do when i come free for them at 10am? I find this a bit frustrating; i’ve got loads i want to do with them but somehow they get immersed in games, play and business in the garden just when i get to a point where i’d like to interact (i’m so not a morning person!)

I’m not sure what this is and the problem is that while i’m perfectly comfortable with my child-led but parent-orgainised learning structure, i also want them to have a childhood they remember with affection and happiness – and that rather stops me from breaking up fun for ‘work’ given i know that just sets us off on a negative path anyway. But if i fit ‘learning’ into times when they are bored, arguing or fractious, then it isn’t great either. So little time, so many egos to pander to 🙂

Oh well, it isn’t so bad really; i did have a very odd conversation with Maddy the other day though. We were all sat round at dinner and she was in the new school dress, asking if she could play out in it later. In a sudden odd moment of wondering if she was trying to tell me something, i asked her if she wanted to try school. There was a bit of initial conversation, some thoughts from her that maybe she would in a while, then she seemed to try frantically to read our feelings on it and started to say she go now “if we wanted her to”. I was desperately trying not to backpeddle, while wishing i’d never said anything and not wanting to pressure her, then suggested she consider it over the summer and go in the autumn if she wanted, whereat she dissolved into tears, i *think* because she desperately didn’t want to go but being a people pleaser she was saying what she, for some reason, thought we wanted to hear. At least, i ‘m fairly sure it was that and not that she grasped at an offered straw and was devastated when i withdrew it slightly. I confess to not exactly being sure of it.

She and i went up for some quiet time and cuddles and she staunchy denies wanting to go to school. What she does want is for me to always remember the things that we talk about doing and always do them. So i’ve promised to remember and we’re going to have a list of things we want to find out about and tick them off.

She and i did some reading together today and i helped her and Fran make a word game using all the th- words and they played that together. Fran and i did some maths (Fran’s going through a forgetton-everything-i-ever-knew phase) and she read some stuff, Maddy did some guitar and Amelie did some writing and Studydog. Maddy’s now finished her paid for Studydog – i do like seeing 100% completed on a resource… doesn’t happen often!

I had a business meeting at lunch time and have now joined the local Business group, which feels like rather an investment, but i think will be very good for me and BM. It’s a 600+ strong group of businesses that mentor and support one another, meeting fortnightly for talks, seminars and networking. Feels like the push i need to get more organised and i’m still awestruck by Amazon – i’ve sold 45 items there in the last week, over 4 times as much as before i got my named account. Mentally different. In fact, the last few days, it’s been busier than BM in terms of customer numbers, if not sales value. All good stuff.

Fran and i sat for an hour or so this afternoon going through a “What’s happening to me?” book and talking about all ‘that stuff’ and she’s now well and truly up to speed on all required bits of knowledge. At 3 stone 12, i suspect she’s a good way off needing to know it for herself, but i’m glad she won’t get caught out in conversations with older kids at camps and things now, anyway. Plus, with any luck, she’ll fill the rest of them in and i won’t have to explain ‘sex just for fun’ to any of the others! 😉 Usborne books weren’t like that in my day…. *good mummy pat on back*

Ballet restarted today… please tell me i’m not supposed to know what a petite-jete is?