Got no title

Can’t think of one anyway.

Yesterday morning got all thrown out by the router clamming up on me. Took a tediously long time to fix and threw everything; Maddy couldn’t get on EC, neither could Fran, nor could she do Florence, i couldn’t stamp my orders. Oh it all went wrong. And of course fixing it took forever. But eventually i did, while muttering unladylike thoughts at my technology and wondering if i had my feng shui wrong. (AC:WW has gone a bit far now, i drove past someones garden yesterday, looked at their purple flowers and thought “hey, they have hybrids!!!” 🙄 )

Eventually we sorted ourselves and in the meantime Maddy had done a load of drawing, Fran and i had spent ages making up equivalent fractions with my fraction circles, maths blocks and paper. We had a ball and she really did well; we looked at fractions of numbers (1/5 of 250 and so on) used mental division, finding starting places from multiplication tables and then adding 0’s to both sides to get up to a bigger number, splitting into half and then into 1/4’s and we even added up some fractions. It all just seemed to roll along nicely; i was enjoying myself! Every so often i would ask if she really got it and she was clearly totally confident to say yes. It felt great. We worked all the way through the CGP workbook for year 3 and it was easily in her capabilities; going to print off the MEP stuff for tomorrow. I love the fact that fractions, if you talk about sweets and cakes, is easy peasy!!! 🙂

Amelie slept through all that but in the afternoon they just played in the sprinkler – how lovely just to be able to down tools and play in the first sun of the summer. They did plant the tomatoes for me, which was great, so hopefully those will get going now.

In the evening i had a lovely time lying on my bed with Maddy. She told me she wanted to write a book that was 1000 pages long; when i asked what it was going to be about she said it was the story of a girl called Beth and how she discovered what happened to her father when he died. On further questioning she told me he died of old age (!) which i suggested she might struggle to stretch out to 1000 pages, she then she expanded a bit and it ended up as Beth’s father died so she moved in with her boyfriend who was the son of a powerful wizard and called Tim (!); her father had been killed by a bad warrior called Branda who just liked to kill but in the end they killed him and then they found a potion to give to all the dead people to bring them back to life.

I liked it 🙂

Today Fran did some stuff from a 7-8 quick tests book; she came unstuck on some decimal stuff, which we haven’t done yet, but it might fit with fractions, so we may do it soon. Maddy spent ages on EC and wrote me a list of the games that are too easy and she wants to be swapped. Amelie has played with tiny dress up dolls all day and Josie has slept, being grumpy and full of snot. She has perfected “mummeeee…milk!” while pulling at my top, which is too endearing to say no to really, however much i find it slightly freaky 😕

And me, i’m back on a gentle slope up, i think, after 2 weeks of feeling very down indeed, thoguh how long the up will last i have no idea. Always good to have a real full on blub, sometimes i just feel like a pressure-cooker waiting for that funny valve on top to start whistling. Hate hormones really, hate nameless blue feelings, hate being half of myself, hate having secrets about myself that i can’t find the words to frame. Hate, hate, hate the fact that i am incapable of giving myself a break ever and that somehow whatever happens in my life i always feel like i’ve got no right to feel the way i do. Really wish sometimes that i could just be reborn and get a chance to start over all again and reprogramme myself as someone who cared less, felt less, thought less and very definitely cried less. Will be very glad when this particularly surreal part of my life has faded back into the murky swish of colours that the past becomes, without any jagged edges that hurt.

How long till we go camping? 😕