By tomorrow i need to have packed up my business, packed the kids and packed anything i’m likely to need for 3 weeks.
I’ve had a nice day today; downloaded some music, made a couple of cds for the journey, taken the kids ice-skating, had my mum and dad over (briefly, their neighbour phoned to say their alarm had gone off so they had to drive the 60 miles home after only 2 hours here 🙁 ), played with the kids, read loads of books with Maddy, helped Fran finish her cottage cross-stitch, snoozed a bit, read a bit more of Midnight’s Children (which incidentally seems to develop a plotline about page 242 and gets much better for it), tried to remember the grammatical name for words like on, in and under, supported Fran while she watches Harry Potter 1 (for the almost first time, i had six weeks of nightmares when someone let her watch it when she was 4 :roll:), managed to remember the name Eva Cassidy (i swear my brain hasn’t recovered from being pregnant this time) etc etc.
Had a kind of magical parenting moment this morning; the girls haven’t skated for a while but had the option for a 40 minute lesson and hour of virtually empty ice time. Maddy tried so hard, skated the whole hour and didn’t moan or whimper, even when she fell really had and hit her head hard enough to knock her hat off. But Fran… she was floating about in her pink trousers and poncho, drifting to the side to check her practise list and really working at the things hse’s been asked to practise. She has grown so much lately, but it took me by surprise to see her so efficient and controlled and patient. Not needing to be kept at it, nagged, reminded; just getting on with the business of working at a sport she enjoys. And it struck me how amazing it is to parent; any regrets i have about my own life, my own childhood, my body, my abilities just fade away into nothing when i see these little people who have come from us becoming able, strong, graceful, self-motivated and complete. Its astounding.
I don’t believe i have too many aspirations as to who my children become; i’d like them to be happy, healthy, with a multitude of experiences and opportunities in their past and present. I’d like to think they’ll make their choices with some guidence but mainly from their heart. i hope they’ll grow up knowing i value them for their successes but not by their successes, that’ll i’ll delight ingreat results but also in efforts, that their career choices will matter for the choice, not the pay grade. That i’ll be as delighted with grandchildren or business suits with no room for maternity leave. I don’t anticipate university as being essential, i don’t believe it’ll be beyond them, i don’t hanker for people who will dance, or be “someone” in theatre like i wasn’t.
When i see them floating round an ice-rink though full of confidence and joy, in a way i know had gone from me forever by the time i was 5, nevermind 7, i know we did the right thing. I know we are doing the right thing. I know this life is right for them, for us, for this family.