“If the next candidate could just come in.. thank you.. take a seat… right, i understand you are here to complete you assessment for your Stage One Motherhood Sash, in readiness for moving on to your Stage Two Sash… excellent, excellent… shouldn’t be a problem, just need to go over the paperwork here.
Right Mrs Raymond, if we could just check off the Badges you’ve achievemd over the past few years, that’ll give us an idea whether you’ve passed the test.
Right. So… okay….
Bad Birth Assault Course – check… I see you have THAT badge tightly sewn on there Mrs Raymond.. well done.
PND Survival – check…
Unexpected Birth Defect Badge – check.. well done, i see you got honours there… excellent, excellent…
Quantity Birthing without due Forethought – no difficulties there anyway…
Education Decision Making Badge – check… oooh, i see you went for a merit there.. marvellous, nothing like effort…
Behavioural Crisis Awareness Badge – lovely, lovely, i do like a mum who goes in for the killer “diagnose my child then please leave us alone approach”… good-oh…
OOOh – i see you played an extra card here.. Distinction for Hospitalised with a Normal Childhood Illness. Excellent. With extra Credits for the Asthma/Eczema combo.
Nice to see you went in for HomeMakers too – so unusual these days to see someone make 4 ATTEMPTS at that one. New house every time.. Goodness…. you ARE brave…
Right.. anything else, oh yes, bonus badge there for discovering Bondaweb, so much less hassle than sewing all these badges on… and of course, you can have the Hat Trick Badge for “Sterling Effort in Topping your own Birth Story each time…” – then of course there is the “Overcoming Bullying without following your mothers example and threatening to garrot the bully” badge (Well done dear, its so hard not to be like mum sometimes…) so that just leaves…
No… heavens no… I’m terribly sorry, you CAN’T have your Motherhood Stage 1 Sash. Oh how embarrassing, i’m afraid there’s been a clerical error… well, you see, you do have to pass the.. erm.. well… *whispers* its the Exterminate the Creepy Crawly Badge…. oh this is dreadful; somehow someone has let you get Practice Module F all the way to age 7 without sending you NITS to deal with. Ahem… dreadful, dreadful…its the staff cuts you know.
Right, what we’ll do is send you a quick dose now, then if you can irradicate that in a week.. you can have your sash. After all, we can’t have Young Practice Module F starting Brownies without you having achieved all your badges…
Now, with the nits, part of passing the badges is you should be as discreet as possible and not tell people.. yes, yes… WHAT??? What do you mean you’ve blogged it???? Oh HONESTLY!!!!!!
