I think this may have been why yesterday was so horrible. I just woke up in one of those “this time 4 weeks ago” moods and felt hopelessly sad for most of the day – “this time 4 weeks ago it was all still going okay…” etc etc – plus i’m sure i just had a really hormonal day, plus Josie was incredibly hungry all day, wouldn’t latch well, fell asleep the minute i got her going and then yelled if i put her down. And i’m just not someone who can cope with that particularly, i like to feed but getting comfy and getting the position right are hard for me, boobs too big i suppose, so doing it over and over again is hard. Earlier in the week i got completely undone by an operating theatre scene in a film and that made be feel a bit fragile, i’ve not really felt like i’m shocked or upset, i suppose i never really expected it to end any way other than it did, but i was surprised that something stupid and barely related on a film made me cry. I was even more surprised that the very last thing i wanted to do was talk about it. Poor Max. I’m sure he must be waiting for the tidal wave to hit but i just don’t have the energy to have a tidal wave. Its easier just not to allow myself to even feel regretful.
The kids wrecked the house and so i yelled at them, they yelled at me, Josie yelled at everyone. The new tv turned up, which fortunately saved the day (wall to wall Disney thereafter) i made a couple of big teddies to complement Tilda’s one, we all ate chocolate. I failed to get anyone out to dancing, or the HE group or Activity World which i had promised them. The last failure being due to me having let the month long vouchers run out two days before; i rang and asked if they would possibly let me use just 3 of them two days out of the dates due to our circumstances of the last month and they refused. Have they not heard of the customer thing where good service wins you 9 customers and bad service can lose you 90? Apparently not. Pah bah humbug. Made me cry. Already pisses me off that i have to pay a £1 entry fee for myself just to sit in the damn place having already paid for 3 kids, so unless they change their mind, i won’t be going again.
Bugger all educational has gone on in several days – however we did get a visit from Kirsty, James, Marcus and Alex today which was delightful. Always nice to see friendly faces – i’ve missed company lately i think. And Max is now making a stand to go over the fireplace so our 28inch new telly will sit on it. MDF rules okay – if i stain it teak will that make it tasteful?