Better.

Maddy first. This issue with nursery, unfortunately, is not that she doesn’t want to go. Its that she would like to go more, except she doesn’t want to miss the things we do on the other day she could go and that she thought if she didn’t go in the taxi, she couldn’t go at all. So now we have agreed the taxi is no longer an option, unless we can somehow train them to be Maddy friendly, we have explained to her she can go and i will take her. Today a nursery teacher picked her up which was fab, i’ll just have to get organised beyond this week i suppose. She had a nice day, having left after throwing her arms around me and saying “thank you for making me happy” (sob) and i’ve had a serious talk with Fran about it all too. The leaving out can’t go on, even if its unintentional. I’ve got to get back into “patient” mode too Tomorrow Maddy and i have a date with a maths book! I’m not remotely convinced its those things she actually wants to do, but it was an expression of “needing attention like that please” so i have to do it. I should have thought more about how such concentrated Fran attention might be making her feel. Max picked her up and she had had a happy day and now has two little friends – so hopefully nursery will continue to be positive.

Then Fran. Somehow, the whole reading/writing thing has left me a bit jaded this week so i suggested we start a new project. I gave her the 10 “I wonder why” books and suggested she chose a topic. And she chose reptiles. Sounds a bit like science to me…. reptiles are not something i know anything about really, so i’ll be doing a brain dump about it – in the meantime we started on the book and read half of it and talked about a few things we could learn. Might struggle to find any reptilian living books i suppose…. She surprised me at the end of that by going off and doing her “normals” – we’ve dumped maths atm as she’ll really get a lot more out of that when she can read the pages better. Actually though i looked at a CGP book today and she WOULD be able to read that now. Anyway, her writing and reading were great again today. The Flying Boot books have been a bit confidence upper for both of us so thanks for that Sarah. Plus she did a complete cycle of the Cloud Nine game and a David and Goliath sticker book, so all in all we seemed to have an okay day; the fact that she got on with a lot of that on her own was quite amazing really – such a change.

Amelie took a big shine to todays visitor, my friend D who i have known since Fran was a few moths old. She used to look after F and M for me a day a week when i worked; the infamous minder who Maddy HATED even at a few weeks old! It was years before Maddy was her friend although Fran adored her. its amazing, the photo album was still out today and we looked at pics of Fran at Ammi’s age, the age Fran was when she was looked after by D. Hardly seems possible… D has boys of Fran and Maddy’s age, plus much older girls but i can hardly believe her boys are old enough to both be in school. I don’t see them often enough to remember that they’ve grown up at the same rate as mine!!!! Anyway, Ams had a nice cuddle with her, watched Fran, played Barbies etc etc and was all over me. She is a funny girl…

Josie has been hungry today and hard to settle. She still has her stork mark which i am still maintaining impressive coolness about… her spots have gone (did i mention these? She was born with 2 of those fatty spots people get round their eyes in the middle of her cheek. I confess to scratching them off because they were weird and spooky…) She still has blue eyes, but possibly going greyer now, but its very odd to look into blue eyes because all the others have always had almost black right from the start, she does enormously wet nappies and i swear she is starting to smile. Or rather grin cheekily.. which is worrying…

Me. I was horribly depressed last night but coming down to a heap of hugs helped a lot today. Thanks – Alison, you are at least a good enough friend to be allowed to say “Oi! You need to do that thing now!” next time i am being dense. Otherwise, still getting thinner, still getting decent sleep, not quite so cold now someone has noticed that my iron results were misread and i have iron tablets, got rid of my cystitis now my mum has given me here killer cure (1/2tsp bicarb in a glass of water, deserves the marketing slogan “see results in just one wee!”)… blah blah. Don’t feel depressed. Don’t feel angry or disillusioned about Josie’s birth. Probably okay i suppose :~)