Last blog before i go.

Over the last couple of hours i’ve started to feel a bit more “mind made up” ish about all this. I’m still having contractions regularly but i’m not dilating much, although things have possibly improved enough for them to do an ARM tomorrow. My scar is hurting quite a bit with the contractions, which IS unnerving me. We shall see.

One of the things that has made me feel its time for this to come to a conclusion is Fran. She’s been pretty pragmatic in general but today she got very upset twice, including once where having started to cry, she clammed up, focused on something across the room and refused to talk to me or let any more tears fall. I feel rotten that she is so worried. She asked several times whether i was definitely going to be okay and if the baby would be and i felt a bit rubbish because i couldn’t help her feel really relaxed. Its not fair that she has to have that strain really. She can remember the panic of last time, she knows the score, she needs this over as much as i do i think.

So hopefully we will get at least a trial of labour tomorrow and maybe i’ll still back out of the section if i don’t – i might leave it till Saturday, i just don’t know. But i think enough is enough. Its bad enough that i am worried, but Max is looking at the birth of his baby with anxiety and dread, the kids are worried sick and i am at the end of my ability to be positive. Its time for me to be a grown up about it i think.

Someone screenshot my ticker tomorrow and Alison, Sarah, Jax – have your mobiles handy ;~)