Better news i think. (Look away if squeamish!)

Having wept all night (*rolls eyes at self*) things have got better today with a significantly different set of “feelings” and at least one good sign that things might be getting nearer to happening. All my “early warning signs” have been so different that its impossible to know what it means but i had a show with Fran and went into labour 3 days later – with the others it had already started before that happened. i just feel “looser” and i’m having some low-level crampy feelings/niggly feelings too so although they couldn’t feel any change today at my check up, they did say “if you think things are changing, they probably are” which helped my state of mind loads.

Plus they got my consultant in and we have agreed that i’ll go on Friday with “induction” in mind rather than walking in for a section. Basically that will only work if i am dilated enough to have my waters broken but they would risk a low level drip for a while (but not pessaries) beyond that as its very switch off-able. I’d be ready for a section anyway, i can still walk away if i can’t handle it and to be quite honest, knowing the girls will be in good hands for as long as it takes for me, the baby and Max to have had time together, i think i can actually face an emergency section after a failed induction better than a cold blooded one. Even if it means me being GA’d to be honest, at least i’ll have given it a go. If i get there and there is nothing doing then well, i’m there, i’ll be hyped up, i can probably do what needs to be done. The consultant was great actually; when i expressed my feelings about the whole elective thing and how rotten it made me feel, even when its “my choice” she said “don’t go to delivery suite with everyone else then, come to the day unit where everyone knows you and we will work out what happens next from there. That way no one will assume you are feeling okay and we can help you relax.” I thought that was really understanding. I really got the impression i was being treated as an individual not a “case.”

But lets hope this baby gets its butt in gear before that. (Well, head more than butt i suppose…)

I hope you are all keeping up with the emotional rollercoaster there, i can’t tell you how much all the support is helping me to keep going.