I’ve made a decision.

I can’t go on with this any longer. Maybe if my history had been better i could have but the way things are i just don’t trust my body and everyone is suffering big time. Plus, nothing is happening, i am completely stressed and so are the kids.

So i am going to agree to a section on Friday – i don’t have to turn up i suppose – but at the moment it takes the stress off a bit and its a decent date for me being in hospital over the weekend and home by monday which makes for better childcare than midweek or emergency. Plus the longer i go on building myself up and hoping for a birth, the harder i am going to fall. I really can’t take anymore.

The baby is fine but i’m not. I’m a nervous wreck and at least if it comes to this i know it was me that made the choice and i can live with that i suppose.